CARD ME, DAMMIT

Getting carded when you're young is lowkey annoying; but not getting carded is a whole other level of pain.

On my 21st Birthday, I went out to a piano bar with my family and when I got to the bouncer he waved me in.

"...don't you have to check my ID?"

"Nah, you're fine." He grunted at me.

"....please check my ID?" I asked.

He checked it and handed it back, like it was more hindrance than anything. I get that though. When your working at a bar, you probably get sick of carding everyone who is very clearly over 21, it was just my first time.

You always want your first time to be special, right?

Seems to be I'm doomed in that department. Or cursed? I don't know, either way I'm not having a good time.

I'm 28 now and I find the same problems with being carded. I get so excited when someone asks for my ID. They person who asks always sonds like they're apologizing and I'm like -

"HERE! I am old enough to purchase this wine!" I grin like I won the lottery.

"Okay, I see your birth year begins with a 1, we're good." THe grocery store clerk said.

I was not good.

"What do you have? 5 bottles of wine?" He scanned the kind of cheap wine slowly and bagged it.

"Yeup."

"having a party?"

"...yes."

Nope, well I guess kind of. It was a party of one. And those 5 bottles lasted me like 2 months.

I went through watching the uncut Justice League movie with my sister. I had already seen it and did not have a good time but everyone else I knew loved it. So I thought maybe I was too harsh.

Turns out I can only enjoy it if I am blackout drunk.

Back to my point, I am 28 and I get as excited as people over 70 get when people card them. That's not how I want to live my life. I don't look old, I look like I am in my 20's, and it would be nice if I got carded. Every day? Nah, I don't want that.

Bartenders, Waitresses, and liquor sellers: I implore you, card us younger looking people too.

I know, some people act like real Karens when carded, I've been through quite a few of those instances myself. But your fellow Millennials won't react that way. Yes, some of us are stupid, but you can tell the good from the bad apples nowadays.

And especially nowadays, if they're wearing MAGA crap = they real bad.

If they're wearing AXE body spray = they bad but tolerable from a distance

If they're wearing hoodies and backpacks = they cool

We are not hard to spot.

I must say, it was fun during the pandemic to get carded.

I went to a local pub to pick up a to go order for a few friends of mine to drop off at their house for them and I put it under my name so I could didn't have to go through the whole loop of 'no it's for a friend of mine, yeah I don't have their ID'. I skipped the hassle and did it myself.

The waiter there asked to see my ID because my friends had ordered mixed drinks.

"Here's my ID." I was so excited.

"I can't really tell if this is you." I had on a baseball hat and a mask on.

I will admit, I did not think of that problem wen I made the order.

"Oh Thanos SNap." I said and he laughed.

"Can you prove you grew up in the 90s?" He asked. I could see his cheeks push up so I knew he was just playing a game with me but I went along.

"I remember when Stitch was invading other Disney commercials." I grinned and thought back. "I remember watching OJ getaway in his white Ford Bronco and Diana's funeral on BBC. Oh! And my favorite show was Gargoyles on the Disney Channel but it only came on at 10 am or 10 pm so I had to stay up late and watch it."

He clapped and smiled at me.

"You have passed the Millennial test!"

We laughed and I took the order and left.

To be honest, I'd be happy being questioned like that for future age tests rather than deliver my ID.