Breadcrumbing: A Manipulation Tactic Not Immediately Recognized

Breadcrumbing is a manipulation tactic where one person acts interested in having a relationship with someone but is actually faking it.

The narcissistic technique is called breadcrumbing because it is similar to the Hansel and Gretel fairy tale, where the young children dropped breadcrumbs to find their way home when they were lost in the woods. Fortunately for the children, the breadcrumbs did help them find their way out of the woods. However, the type of breadcrumbing popular among some adults today is not a fairy tale. It is very real and disturbing, especially for the victim, because it doesn't lead people out of the woods. Instead, it leads them deeper into the woods.

Real Life Breadcrumbing

Adults who use breadcrumbing tactics don't actually drop little bits of bread during a relationship. Instead, they drop little hints of being interested in someone. Those little hints keep the person hopeful that a relationship will eventually develop. Often, it does not. However, the person still looks forward to the small pieces of bread.

Breadcrumbing is Addictive

The pattern of giving breadcrumbs is addictive for the person doing the breadcrumbing and for the person eagerly awaiting the next breadcrumb.

When a relationship doesn't advance, the breadcrumbed person will feel devalued, diminished, disrespected, and rejected. When the breadcrumbs don't come often and eventually stop, a person is left with shame, blame, and guilt for having settled for only breadcrumbs when so much more was expected.

Examples of Breadcrumbing

Social media has made breadcrumbing easy and convenient. Small, often meaningless pieces of communication can be sent as a short text or direct message with emojis on social media platforms. A person who uses breadcrumbing to fake a relationship avoids telephone conversations and meeting in person to avoid doing things together. Breadcrumbing is the manipulative way to string another person along without physical engagement.

Breadcrumbing in Relationships

Breadcrumbing is a toxic behavior in many types of people, even though it is usually seen in dating and romance. The manipulative tactic can also be used in other relationships, such as in families, with friends, in the workplace, and even among church members.

Red Flags to Notice

Psychologist Susan Albers explains that there are red flags to look out for to avoid being breadcrumbed. She notes that there is intermittent involvement that is meaningless. Breadcrumbers might send flirty texts, but they don't respond to the ones you send. Their texts come rapidly at first. Then they come once in a while, until they stop coming at all.

How Not to Be a Victim of Breadcrumbing

• Remember that breadcrumbing has nothing to do with you. The one who does the breadcrumbing is the one with the problem. It is an addictive, manipulative behavior of the person who does it, and not the person who receives it.
• Recognize breadcrumbing at the beginning of a relationship. Nip it in the bud immediately. If not, the breadcrumber will think it is acceptable to continue. The longer you stay in that toxic relationship, the harder it will be to get out.
• Remind yourself that if you are stuck in a breadcrumbing relationship, then you are being kept from a healthy relationship where you would be respected for who you are. You shouldn't be somebody's pawn on a chessboard. Say,"Checkmate!" and move on.
• Realize that breadcrumbing exists. It's becoming more popular. Now that you know about it, don't become a victim of breadcrumbing, and please don't victimize anyone by doing the breadcrumbing yourself.

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