Coffee and cake will have to wait ( a chance to clear the air might be years away...)

One day we will have coffee and a cake and laugh about all the misunderstandings and assumptions that were made. And reminisce about every joyful thing that occurred even if that’s getting a bit hazy now. Human nature being what it is, its of course easier to remember the bad, the uncomfortable, the downright nasty and what was bad to you was nothing to them... of course. Vice versa too, naturally. Speaking of human nature we will unpack my honours level google research into the chemistry and incomprehensibility of attraction( subtitle: quick ways to fuck up a perfectly decent friendship)....

JUDGEMENT

Possibly we will examine the corrosive effects of anger, exaggeration, misunderstanding, societal rule breaking and baseless threats. All things that serve to keep us bound to the “way things are” and the “way things should be” stories we all swallow whole...

OH NO, FACEBOOK...

It might be interesting too, to explore the toxicity of social media.... the ubiquitous nature of which makes it all the more dangerous. Just keeping away from certain people, if only for a for a while may be all that is required to get back to positive vibes that have gone awry. Social media makes that very hard... people get offended if you block them... all part of the story again but just as in REAL life maybe you’d prefer not to see them for a while.. it doesn’t actually mean you NEVER want to.

NEW HOBBIES, NEW FRIENDS

And while we are forking up our Black Forest gateaux we could muse upon those friendships that shine brightly only while they have a uniting goal. The energy generated in the pursuit of that goal..well how can I best put it... a kind of rose coloured glasses effect occurs... willingness to overlook glaring incompatibilities and to tune into similarities. Throw a random attraction which you both know is unwise.. ( stories) and you have a situation that requires very very careful handling. It doesn’t take much to cause an upset. Then there’s the fact that no one .....not one damn person, unveils everything about themselves partly because half the time they aren’t sure what they are thinking or feeling themselves. They might think they are doing something wrong or against their moral compass... or at least they’d like to.. though they never would. It’s bound to ratchet up the possibility of resentment. Trying to be as open as possible may be one friend’s way of dealing with this, never talking about it the other’s.

THERE IS NOTHING STRANGER THAN FOLK

Nobody wants to fall out with anyone.. particularly when they used to GET ON SO WELL . Losing friendship is the sadness that no one gives any weight to...but if anything it’s worse than a “romantic “ break up...

ALL IN THE GAME

We might get another coffee in and say thank you for the way things worked out anyway. Nobody died or trashed their reputation. It really wasn’t the huge thing infatuation made it seem.... and both parties gained even as they lost.

NEW PERSPECTIVE

With that in mind I’d like to offer an alternative viewpoint... friendship from a distance ...you don’t see this person any more.. but you cheer them on from a distance, you wish the best for them and acknowledge the connection you had in person albeit brief, led to great changes for you and them. After a certain duration, it would be fair to say that actually... they and you are not the same people you were ... whether this new version of each friend would connect as they did in the past , is hard to say... and is probably by now down to random chance to discover.

DON’T ACCEPT THE STORIES....

I rather like the notion of friendship from afar ... no Facebook, no messages ...just taking on all the learning you can from the events of the past, being glad that person chose you as a friend at that time ... and make no date for coffee and cake ... just support from afar.

FOOD AND DRINK FOR THOUGHT

But maybe one day we will have that chat... who knows..? After although they didn’t realise it, sitting having coffee and cake was actually the ideal way to spend time together.