Dating a College Jock...When you are 42

When I discovered my love of South America - it was a dual edged sword.

I fell in love with these cities, these cultures and wanted to return to places that I loved so much, yet I also wanted to keep exploring new places.

I devised a system that felt right - for each vacation I would go down south, I would always add a few days and force myself to go to a brand new place.

In the winter of 2018, I decided to go down to San Jose, Costa Rica. I spent a week with a "friend with benefits" in the beautiful shores of Jaco Beach. We spent a leisurely week alternating activities between ATV rides in the forest, snorkeling off the islands or simply laying in the air conditioned luxury of the hotel without a lot of clothes.

When it was time for him to go back to work and resume his normal life, I realized I had broken my promise - I hadn't gone to a new place. I still had 5 more vacation days so I decided to take a look at flights the next day going anywhere to South America, and the first one immediately caught my attention. An 11:00am flight to Bogota, Colombia.

Despite the reputation and prominence of Colombia to both Central and South America, I had never visited it before and since the flight was $90 bucks, I decided it was fate and at 2pm the next day, I landed in the El Dorado airport of Bogota for the first time.

Within an hour, I was captivated. Bogota and Colombia have an "energy" that is different than the other major cities. I could never put my finger on it, things just "clicked" for me there more than any other place.

As a gay man with social apps in a brand new place - I had some difficult decisions to make. A part of me wanted nothing more than to flirt, hook-up and enjoy the presence of the amazingly attractive and welcoming men of Colombia and at the same time I was tempted to explore, see the sights, learn and appreciate all of the cultural elements.

My libido won for the most part and to this date only my best friend knows exactly how many men I hooked up with in that first trip - but suffice to say over the course of 4 days, I definitely made up for a few years of monogamy when I was in my mid 20s.

Most of the guys I met with were perfectly happy with the transactional affair. There was a thrill in me as an American tourist just as they were novel for me as citizens of a new place I'd likely never see again. I would lose myself in the thrill and excitement and persona of each one, and then it would be replaced by the next one.

One guy however, resisted.

He had sent me a message on Scruff - and not to be arrogant but it was lucky I even saw the message. One of the biggest boosts you can give your ego is to be a new face on gay apps and I had become accustomed to getting flooded with messages when I traveled south. I always tried to be at least polite and responsive, but to try and respond to all of the messages was an exercise in futility. To make things easier - I had a simple rule. I would only respond if I could see the person's face. I had no time to waste asking for face pictures when mine were clearly posted.

His profile was vague - it had barely any information. The screename was generic - something like "Dates or Fun" and his profile pic was a very nice body without a head. His opening message was "Hola- estas en Bogota?"

I responded with an affirmative - and several minutes later he sent a few pictures. He was a very good looking man with a striking complexion and an obvious dedication to the gym. He asked the usual questions - why I was in Bogota, for how long, would I be interested in meeting? He told me his name was Paulo.

I told him I was very open to meeting and said I was at a hotel and made it clear I could "host"- he gave me his phone number and told me to text him - and I mentally prepared myself for a hookup. Our conversation moved to WhatsApp and he began standing out from everyone else - mostly because he was ignoring my subtle -turning- direct sexual commentary and simply responded to most of my questions or comments with non-commital pleasant responses. He ignored my invitation to come to my hotel and instead offered something I hadn't received an invitation to in a long time - a lunch date the following afternoon.

I was initially somewhat annoyed with this. I only had 3 days left in Bogota and there was so many places I wanted to see, as well as wanting to keep up with my sexual exploration (out of respect for my friend in Costa Rica, we were 'committed' for the week - so now I wanted to be as promiscuous as possible) - but he was pretty insistent, so I agreed.

I had underestimated how bad the traffic in Bogota was and arrived an hour late. Luckily he was still there - waiting for me in front of the Museum of Gold.

He rushed over as he saw me arrive. We shook hands. He was ...slighter ...then what I had expected, and a little shorter - but he was a very attractive man and his warm and welcoming smile made my heart melt. After I apologized profusely, we walked to a restaurant and he ordered lunch for us.

We talked for almost 2 hours. Trading stories, learning about each other. His voice was intoxicating. A deep baritone with a musical cadence in how he spoke. He wore a tank-top and loose jeans. I couldn't help but notice his chiseled arms.

He was 29 - finishing a degree in Business. He had spent a few years abroad, recently in Europe and Argentina. He had broken up with his boyfriend of 2 years several months earlier. He reminded me a little of when I was in the first phases of "recovering" after my last break up- when you are out of the 'sadness' phase and have an almost delirious excitement at being untethered.

After he insisted on paying the bill - I thought we would leave it there. I had enjoyed myself but had no idea of his level or interest. He had mentioned he needed to go to class and it looked believable with his book-bag, but as we left the restaurant he gently touched my hand and grinned and asked if we could keep talking.

We walked all over Bogota, him acting as an impromptu tour guide, pointing out famous and not-so- famous sites. I had broken my belt the day I landed and asked if he knew where I could buy one and he smiled and seemed pleased to be able to help, leading me to a small men's clothing store and taking full charge - acting as translator and even negotiating the price for me. As I stepped into the changing room to put the belt on, he snuck in quickly and in the pretense of adjusting my belt, grabbed my ass and winked at me, before quickly stepping back out. His grin was infectious. I couldn't help but grin back.

Paulo enchanted me - we spent several more hours together - walking and talking, sharing our histories and our stories. He took me to get ice cream when I told him I had a sweet tooth, and it was on the benches in the garden of the Bogota Art museum that after taking a few quick looks around - he suddenly leaned forward to kiss me. Feeling self-conscious, he immediately stood up after and we walked some more- He told me of his family and his nephew who was 1 year old. He told me of his past relationships, each about 2-3 years and what he had learned about each one. I was surprised to learn that each one was so different. He had been with someone almost twice his age for a few years, but his most recent break-up was with someone much younger than he was.

I found myself incredibly attracted to him - but in ways I couldn't explain. It wasn't the casual sex appeal - though he certainly had that - it was just a quiet confidence he had. He knew himself and he was comfortable with himself - he wasn't looking for my approval, nor was he looking at me with any goal in mind aside from just enjoying our time together.

At 6pm, he told me he needed to go to class and we shared a cab together that dropped me off at my hotel first. As the cab turned the corner to my hotel, he quietly touched my hand and held it for a second - and then asked me a simple question: "Did I want to have dinner later?"

I said yes.

He came over a few hours later and dinner consisted of room service in the quiet silence of my hotel room.

10 minutes after I placed the empty trays outside of the door, we continued the kissing that we had started in the garden.

Several hours later, we lay together in the large bed panting from pleased exhaustion - he looked right out of a gay magazine with nothing else but tight white briefs against his dark and chiseled body and I surprised myself when I heard myself offering something I never offered guys the first time we met: "Do You Want to Spend the Night?"

He surprised me equally with a strange look and smile, before agreeing. We kissed one last time and both us went to different corners of the bed and I woke the next morning to him freshly showered and dressed - waking me up to say goodbye.

He kissed me one time on my forehead, thanked me again and left without another word.

I spent two more days in Bogota - I saw the planetarium, countless museums, the street art of Chapinero and some of the cathedrals...I hooked up with a few more locals...yet Pablo remained heavily on my mind - and it was he who I found myself thinking of as my plane took off to return to New York City.