Betrayal, Part 1.

I want to start by saying betrayal is a global issue- it hits on so many levels; race, class, education, health care, government, media influence, planetary cycles (we are coming out of a Kali Yuga)… it expands FAR past the parent-child relationship. This essay is a little baby dive into the micro/macro of betrayal. This is part one of a two-part essay.

When I started writing this essay it was all about me. Big smile. About my own internal processing and writing out my experience so that I can move the fuck on from my horrid past. But as I started writing… it dawned upon me how massive the issue of betrayal is. We have a serious betrayal issue happening in our world, people. I feel this is true for many of our seemingly small personal issues but for whatever reason it really hit me while writing about betrayal!

Think about the betrayal we have all experienced regarding our education system (across all boards); what we’ve been told is important to know & learn about in life; how we are all forced to study the same exact things in the same exact way with no consideration of our unique nature and purpose. Look at what we’ve been told is and isn’t healthy for the human body and our environment, our planet, our home… Look at what we’ve been told about emotional health and wellness & the lack of inter-relatedness we are taught in general about everything. Our entire mainstream education system is funded by corporate interests and corrupt politico (same thing). We have been taught prescription medication is the answer to our outbreak of health issues (including mental health) rather than genuine human connection, nutrition, clean air, soil & water. Less than 10% of a doctor's education is based on nutrition. Not to mention the innate healing capabilities we all have available to us through our energy fields when we have healthy bodies. The field of energy medicine and its miracles is one of the things we just sweep under the rug because it shakes a lot of our beliefs to the core. Energy work has been the most supportive of all the healing modalities I’ve tried and it took me over a decade (yes, 10 years) to fully embrace it because of stigma and identity reasons. On the collective energy front, we have been taught environmental rape/extraction & creating and releasing harmful toxins is the only way to create the energy we need to fuel an advanced world, that there is no other way, and that there’s not enough for everyone (total insanity). We’ve been sold this bogus idea of lack on a grand scale. The Big Money in the world uses its power & influence in media to manipulate the masses. Divide & conquer is the oldest trick in the book. And yet… here we are. We are witnessing an epidemic of illness on every level and betrayal seeps into them all. We are all being lied to (Enter song by Big Silenca). I think we have forgotten what true leadership looks and feels like because we have been without it for so long. We are living in an inverted reality, a reality where greed and destruction are idolized.

Pluto moves out of Capricorn and into Aquarius.

“On a global scale, we are seeing the same cycle that saw the rise and fall of King George III and Captain Cook as well as Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette. This is the cycle that ended the old United States and saw the beginning of the new United States. The slow Pluto transition from Capricorn to Aquarius was last seen between 1762 and 1778. Substitute Prime Minister Boris Johnson, former Prime Minister Scott Morrison, Vladimir Putin, Prince Andrew, and Donald Trump for those kings, queens, and captains who rose and began to fall between 1762 and 1778 – and you’re getting close. Pluto rules plutocrats. In Capricorn, they are at the top. The Stars and Stripes represent the United States. We can predict a new American flag in this next transition period, taking us to the year 2044. The states you know today will cease to exist. The new America is waiting to be born. Pluto is about a global change in the balance of power, which has a trickle-down effect on your own life” - https://www.jessicaadams.com/2022/06/08/blog/the-end-of-pluto-in-capricorn-2/

These corrupt, betrayal-ridden systems are coming to the end of their cycle. Thank God. What are we learning? I think what’s missing most in the abundance of information available in our current time is the plan of how to move forward. How do we move away from our current predicament? What are we moving towards? What does our ideal future look like? Notice how many movies there are portraying dystopia… where are all the movies demonstrating our Earthly Paradise? We see so much of what isn’t working and not enough of what is working. Or should I say, what could work if we had the proper leadership to pursue certain “idealistic” notions on a larger scale. I’ll be writing more about this in another essay.

I love Jennifer Freyd’s work on betrayal. Her book, Blind to Betrayal: Why We Fool Ourselves We Aren't Being Fooled, is a gem. Highly recommend reading it. I have included many of my favorite highlights below.

Betrayal Blindness means not seeing what is there in front of you.

“The earliest known meaning of the root word of “blind” was not sightlessness but confusion and darkness. The word “blind” has evolved to have two, interrelated, primary meanings. One; unable to see and two; unwilling or unable to perceive or understand.”

A Quick Suppression

Jennifer writes about the “whooshing” away of memories & events. In energy work, this is referred to as “erasures”. The Cambridge Dictionary describes ‘erasures’ as “the act of causing a feeling, memory, or period of time to be completely forgotten.”

