Dear Me,

Dear me,

I appreciate everything you did to get us to where we are now. I know it was a long, challenging, and painful struggle, but you did it. I know you didn't mean for it to get as bad as it did, but we now know from personal experience that once it takes hold of you, it's nearly impossible to get away.

I know you feel guilty for all the missed things you could have become. You had plans. You had goals. You had dreams.

Our life may not have turned out the way you wanted. But look at us now. You are an amazing wife and got a second chance at being a mom. God knew what he was doing when he made you an addict. I know many times you begged him just to take you. He said no. He had plans. Now look at all the people you have helped. And the people you can help.

Sometimes, you close your eyes and shake your head to get the memories out of your head. I know you pray for peace to keep those thoughts out of your head. You were not a bad person doing bad things. You were a broken person doing bad things to survive in a life you hated.

You didn't mean to hurt your dad. He forgave you. You didn't mean to hurt your mom. She forgave you. I love that you also forgave you. You learned that you no longer needed to hold on to that regret. I know there are still things in your life you would like to fix. One day, they could be. You brought two amazing humans into the world who are and will do great things. So far, just as you prayed, they are not like you.

In sobriety, you have a lot of heartache and scary moments still. You finally got off probation. Who knew you would eventually be free from the invisible shackles you had from the justice system? You watched your mom die. That broke you, I know. I know you felt like the little girl she left behind. You begged her to come back both times. Thank goodness she did once so you could have a relationship with her before she died. You learned to grieve and grow. She would be so proud of you now. She always was.

You married a great man who struggles with addiction. You stayed strong for him. You stuck by him. You knew that no one who truly loved you ever left you. You did the same for him.

You still think you don't have something to offer this world. But you are wrong. God put you through addiction so you can help others. He kept you alive through addiction so you can help others. You think no one wants to hear about it. You don't think anyone wants to hear about your success in recovery. They do. There are tons of people out there who don't know your story and need to listen to that story. You were meant to save lives.

Not a day goes by that you don't think about your past. You look back at it with gratitude to be where you are now. You promised your abuser you would be back. After rehab, you planned to go back to him. You would much rather take a daily beating so that you could drink. God had different plans for you. You keep praying for him to show you where you should be and what you should do. He has told you many times. You just need to listen.

I appreciate you for not giving up, finding your value in life, and just breathing every day until you got out of the darkness drowning you. You deserved to be happy one day, and now you are.

Thanks for listening.

Sincerely, Me