Boundaries; “The Gray Area”

Understanding the term "grey area." the definition and how it applies to familial relationships with family and friends. The emotional difficulties often experienced when trying to grasp the complete understanding, and how it applies to each individual that falls under this category in your life. The "Gray area" can be seen as a boundary of sorts, specifically when communicating or expressing the many emotions that can be experienced amongst friends and family. The full blunt impact of these emotions usually is exposed without a facade or should be in regards to the chosen familial friendships and family relationships to which choosing was never optional.

Happy, sad, angry, loved… Are a few common emotions that all human beings experience on a day-to-day basis. The application of these emotions in regards to friends and family of course presents difficulties. It is sometimes impossible to explain why we feel these particular emotions towards each friend and family member. It's safe to say that in most cases it's the very reason why a distant relationship is formed with some friends and family members. Although there is a great difference between familial/family relationships and familial friendships and how they are handled.

Friendship or a friend; what is the true definition? The definition varies with each individual Because some friends/friendships have specific requirements. One requirement that is consistent in any friendship is to have emotional stability, otherwise, it can't be considered a friendship. Now achieving the desired stability often takes work, that also depends on the individual and how much time and effort they are willing to put into maintaining a healthy emotionally stable friendship. "When it's good it's good, but when it's bad it's really bad" a familiar cliché nowadays. When it's good in a friendship of course emotionally you're happy, you feel loved, and communication is great. When it's bad; that's where the difficulties present themselves.

Each individual has a level or limit to what they're willing to tolerate in terms of being sad, angry, disappointed, etc. in a friendship. How the "grey area" applies to this emotional experience most have had in a friendship is coming to crossroads on giving up or holding on. Where the failed friendships or the nonfamilial friendships don't exist. Another way to put it would be to say the good outweighs the bad, but that doesn't mean it's not difficult at times. I guess you can call it agreeing to disagree in regards to communicating within a familial friendship.

Familial/family relationships are more complexed than familial friendships; however, the similarity between the two is that a familial/family relationship is a friendship. It reminds me of a common cliché "we love our family members, but we don't have to like them". Hence the terms immediate family and extended family. Which in most cases extended family are distant relationships. It is the intermediate family relationships that usually fall under the grey area. More often than not with the same difficulties experienced in familial friendships.

Happiness, love, good times… Are usually the emotions experienced in an intermediate family relationship. Communication at best is at its highest and tends to work well. That is until the difficulties present themselves in the form of a grey area. For example, a father and his child have a great relationship, communication is fairly good, with plenty of quality time spent together. The emotions of happiness and love are experienced consistently. When the child reaches their teen it is quite common they will have rebellious phase. During this phase, a child begins to experience changes within them-self where the journey begins with trying to find and identify their individuality as a young adult.

The emotions of sadness and anger tend to fluctuate as they tie into this whole emotional experience. The child will likely express not feeling understood. The communication then begins to suffer a little. The friendship is still there it's just evolving as the child is growing up. Of course, the father will always love his child and vice versa. That doesn't mean that the child is going to like everything that his father has to say, nor will the father be accepting of every decision the child will make. This can sometimes work out for the good, and the relationship/friendship is still healthy. There's also a possibility it can take a turn for the worse, thus the "grey area" presents itself with emotional difficulties.

Familial relationships with family and friends are very similar in regards to the grey area and emotional difficulties entailed. It is inevitable between the two that emotional difficulties will present themselves, in some more than others. Achieving healthy emotional stability requires work by refining the definition of the "grey area", how it applies to each relationship individually. Developing an effective communication space for both friends and family where it is safe to express all emotions for a concise understanding of one another. This provides a safe and secure environment where vulnerability is embraced with relationship foundations (i.e. trust and honesty) regardless of the emotions.

Consistency is a high priority for emotional stability that ensures longevity with both familial relationships. It reduces the possibility of negative effects like arguing, which is the most common destroyer of many familial relationships. I have struggled with each of these scenarios over the years of my past. I am now approaching 40 and I have found that because I've learned the boundary of the “gray area” I have relationships with family and friends that matter. The investment of consistent effort is mutually shared and expressed with each individual who falls into these categories.

So as I conclude I can convey with certainty that when it comes to having relationships with other family members or entertaining the idea of endeavoring into a real true friendship...I’m pretty black and white (LOL 😄).

YES, this is true due I'm open to the possibility of at the same time being content. Many will find I’m drained on the ponderance of subjecting myself to an experience with unnecessary debatable moments or immature conflicts I’ve often found to be annoyingly synonymously mundane and trivial.

Especially when I need not make a comparison to the lack thereof to the aforementioned. I'm vividly stating that my chosen circle is quite comfortable, secure, proactively healthy within our social interactions. Anything less than or even halfway equivalent is certainly a clear indication of the better use of time invested positively.