Dear Ruth

Dear Ruth,

You have always been and will always be my favourite. The most important human being in my life. From the first time we met online to the first time we met in person and then for the 22 years we have spent together, I am so grateful to have you as a friend and wife. The mother of my children and my closest confidante.

Writing something like this has always been difficult, simply because there's so much I want to say. I hope you already know most of it.

It hasn’t always been easy. Life rarely is, but I know I’ve made things harder than they needed to be. So many times, I’ve hurt you to your core with poor decisions, giving into selfish desires, and an unchecked addiction that held me captive. Yet, through it all, you stood by me. You forgave me and chose to trust me again, even when I didn’t deserve it. We've had our conflicts, and we've both said and done things we both regret.

Apart from sticking by me through both the good and bad times, I’m deeply grateful for your ability to look beyond the mess and see the better side of me—the potential I sometimes fail to see. Your faith in me has empowered me in so many ways.

I know I can still be quick to anger and unpleasantness. I know I still fall short in many ways. I’m working on that because you deserve so much better. You deserve to know just how cherished you are. I’m so grateful that we connected that first night online and that conversation led to this journey we’ve shared. I will continue working on myself and fighting my demons because of your support and love, because of your understanding and kindness.

You’ve given me two amazing children and been a part of my life longer than anyone else outside my family.

As you know, you inspire me in so many ways. I am truly in awe of you. You've endured so much—not just from me, but throughout your entire life, from childhood to adulthood. Yet, you’ve faced it instead of letting your past swallow you up. You’ve done the difficult internal work to find balance and happiness. This is something I deeply admire.

That is commendable and makes me love you even more. The positivity you still have in you, in spite of all that has happened to you in life, is remarkable.

As I sit here while you’re away visiting relatives, I find myself reflecting. These moments apart give me a chance to pause and imagine what life would be like without you. And honestly, that thought is unbearable. The times we’ve come close to ending things have caused me deep sadness. Even when I was the one who initiated it, and my mind was clouded by confusion, the idea of a future without you is a pain I can’t bear. Once the fog clears, the ache of not spending another year, month, week, or day with you is overwhelming.

Regardless of what’s happened in the past, I can only see a future with you. No one else. Not because I fear that no one else would want me, but because I don’t care. I only want you. I’m committed to working hard and proving my loyalty, showing you every day how genuinely overjoyed I am to have you in my life.

I look forward to the next 22 years—and beyond—with eagerness, love, and the deepest respect for the incredible person you are.

Together, always.

With all my love, Paul

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Thanks for reading!

Author's Notes: There was only one person this was ever going to be about. My wife, Ruth. So, no big shock there.

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