Considering Marriage? Consider This First

After five marriages I can honestly say I love the single life! I don't consider myself shallow, but what if he gained 200 pounds, grew a beard, got a big tattoo on his forehead, embarrassed you in front of your friends by belching loudly? Why would anybody chose to go through life with that kind of handicap?

When love first bites it is wonderful, but all those little habits you find cute will someday come back to haunt you and you will find them annoying beyond words. At least I always did. And that feeling of wanting to be with him all the time, wanting to be touched and told how much you mean to him? That turns into wanting him to go away for a few days so you can have some time alone and maybe listen to music instead of sports, and work on a crafting project while you listen to your music. Wanting him to touch you turns into pretending you are asleep so he won't touch you. As for him telling you how much you mean to him; you'd prefer that he show you by helping around the house more.

Life changes when the initial sexual attraction goes away. It's at that point marriage becomes a little more work. He suddenly doesn't look so attractive to you anymore, sitting across the kitchen table with a two-day beard and needing a shower, but hey, it's Saturday and football is on so I'm sure he has a hat he can wear over that greasy hair. And the dishes piled up in the sink are no doubt the woman's responsibility to wash before his friends arrive and before she can watch the game. Men "help" around the house but ultimately it ends up being the woman's responsibility to keep the house clean, the laundry done, and she holds down a job as well. And, if there are children, she is also mainly responsible for them.

Replacing husband number one with husband number two is just taking one set of problems and exchanging them for another. That is one thing I am sure of because I would trade too passive of a guy for a risk taker and then the result was I would dump the risk taker because he was too much of a child, or a cheater and a liar and I would dump the too passive guy because he couldn't even say what was on his mind.

If there are children in the home, it sometimes pushes couples further apart and sometimes it brings them together. If they are miserable they suffer for years making the kids miserable while they are at it. I don't condone divorce, but there are times it's better to cut things off then spend a life in misery. The children are going to grow up and have their own lives anyhow, so you might want to think about your own happiness over the next twenty years too.

I know this may sound bizarre, but I believe if two people still love each other after the infatuation wears off they should be together, but not married. I believe the children born of such a couple could take the father's name, and if things aren't working maybe it should be a family discussion unless the children are young. Usually it isn't the individuals in a relationship that are the problem but the structure of the relationship can cause many issues. I believe neighbors and friends can help each other in child rearing rather than having decisions all fall on the parents. It takes a village to raise a child is a very true statement.

Those are just my opinions. Perhaps I am totally out in left field, or maybe marriage is just not for me. I'm sure other women look at things completely different, depending on their own experiences. It just seems that marriage is great for the man but maybe not so muh for the woman. In this day, women work as much as men do and men are taking on more responsibility at home which is wonderful on both scores. Back when I had relationships, I was actually told I couldn't work, couldn't have a car or ride public transportation, had to give the grocery receipt and the money back to him when I returned from the market or he would be sure I bought something for myself, a big no no. I couldn't wear a two piece bathing suit but he could wear a tight speedo. I put up with that husband for three years and finally left. I've had cheaters, liars, cheaters and liars, jealousy beyond reason about my life and the people in it, and for me, the single life offers total freedom to do what I love to do and that is art, and writing.

I hope everybody's decisions are the right ones for them. If not, don't be afraid to change your life, and maybe wait on children until you are sure you are going to make it work together because the children pay the highest price for divorce.