Citizen of?...An enigma of Duality

I recently became a citizen of this great country.

Everyone says that I should feel proud and happy.

I am. I do.

It may not show on my face right now.

But truly, I deeply appreciate the wings that I have acquired which shall enable me to fly higher, with a lighter heart.

There is a bitter sweet element to this successful achievement.

Realizing that the road to this milestone was fraught with such hardship, pain and uncertainty, I have to take a step back, breathe and inhale, before coming to terms with the fact that things are now approaching positivity, and I can finally exhale.

Moving from one's native country, becoming a citizen of another. I feel Stuck between the two worlds. An alien in both scenario. Belonging to both, yet a stranger in each.

I fear that it will always be a conundrum. Duality has its drawbacks.

I have rationalized that it is ok to have these feelings. To accept that a part of myself will always be a part of my dual makeup.

It is what we make of our experiences in life that are going to define us.

So, as I embark on my new found, if a little tentative, confident endeavor, I hold my head up high, with my steps a little jauntier, and my stride a little less hesitant, I reach for new horizons and new ventures to conquer with pride.

With each passing day I grow a little stronger. My resolve rises higher and higher so I can easier achieve and open the doors to opportunities which had been otherwise denied due to unavailability of access.

I realize that a great part of my slow march to the exhilaration that should be erupting from the depths of my heart for this wonderful opportunity has a lot to do with the ill timing of the event.

At the time of my application for citizenship, a terrible virus is wracking and ruining the lives of individuals and families throughout the entire world.

The Corona Virus Pandemic of 2019, which is believed to have had it's start in Wuhan, China in December of that year, devastated the planet and is still raging well into the November of 2021.

This unprecedented and unexpected phenomenon has thrown the world into virtually total confusion. The cancellation of almost all activities, previously enjoyed with total freedom for most people was catastrophic and heartbreaking. Many people died, and are still dying, unfortunately.

This unfortunate event made travel harrowing and extremely expensive. Federal offices are located in a different state if you happen to reside in the rural areas. Many months of waiting, four plane rides and a two and a half hour ride into a different city later, I finally have the coveted citizenship certificate.

I am grateful to all the people who helped me along the way towards my long journey into finding peace and acceptance as an individual. For the greatest part of this sojourn into change, the KINDNESS of total STRANGERS was, and still is, the highlight of the many unexpected surprises that presented themselves in many different forms.

Hearts were opened, trust was placed in my hands when people who never even met me, some of whom I still have not met personally, trusted my son as their co-worker to assist me. Their personal information had to be involved in this process, yet they did not hesitate to dive into the melee and be a part of my solution.

I wish that I could name them and thank them here, but I did that on a personal level. I say this to send out to the universe that there are good and decent people all over this world. We see and hear such horrors everyday. It is the greatness of the thoughtful and unselfish individuals that keeps us focused on the road ahead with a joyful mind towards paying it forward as we continue the struggle for survival and accomplishment.

This too shall pass.

So today I hit the restart button.

Day One.

I begin a new and exciting journey to a new and improved me. Looking back every once in a while, because our past is a defining reminder to our future. But, mostly forging ahead to the future and the great possibilities that beckons with open arms.

The star is not the limit, I am reaching far ahead, to whatever greatness lies beyond.

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