BFF Breakups

(Article by Christina Brady)

I sent the following messages to a friend I’ve had since 7th grade. (A photo of said images is further down if it’s urgent for you to see). I’m a soon to be freshman in college now. The two of us have had our ups and downs before this. But I sort of had this “Eurika!” moment that it wasn’t worth my energy to be the the dry well out of which she drank. It wasn’t worth being scolded by a supposed “friend” only to brush it off as her honest demeanor. I was tired of it and I needed to rest down my bucket to let the water build up from the ground.

I genuinely hope she finds a new way to get her water, because attention really was like water to her. She’s an extrovert, and I’ve always leaned torward the end of being an introvert. I still love her very dearly and I want what’s best for her in the future. However, I can no longer see a better version of myself around her or vice versa. We’re toxic for eachother. It’s like an alcoholic and a diabetic go to a bar and get the sweetest, most potent drink possible... and not just one, but one too many. And then they go again two or three times over, until one of them says “Stop! I can’t do this anymore, it’s not good for ethier of us”, and then they go thier separate ways.

Essentially, that was the two of us. She was addicted to the way friendship made her feel, I was just so numb it was a good distraction... or honestly it could have been the other way around. The point is, I woke up in some way. That I’d rather be alone then lonely talking to the same person day after day for the rest of my life.

It killed me to say goodbye, it gave me what I can only described as a burning sadness at my hearts core. But honestly, in comparison, it feels nice to what felt so cold and empty. I actually feel free.

Am I saying you should break up with your best friend? Well... no not exactly, not unless the two of you don’t understand eachother the way friends are supposed to. And if you don’t just set them free. Forgive them, and say goodbye.

Will it be hard? Of course it will be hard. But as long as there’s someone their to support you, and as long as you take care of yourself, you’ll come out of it okay. Sure, you’ll miss this friend from time to time... or at least you’ll think you will, but what you’re really missing is the friendship it’s self. You feel the empty space of what was there, and like a scar from a gouge or a blow... it will hurt to press on until it’s healed.

“How do I stop missing my friendship?”, you might be asking yourself. It’s not as easy as just not thinking about it for sure... or else I wouldn’t be writing this. But as I said, and I’ll repeat it again in a different way, losing a friend is like “losing a piece of yourself”, like losing a piece of skin. That being said, skin grows back. Sometimes stitches and creams can help us, just as doing this is helpful to me. It may also help to talk it out with a family member. This will give you the emotional support you need, and help to remind you you’re not alone.

Also, if the impact of this friendship has harmed your mental health to a point where you think it necessary to seek professional help, please do so. Try to remember, just as with they say in the romantic, “their are plenty of fish in the sea”. You’ll make new friends someday, and sure you’ll always have your disagreements, but they won’t hurt you so deeply as to scar you. In any true friendship, your skin should bounce back, the issues should dissolve. The two of you would learn together, and make a conscious effort not repeat the same mistakes. And even when we do have a true friendship, sometimes the cut’s too deep and the stitches break. Ultimately, what we need at the root of our heart and soul is healing, and that is what we should seek to find.