There is a documentary I love about Sergei Polunin, the famous ballet dancer. In it, Sergei talks about how hurt he was when he found out his parents divorced; how he didn’t want to care about anything ever again, and how he didn’t want any memories. I remember making the same wish- I didn’t want to remember anything. It’s funny because now that I am more aware of myself I can remember “whooshing” certain painful events into this one spot in my aura. Like in Harry Potter, how Dumbledore collects memories with his wand, how they look like tiny, glowing streams of energy. It’s like I would take my painful memories, these tiny, glowing streams of energy, and place them in this one spot, a spot I would later start to call “My Back Spot” because a ton of pain had collected there. The more aware you become, the more you realize you are the one choosing.

In her book, Jennifer writes about a woman who was blind to her husband's betrayal, even though she had seen him kiss another woman, not only once, but twice. She writes about how the woman didn’t think it was possible that her husband would cheat on her and somehow these memories of learning about her husband’s infidelities were left unprocessed in her system. This reminds me of Cognitive Dissonance. The Truth is, if people feel they cannot handle something, they protect themselves from it; selectively choosing what and what not to accept. Everyone does this. Everyone has blindspots to knowledge that feels like it’s going to destabilize our system. This is a safety mechanism.

On a global scale, how much information is out there to support the so-called “Conspiracy Theories”? How many scientists and doctors and other health care professionals and ex-army officials and reporters and witnesses have come forward? How many have died? Not only from pharmaceuticals and illness from toxic waste but have you seen the Clinton Kill list? I kid you not, 47 people who have worked with the Clintons have died mysteriously…! That’s a crazy number, my friends. 47 people. How much proof do we need? How many whistleblowers does it take? Or better yet, what do we need to feel safe enough to face these truths? In my journey, I have learned safety is the big thing in facing hard truths. Your system has to feel safe. So how can we create safety?

When I read Jennifer’s words, “We wondered how much of betrayal blindness was motivated by a desire not to know,” I started to cry. I think I’ve mentioned this in a previous essay, but, coming to terms with these kinds of profound betrayals has been the great challenge of my life (of our lives- shout out to my fellow Pluto in Scorpio crew!) It’s a lot to face, you guys. Not only on a personal level but on a collective level! It’s so very painful to know that those you love and needed most, betrayed you, AND, on a far grander scale, to know that the world you grew up in was a fake. A Borg. A suffocating of all that is real and meaningful. It’s a crumbling of all you’ve ever known. A false fantasy falling apart. It takes your breath away. It cuts really deep and it hurts, bad. Even after all the work I’ve put in to heal, I still feel the grief of it. In my initial draft of this essay, tears fell as I typed. I think after the grief is processed it’s completely possible to find excitement in it all. What a time to be alive, eh? Also, a side note on grief: I really admire Adriana Rizzolo’s (@artofloving) work. She is one person I feel truly understands grief and rage. One of my greatest regrets is allowing myself to fall into despair for so many years. I wish I had been brave enough to find the kind of support I needed rather than lock myself away in hiding. If you are struggling with grief (and/or rage) I highly recommend exploring Adriana’s work. Dancing, writing, screaming, crying, silence, and music. These are the medicines that have worked best for me in moving these heavy emotions. Know that you are not alone! I love you.

Ok so back to Jennifer’s book. The woman who was betrayed by her husband said she wanted to believe she had a happy marriage. For me (like so many of us), I wanted to believe I had a family that loved me. Believing there was just something inherently wrong with me felt less painful than the reality that my parents were deeply wounded, unable to love me, and using subconscious, manipulative, harmful behaviors in an effort to not face their own trauma/shatter their self-image which in turn caused me to repeat traumatic cycles in all of my relationships moving forward, leading to my subsequent nervous breakdown. My brother and sister were manipulated into being against me, as well. There is literally not one person in my entire family tree (including aunts, uncles, cousins, etc…) with whom I am able to have a relationship. It’s very sad. On the grand scale, learning about our food & health systems, our corrupt government and school systems, and the destruction of our planet... was a shock. Honestly, at first, I felt really gung-ho about it all. I was excited and passionate about creating change until no one else in my life felt the same way and my long-buried rejection and abandonment wounds reared their ugly (not ugly, just in desperate need of attention) heads and due to my patterning of betrayal blindness, rather than just let go of these relationships that weren’t supportive & continuing to follow my own passions, I fell into complete collapse, into an overwhelming freeze response. When I look back now I think maybe the Dark Night was necessary, but maybe it wasn’t. Maybe we don’t all have to go through that shit. I hope my writing about all of this helps people to know that there is a softer way, it doesn’t have to be so devastatingly brutal.

How many of us want to believe that which is not true? How many of us betray ourselves because we don’t want to stand in opposition to those we loved and depended on, even if they have neglected & abandoned us? How many of us want to believe we live in a better world than currently exists? How many of us want to believe our governments have the people’s best interests at heart? How many of us don’t want to let go of The American & Disney Dream? How many of us are choosing to stay blind to reality because of a fear of the unknown?

I love the betrayed woman in the book’s portrayal: “Betrayal is so contrary to what one expects that it throws you off balance. It tips you over. It’s like where I have been? Everything that I know to be true is not true. It’s insidious. It’s got tentacles that breach in and make you question everything.”

