Covenant love is the cure to heartbreak

In the spirit of bell hooks I want to question the medias and western societies perception of romantic love. In this quick computerized, competitive world that forces people to center business over love in every form my mindset on how to create healthy relationships has changed. Every type of relationship has to be broken down and boundaries are key to know the difference between what others true intentions are to come into your life.

Subconsciously a lot of people are striving for their fundamental needs.

All humans need physiological needs, safety and security, love and belonging, self-esteem, and self actualization. But, in reality in order to meet those needs some people use deceptive measures in order to take from or trick others for their own personal pleasure or temporary gains. Others may use in your face measures… like Tik tok promotions or create reputable businesses online. Temporary gains are but bandages to systematic issues that prevent others especially in western societies from having basic needs like food, shelter, and healthcare. Why are some people more prone to having their needs met than others?

In my life and supported by social science this has to do with how people feel this covenant love by their parents and family members first. According to Gary Chapman the author of the 5 love languages “covenant love is conscious love. It is intentional love and commitment no matter what that is followed by thought and action”. Learning about the 5 love languages: touch, gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service, and quality time can recreate the love we can give to ourselves, from intimate social connections, and romantic love.

I have been doing inner work with the support of Spiritual and Aligned. It has been so transformational that I will post the link here:

I have learned that positive communication with ourselves, focusing on handling the ebbs and flows of our energy, and especially social and emotional support can create some of our fundamental needs. Teaching ourselves how to receive and also how to block harm from ourselves is daily work in a patriarchal capitalism driven western society.

Self discovery has taught me to value myself. My old patterns of fueling myself via my own neglect and constant validation for others harmed me. Turning myself around via spiritual teaching, acceptance, and good old writing, reading, and investing in myself truly shifted my heart and mind. A huge helpful part of my healing lately came from watching Ted Talks on YouTube. These free pep talks from women and men around the world show me that power beyond struggle is possible. Women have harmed me but they have also aided in my empowerment throughout my life in accepting my identities, and living my truth as a queer person.

Even with my own circumstances in life feeling heartbreak about males and their harm towards me I found that not enabling the patriarchy is key to fighting sexist oppression. Enforcing boundaries on males may feel uncomfortable but if the situation is “low risk” and you maintain your supportive relationships holding men accountable is so important via your thoughts and actions. Covenant love for ourselves can also include men because all people need their love languages met and love can prevent deep and long term traumas.

I know that I deserve to invest in myself and my own talents. I do not have to fall in line with what I think even my loved ones want from me. Loving myself means that I can say what feels right for me in a given circumstance even if someone else feels uncomfortable temporarily. Heartbreak can be cured by going inward to ask ourselves as bell hooks might say what do I want? And even more how I can attain it myself even if someone else can’t provide it in the moment.

I will leave you with a Ted Talk that is area that I wish to master. As I learn to claim space as a woman ( healing my communication heartbreak) this video is the blueprint for how I want to discover speaking out.