Building a Wildfire

Creation comes in many forms. I find the inspiration to create on dirty sidewalks; in the gutters on my walks home in the form of tiny plastic rhinoceros’, bottlecaps in unique jewel tones I haven’t collected yet, and the odd bead or bit of an earring here and here, left in a parking lot for the sun to bake. I find joy, and wonder, and new life in these things that are left behind. I scoop them up, plop them into my bag, and carry them home, where they will eventually be added to a new piece of art. My art reflects the beauty I find in these “grime scores,” as I call them. A lot of people work very hard to get it “just right,” and I do, too, but in a different way. I make all kinds of things – crusty costumes, rusted jewelry, wall décor decorated with human bones and moss, and I do the occasional group project building a two-story 20’ building with a base made from dozens of pallet racks and walls patched with rusted metal, a secret sliding bookcase door, and a secret backroom bar. It really depends on my mood.

Out in the wasteland, I go by Eli Grimes. I have always been chaotic. Impulsive, reckless, wild. So, when I pick up my scissors and start cutting fabric haphazardly after holding it to my dress form to measure for half a second, no one is surprised. When I take those same scissors and cut holes like Swiss cheese into it – again, no one is shocked. They know I am happy. I am at home in my element. I am a 25-year-old wildfire of a human. I choose “wildfire” as a descriptor because wildfires are brilliant, and without them certain parts of nature couldn’t grow, but left unsupervised they can cause immense destruction. I have bipolar disorder and have always dealt with feelings of guilt regarding my impulsive, fiery nature. To hold myself accountable- in the past, before I found my craft, I did cause a teensy bit of mass destruction in my life. But my craft – my craft allows me to truly embrace my mind and the ways in which it works, and I explode in a burst of fabric scraps, acrylic paint, and the sounds of sewing machines and hammers-on-metal-on-concrete. My hard feelings hit, so I retreat to my sewing corner, pick up my bag of fabric scraps, my pins, and my scissors, turn on my music, and begin cutting out shapes to make patches. I just cut and pin and sew until my heart stops racing and I can breathe again. I don’t push myself – my art allows me to go at my pace, to be gentle. To be kind to myself, while expressing myself the best I know how. I hold the fabric in place with my left hand and the scissors with my right, I breathe and I say, “I am strong.”

My creations are about breathing a new life into the unwanted, the left behind, the trash in the gutter. As a bit of a “broken toy” myself, and as someone with a lot of friends who have similar mental and physical issues to mine, I find a lot of strength and beauty in this. It is important to me when creating that I am recycling, reusing, and repurposing. I strive to use everything I can and waste none of the “good bits”. I collect all my “bits” and keep them neatly in their own bags… or shoved into one – very specific – drawer. I like the idea that every little piece has a purpose; I simply have not found it yet. It is important to me that I purchase secondhand as much as possible to further reinforce my beliefs of “waste not, want not.” I remind myself daily not to take what I have for granted, and I thank the universe for giving me what I have. I find that the more often I say out loud how grateful I am, the better I feel. I have also found this works with strength, hope, happiness- to name a few. Food for thought as we continue.

The universe has bestowed upon me many things that make my life wonderful, but when it comes to crafting, the most versatile addition to my toolbox has been ONE certain pair of scissors. I have been using them for the past six years, and I’ve mentioned them multiple times throughout this essay. They are designed to cut through layers of fabric, leather – they are very sturdy. I have never had them sharpened, and they are just now beginning to need some TLC. They make my life so much easier when I am working (which is just about every day). I can cut through five layers of fabric with these babies no problem. Leather? Done. Thin wires? I got you. Canvas? Duh. Cardboard? Mhm. Zippers? No problem! These scissors are the best crafting investment I have ever made, and I would not be able to do what I do without them. I wrote my name all over them, so no one can ever take them from me. I have a couple other pairs (including a pair that can cut through a penny!), but none that I love quite as much as my everyday scissors. I use them from the beginning when I am draping fabric, until the very end when I am packaging everything up. I use them for jewelry making, costuming, set design, general crafting, prop work, scrapbooking, journaling, gardening, kitchen stuff, opening mail, opening everything else that needs to be cut open – my scissors were less than fifteen dollars, but they are priceless because of all that I use them for. Not only do I use them for their true intended purpose, but I also use them when coping through art – my scissors are literally a part of my mental-health-coping toolbox. I have grown into who I am, in part, thanks to every tough material those scissors got me through. Having the proper tools in your toolbox makes a world of difference.

If I am to win this contest, it would entirely change my world. I am currently a student studying 3D modeling and design; I attend full time, so the only income I have is what I can make from my art in my spare time. I am currently holding a fundraiser selling bottlecap pins trying to raise enough money to attend my favorite event this fall, and I must rebuild my themed post-apocalyptic camp. We have a tea lounge inside of a 25’ in diameter, 15’ tall geodesic dome, as well as front gates that look like giant corrugated metal shark jaws. I have a lot of repairs to do, and I am entering this hoping I can place for the financial relief, and that stress gone- I’ve been working so hard on this, for 6 years, and when I saw this contest, I knew I had to try. I thank you if you have read this far, and for your consideration. Now, if you’ll excuse me – this wildfire has some brilliant burning to do.