“On discovery of betrayal, a key response is to re-organize one’s perceptions of what has happened; to re-write history. Betrayal, therefore, has a fundamental impact on one’s perceptions of reality.”

Most adults, unless they have trained themselves with meditation practice, go into a fear response when placed in a state of emergency. How long have we been at war? Does anyone know? How long have our systems been in a lingering, subconscious fear response? Could this be intentional? Fear & ongoing trauma can make the adult human regress into a child’s state, making us easier to control and manipulate.

“Leaders who want blind coherence can engage in fear-mongering. When citizens are afraid they are more dependent on their leaders and thus more at risk of remaining blind to the leaders' lies and betrayals. Indeed, oppressors may encourage the ignorance of the oppressed in many ways.” - Jennifer Freyd, Blind to Betrayal

Gigi Young (go find Gigi on YouTube), Concerning Division:

“If somebody does get the V, or believes in the V, that’s fine, I don’t mind. I don’t feel like this is something we should hate each other for. I don’t feel like this should be a topic that divides us. If you want to go ahead and get the V, that’s fine. If you want to suggest that people should get it I disagree with you and I think that it’s dangerous but I’m not going to hate you. I’m not going to feed into the division that the people in power need. They need us to be at each other’s throats, they need us to be hateful, and they need us to have someone be “evil” and someone be “good”. Because as long as that exists they don’t have to take responsibility for all of the atrocities that they’ve done. And that they are still doing. So we really have to understand that division is the ultimate goal. Which is why we move from one emergency situation to another. And why all of these emergency situations the end result is us being pitted against each other. Acting like we’re in some kind of tribal warfare again. We need to get beyond this and we need to start focusing our attention on the top where it really should be.

We have no idea what the real C death numbers are. We are literally unable to agree upon what reality is. Which is an incredibly difficult situation to be in, when nobody can decide on what reality is. Especially when it would just take an afternoon to figure out what it is. But yet we’re being carried along as if nobody really knows what’s going on because we’re not really supposed to. Because being in chaos, having people be in chaos, having people be confused, creates something called a hypnagogic state. And it is a light trance state. And it happens when people are traumatized. It is a form of trauma. It is a form of trauma and psychological warfare, make no mistake.

To make it so that a population, through intense propaganda, cannot sense what their reality is. There is no agreed-upon reality. In civilizations that are this populated and this huge we at least need to have a reality that we agree on.

So it is actually a psychological warfare tactic to have such intense chaos going on that people cannot feel what reality is. And it actually can make people start to go crazy and deteriorate very quickly. It makes you zone out. Because there’s something searching, there’s something skipping inside of you because you cannot ground into what reality is. You cannot move forward. And then what ends up happening is you become very very very malleable. Where eventually you can have ideas put into your mind and you’re more susceptible to maybe outrageous things that you wouldn’t be in the past. So the more that we don’t know what’s going on, the more in chaos we are, the more exhausted we become, the more likely we are to accept tyranny, the more likely we are to accept our rights being taken away and things like that because we just want it to end. This is a tactic. We have to understand this. There are many people who have been manipulated and full-on brainwashed into believing certain narratives by having their wounds manipulated and targeted so they go into this tribal state.”

WHEW. It lights me UP. I feel like I’ve been living in this kind of hypnagogic state for the past few YEARS… because I’ve been so overwhelmed with sadness and afraid to stand up for what I believe in because so many people see it as “crazy” or “conspiracy” or “woo” ... and listen, I am a Capricorn Sun in Vedic Astrology, and my midheaven is in Capricorn- I do not want to be seen as “crazy” or a “conspiracy theorist” or “woo”, ok?! I don’t like it one bit. But I am past all of that now because it’s gotten to the point where I am no longer able to stay wrapped up tight in a bud. It’s time to bloom.

Think about how dependent we have become on our government… how many of us grow our own food? Raise our own animals? Harvest our own water? Not nearly enough. What would happen if we believed our government abandoned us? How many of us are addicted to the way things are? Addicted to chaos? Addicted to the hustle? Addicted to the chemicals released into our bloodstream during times of distress? Coming from someone who has battled serious addictions, I feel like this is one of our biggest blocks. It’s definitely been one of my biggest blocks.

I’m sure you know the term adrenaline junkie? Our body releases adrenaline in times of intense stress. Adrenaline is addictive. Peace feels very uncomfortable (and boring) when you’re used to living in survival mode. There’s a movie I like called Whiskey Tango Foxtrot which I think shows an excellent example of how we humans can get addicted to the chaos chemicals. The movie is based on the true story of journalist Kim Barker who wrote a memoir called “The Taliban Shuffle”. In it, Tiny Fey plays a reporter who decides to go to Afghanistan as a war correspondent and she and the other correspondents there become accustomed to living in a war zone. They start to like it. Eh hem.

The stages of Truth: First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.