Bread Guy, Terminator, and Late Night Bitching

This is a story about quick wit and sarcasm but also knowing without being told. This is about someone close to my heart who doesn't have to talk to me to know what's going on in my head. And anyway, enough of the mushy bit. We'll start with Bread Guy. Even now if I went to this person and asked "Are you busy?" I'd get the response, "Are you alone?". This all started when a guy walked up to me at the grocery store where I worked. He was a bread delivery guy and for the life of me, I don't remember his name even now so I can't even really give a fake name. Therefore, Bread Guy, which is how we always refer to him as anyway.

So, again, this man comes up to me, an average-looking woman roughly twenties at the time, and proceeds to ask me out. I was a part-time receiver at the time so I knew him and was on friendly terms with him. Not that friendly though. I wasn't interested and it was extremely bad timing. Just got broken up with. You know how it goes. I turn him down and think that's the end of it. I was wrong. So very, very wrong.

Fast-forward a few weeks and I'm at home still wallowing in self-pity. I get a message from said Bread Guy. It says "Are you busy?" I'm not particularly so I say as much. Another ping. "Are you alone?". Deep sigh. However, I'm not the one going to get embarrassed so lay it on me. Let's see if you've got the balls. Turns out he did. Fantastic angle too. Really worked the angle. My friend worked with me in the frozen department and knew the guy so of course, I told him. Now it's just part of our language to one another.

On to the next story. This one is much shorter and more just a nickname. I got sick. Like we're talking not even watching shows in bed sick. He kept me company by texting me frequently, checking on me. I gave him the information that my dog was cuddling me and therefore turning herself into a biowarfare weapon. He would call me all variations of my name, Sarah. Including Sarah Conner the terminator. Since admitting to him my secret plan to infect others with my sickness via puppy, he has since referred to me as Sarah the Bioterminator.

One more for the road, he told me once that otters and raccoons were created personally by the Devil. I'll back this up a little bit. We were driving around and we live in Florida where there's a lake everywhere you walk. He tells me a story about how, when he was a kid, that he saw an otter walking on land. "It is one of the most terrifying things you can see, trust me." Ok, buddy. I don't think you can quite see this. This is a full-grown, 34-year-old man sitting in my passenger seat telling me that he is creeped out by the silhouette of one of the most favored animals. And, in fact, is one of my other friend's favorites.

Then comes the raccoon. I ask him if there were any other animals that I should spritz with holy water. After barely a second of thought, he tells me raccoons are satan's little helpers. I'm crying laughing at this point. I make a motion with my hands saying "But they've got little grabbers, dude! They're so cute." He shudders in response.

So yeah, it's apparently the curve and the grabby hands. I now have a raccoon mug and make sure to send him any raccoon memes and news. I'm also getting a ferret which is the closest I can get to an otter. I think I may be getting close to him hating me at this point.