Breaking The Rules and The Benefits Of This Actions

Did you know that anger can protect you and that having enemies can be compensation? Look at the rules of life through a new prism, in a new light.

Are you bored of being told to look at the beautiful part of life when you are by nature a person who sees the empty side of the glass? Do you feel guilty about preferring a career or a family instead of trying to juggle both at the same time?

If you are such a person you are lucky because the rules of self-help change quickly. Instead of encouraging us to always be optimistic, with the map of life drawn in front of us, spiritual masters now say that it is no problem to be a negativist, that you can decide not to have children if you do not want to, and that you can throw planning out the window. rigorous.

These new rules to help yourself provide a fresh dose of realism and most importantly, allow you to finally be happy that you are the way you are: Here's how

 You don't always have to be a little positivist!

If you see the empty half of the glass, instead of the full one, or try to look at the beautiful side of things, but expect the worst, don't worry about how worried you are. Despite the "be happy" recommendations used in positive thinking for self-help, there is a way to claim that negative emotions - such as expecting the worst - can be an effective and healthy strategy in dealing with life.

Spiritual Master of Defensive Pessimism, Julie Noem, Professor of Psychology at Wellesly College Massachusetts, USA explains why not everyone can look at the good side of things. "In anxious people, defensive pessimism works better than trying to be optimistic," she says. If you are anxious you cannot pretend that the emotion has passed, it will turn against you and will affect your performance.

Defensive pessimism helps you focus on the events outside of your person and the steps you need to take to prevent disaster, lowering expectations and mentally repeating everything that goes wrong. Prof. Noem's study suggests that pessimists have certain advantages over optimists. They learn from unpleasant experiences, instead of denying or finding fault elsewhere.

Their range of emotional feelings may also be wider than that of optimists. The general opinion that a positive attitude results in a longer life are also questioned, according to Prof. Noem. A recent California study found that happy optimists die faster than pessimists.

It is believed that optimists are so optimistic that they do not pay due attention to health risks and maintain optimism by repressing negative emotions.

It's OK to change your purpose

Do you have a goal in life that you strive to achieve at any cost? Do you have a dream for the future that makes the life you have led so far seem meaningless? Whether the goal is to set up your own business or to find the right man up to the age of 35, it would be time to stop trying because too much hope could hurt you.

According to psychotherapist Dina Glouberman, author of the best-selling writings on self-help, rigid hope "is one of the main causes of the modern epidemic of exhaustion." "Rigid hope" is the belief that if you get what you want, it will not be good for you. This hope that brings unhappiness in life can be related to anything - finding a partner, the existence of a child, reaching a high position in the career. This hope is related to despair. 

Many young women are exhausted, characterized mainly by a deep mental, mental, or emotional exhaustion - and from which they cannot escape through sleep. You feel icy and unfeeling or possessed by a chronic, cynical or trapped rage, working harder and achieving less. This usually happens when you lose interest in a situation in which you were previously involved wholeheartedly, at work, or in a relationship. Then you strive harder to reach your goal, which may seem more valuable than life itself.

In her book, "The Joy of Exhaustion - How the End of the Road Can Be a New Beginning," she urges those who are exhausted to give up hope but keep their faith - get rid of old dreams and wait with confidence that anything -It would be good for you. A new reality - different and better than the one you longed for - will emerge. "Giving up rigid hope is the opposite of the idea of ​​hopelessness," she says, and it is essential to do so when you are stressed or exhausted.

This involves keeping your faith in yourself, living the moment, and knowing that you will create the right future at the right time. Once people allow themselves to stop hoping, they realize that the things they thought they wanted most, such as job promotion, would not make them happy after all. It's a huge relief.

Stress expert Cary Cooper, a professor of organizational psychology and health at UMIST, believes Dr. Glouberman is right: "We spend too much time trying to treat the symptoms of exhaustion and clinging to what we think we want. "Exhaustion is a sign that you should stop doing the things you do," he says.

Having everything does not always mean being happy

One of the most popular and influential self-help guides was SUPERWOMAN by Shirley Conran, published in 1975. The idea is that by simplifying some household chores ("life is too short to fill a mushroom"), women could reach the top of her career and have a fulfilling family life, raising the hopes of millions of women.

After more than a quarter of a century, it turns out that the new generation of young women is not very interested in being a superwoman. They tracked down their older sisters in the '80s trying to get everything and end up being defeated. It is clear that conventional success - career, marriage, children - is achieved by very few women. One of last year's sensational publications - the frightening "Children's Hunger" by Sylvia Ann Hwelett - highlighted the fact that successful women do not have a family life.

The author showed that 42% of high-income women in the U.S. have no children and the more successful a woman is, the less likely she is to have children. It seems that the statistics that frightened the entire U.S. also reflects the reality of the current generation of successful British women. "It is estimated that more than one-fifth of today's young women will never have children," said Caroline Chandy, director of the Communications and Publications Agency.

In the past, this may have been due to the lack of time of career women, but now it is a matter of choice. Women know that there are other ways to find fulfillment. Far from feeling sad and defeated, women - in increasing numbers and men - change the meaning of the notion of success.

Recently, studies on attitudes toward life and work have shown that those who work now value the quality of life more than salary increases or an exceptional career. So you want to go down and move to the country?

Or take a year off and travel? According to Chandy, if you abandon the traditional methods of pursuing a career, you are no longer considered a non-conformist, but an individual who belongs to an important current. "Women make time," she said. Ambition becomes a broad concept that is not very much related to service.

The theory of superfluity is officially considered a myth. Many opinions say you can't and often don't want to have everything, women. Women no longer want to be superheroes. Today's self-help mantra is not "do everything" but "do what is right for you."