Break the toxic cycle: When personal and professional lives become contaminated

In recent years, the term "toxic person" has become commonplace in everyday conversations, social media, and even educational environments. However, many experts agree that rather than talking about toxic people, we should focus on toxic behaviors. Why is this distinction important?

Labeling someone as toxic implies a fixed identity, a kind of value judgment that leaves no room for change. On the other hand, speaking of toxic behaviors allows us to address harmful dynamics without dehumanizing those who display them. At different moments or within certain relationships, we can all fall into patterns that hurt, manipulate, or emotionally drain others—without being inherently bad people.

This perspective invites us to observe, reflect, and act with greater empathy and responsibility, instead of resorting to oversimplification or judgment. It’s especially relevant in environments where the personal and professional intertwine—such as in teaching, school leadership, or family relationships.

Toxic behaviors in personal life

Toxic behaviors are not always overt. There aren’t always shouts, insults, or humiliation. Often, these actions are subtle: emotional manipulation, destructive comments, constant negativity, planted doubts about our decisions, or emotional dependence that makes us feel insecure.

What might be toxic for one person may not be for another. The impact of these behaviors greatly depends on the emotional closeness between the people involved. The closer the bond, the deeper and more painful the wound.

It’s important to remember that we are all capable of engaging in toxic behaviors at times. What matters is being able to recognize them and take steps to correct them.

Professional impact of toxic behaviors

The effects of toxic personal relationships are not confined to private life. Often, what happens at home carries over into the workplace: inexplicable fatigue, trouble concentrating, fear of being judged or rejected, or an emotional overload that makes decision-making difficult.

Neural toxicity plays a fundamental role here. Under constant stress, our brain activates specific areas that release cortisol—the stress hormone. This emotional chemistry not only affects our mood but also deteriorates cognitive functions like memory, creativity, and our decision-making capacity.

When the work environment is toxic, the brain switches to "survival mode," prioritizing defense over creative or strategic tasks. This directly impacts performance, collaboration, and innovation.

How to protect ourselves from toxic behaviors:

The key to preserving our energy and well-being is not isolation or building walls but setting clear boundaries. Learning to say "no" without guilt, walking away without resentment, and focusing on what truly matters are fundamental steps in managing toxic behaviors.

We must also integrate self-empathy into this process, allowing us to recognize and validate our emotions before reacting to toxic situations. This step is crucial, especially for those who struggle with setting boundaries, as it enables us to be kind and compassionate with ourselves when we feel drained or manipulated. It’s not just about putting up barriers with others, but giving ourselves permission to feel without self-judgment.

Some helpful strategies include:

Nurture your personal environment: Surround yourself with people who nurture you emotionally and offer genuine support.

Imagine that in your close circle of friends, one consistently criticizes your life decisions—your career, relationships, or hobbies. Despite your efforts to maintain a good relationship, these criticisms start to affect your emotional well-being. After reflecting, you realize these interactions are draining your energy and damaging your self-esteem. Instead of cutting this person off completely, you choose to spend more time with friends and family who uplift and understand you. You seek relationships that are emotionally enriching—positive, respectful, and motivating. You focus on spending more time with people who share your values and respect your choices. Although you don’t exclude the critical friend, you establish clearer boundaries and prioritize those who truly contribute to your well-being. This shift helps you feel more balanced, confident, and at peace with yourself.

Strengthen your self-esteem: Remember, you are not what others think of you—you are who you decide to be.

A school principal, constantly facing destructive criticism from a staff member who always questioned their decisions, decided to start practicing self-affirmation and self-care. They attended coaching sessions, surrounded themselves with people who reminded them of their value, and set clearer boundaries with their team. Over time, their self-esteem grew, and they learned to focus on their contributions as a leader rather than be shaken by destructive criticism.

Identify toxic patterns: If a relationship or situation repeats itself, pause and reflect on what you're allowing.

A teacher noticed that a colleague consistently found faults in their work without offering any constructive feedback. At first, it seemed like a misunderstanding, but over time the repetition revealed a pattern. The teacher reflected on how this was impacting their motivation and emotional well-being. They decided to have an open conversation with the colleague and, if no change followed, to set clear boundaries to protect their emotional health.

Reeducate your brain: Practicing self-care, finding moments of calm, and building healthy relationships helps "reset" our emotional chemistry.

After a difficult period involving family tensions and emotional overload, someone decided to make meaningful changes in their daily routine. They began practicing morning yoga to reduce stress and improve their mental and physical well-being. They also started taking daily walks in the park, which brought moments of peace and reflection. Realizing they needed supportive relationships, they invested more time in friends who shared their values and made them feel heard and appreciated. These practices helped reduce anxiety, improved their mood, and eventually restored their emotional balance.

Seek support: Whether through therapy, mentoring, or coaching, asking for help is an act of strength and self-care.

A teacher, after going through a tough season marked by work overload and tense interactions with some parents, decided to seek professional help. They began therapy and joined a mentorship group with other educators who understood their experience. This helped them manage stress more effectively and find strategies to better balance their personal and professional lives.

By making conscious decisions about what we allow in our lives and setting clear boundaries, we can protect our emotional balance. This is not selfishness—it’s responsibility. When we learn to take care of ourselves, we improve our environment, both personally and professionally—and above all, we cultivate a healthier, more harmonious life.