Blue Book

Every morning for William Hollow began the same, an alarm from his phone and a new message in his small blue book, they were like diary entries really. Perfectly detailed, perfectly accurate only written in advance and mostly definitely not written by him. They were far too meticulously written detailing every second of his day from 5 minutes in the morning familiarising himself with his schedule to the inevitable traffic he’d encounter on the way home. It was his perfect little plan so much so that it didn’t allow for much else other than what it told him to do. This was fine though, William remembered a time before the book, one with time to worry and threat, one where he didn’t know what was around every corner.

Despite being so accommodated there was a nagging feeling growing in the back of William’s head and well feelings are tricky to describe so let’s give this one a voice.

“You’re running out of pages Billy” reminded the negative feeling in William’s head that in this case sounded inexplicably like his childhood bully.

The bully was right, he thumbed through and counted just 2 remaining. Normally this would cause panic, but the book didn’t say panic. It said go to work, so that’s what Billy did, trying his best to ignore the growing dread of the unknown.

After spending exactly 37 minutes in traffic William walked into his office building, several minutes late, though the blue book has reassured him this was of little consequence today as he could simply duck in the back of whatever motivating talk his manager was giving, assuredly something to do with comradery and productivity. Admittedly William was distracted, across the meeting room there she was. Amanda had been William’s workplace crush for the best part of a year, they made small talk when the blue book told them to, but little more. If he was being honest, he wanted to take her to dinner, if he was being very honest maybe more, but I think best for the story to respect his privacy on that one. They had always had a big question mark over what their dynamic could be, it was this kind of mutual infatuated confusion they shared without knowing. So, what was stopping him from simply asking? Well, the book had never told him to, and so poor bullied Billy’s negative feeling told him.

“Better not Billy, she’d say no anyway.” Billy had decided long ago he shouldn’t deviate from the book, not after last time.

After a bout of glances between William and Amanda, one awkward one with his manager mid speech and a mug of the finest breakroom coffee William planted himself at is desk. Prepared fully for another day of data entry and unpleasant phone calls William settled in to as he’d grown accustom an unsurprising morning, though for the first time in a while something unexpected happened.

“Don’t you know a productive day is one where you smile Hollow?” with a start William turned to see Amanda attempting to her best pep talk impression.

William smiled with the genuine happiness of someone who hadn’t experienced a pleasant surprise in months “Of course Sir,” replied William “how can I help?”

“Well, I’m off on an expedition and I have it on good authority no one will notice two missing middle employees” tempted Amanda. William paused; he didn’t it realise but his face was betraying him and showing it too. A little deviation was nothing. Moving out of place unthinkable. But it was her.

“… let’s go quick before I talk myself out of it” said William, trying to come across jokey but being deadly serious, at least Amanda laughed.

A thousand thoughts a minute filled William’s head, it was just a trip to the corner shop, but it was likely the most adventurous thing he’d done since the book arrived. Thankfully, Amanda wasn’t one for small talk, no she was one for big questions in short sittings, musing the meaning of life and the perfect workplace snack all while dodging her fellow pedestrian. Then the classic.

“What would you do if you won the lottery?” Amanda thought aloud while getting a closer look at the chocolate selection.

Without giving a second thought “Travel,” replied William eyeing up a diet coke despite trying to kick the habit “always wanted to, but money and so much more to worry about travelling alone.”

“Well, if money is what’s limiting you…” Amanda grabs William by the arm directing him to the cashier. “This chocolate bar, this diet coke and 2 scratch cars please,” William attempted some form of resistance as Amanda hands him a scratch card and a can. “today we pretend like tomorrow we might be rich, you never know,” but William did, his life was known “promise me if you do win, you’ll stop drinking that nasty stuff.” she joked gesturing to the diet coke can.

The rest of the day went as normal for William, as the book said, right down to the time he arrived home to do very little different from any other night. Though his mind did wonder, tomorrow was the last page of his little blue book, what would he be after. He also decided not to find out if he’d won yet, Amanda was right the joy was in the idea that you may win, when he finally did cave, he knew he’d likely be disappointed.

William Hallow woke once again to an alarm and a day laid out to the finest detail in his little blue book.

“Last day Billy” said the feeling with the voice of a bully.

“Last day…” William confirmed aloud.

His commute once again met the specified time, his day ran the specified length and was made only better by the surprising conversation of Amanda once gain appearing for a food focused chat.

“So, did you win?” she asked a little hopeful, but mostly sarcastically.

“I actually didn’t check,” confided William “I think you were right; the best bit is the maybe”.

“Now from you that is a surprise” she replied quickly, “you’re always so organised.”

“Oh, I’ll cave eventually, but just let me pretend for another day I can go somewhere other than this tomorrow” said William clutching his diet drink a bit too tight.

Amanda laughed, but she could tell there was a grain of honesty in his words.

Once again William ended his day right on schedule. But unlike every other day William Hollow awoke to an alarm, he had no little blue book to check. His commute made him late and before he could even make it to the morning meeting no one wanted to attend he was stopped in the lobby by Amanda.

Before another word was uttered Amanda suggests “Let’s skip work.”

“Billy that’s a big risk for someone who doesn’t know what the consequences will be” rattled the negative feeling with the voice of a bully in William’s skull. In many cases that would be it. He would say no out of fear, but it was Amanda taking a leap and not knowing where she’ll land. Why shouldn’t he join her?

William could think of only one word to describe the idea “Perfect” he said through his grin.

For the first time in a long time William walked alongside someone just as ignorant to what the day may bring as they were and he felt free. They ended up in a terrible restaurant and got caught in the first great downpour of the year and he laughed through it. How could he have known that he missed the rain. In that moment William took a greater risk than he had in his life, he kissed Amanda. Caught in the cold rain and still both reeking of fusion food. Risk met with reward as she finally had the confusion clarified in their shared embrace.

“Finally.” whispered Amanda.

“I know,” responded William “I just wish I’d looked up sooner” they embraced once more. William and Amanda spent the rest of the aesthetically miserable day in the bliss of something slow burning finally catching light despite the rain.

William’s day ended like no other had he returned how happy. There on his bedside table, a scratch card. No more pretending, he had his joy. He won, not the jackpot, but 20,000 is nothing to turn your nose up at. And it was certainly enough to go catch up on the living he’d been avoiding for so long, go travelling; maybe even share the experience.

William Hollow awoke to a new day unlike any other he had experienced before. His alarm still rang, he was still slightly late to work. But he cashed his reward and gave notice, he asked Amanda to come travelling which she agreed to joking along the way that technically she bought the winning ticket so it would in fact be her treat. When he returned home to pack, in his doorway a small brown envelope with a small blue book inside. He didn’t even look as he threw it away.

That being said, you might be surprised to learn Amanda carries a notebook, not unlike William’s it has become filled with her days, but also her thoughts, her ideas, the ways new places fascinate and the beauty of the unknowns. No Amanda’s little black book is a chance to make something beautiful.