Betrayal

No one ever really sits down to talk about what experiences actually change who they are. People dont even realize how things can influence who they are. With attachment comes comes breakage. At some point in some way it does happen. Major or minimal. What actually changes in your mind when you feel betrayed. It'll test your entire control of your emotions. What it means to feel ignorant and immediately blame yourself, sets you up for quick self criticism later on. There is nothing worse than breaking yourself down. When the only explanation is self blame. Coming from confusion. There is never a warning sign and you're completely thrown off guard when someone or something you put all your trust into, becomes your enemy. The thought that it was intentional. It had to be intentional because they were attached to you the same way you were attached to them, right ? So with confusion and ignorance comes failure. I went for it and it hurt me. They hurt me. You failed so you had to of done something wrong. What was wrong about you. Self doubt is center of all the heat. The burning sensation inside that makes you lose all hope. You begin to hate what you see and what you are. But this isn't you so, who is it your staring at. When you began to doubt yourself you began to change. Into a different image. The image the betrayal made you out to be.

Betrayal was a killer for me. To ask myself how could someone that i cared for so much be so careless. I was confused, I felt ignorant, I blamed myself, I doubted my ability and what it was i wanted. I realize now how someones else's actions can have so much control over a person. But as fast as it can take you and change you, you can escape.

Take your confusion and find an answer. That answer is sometimes hard to accept because the truth hurts. But there is always and answer. Everything happens for a reason. With the answer, eliminate the need to keep investigating your pain. Your pain is only for you to understand so you have the answers. Even if you have to dig. Soon the questions don't seem too hard and ignorance inside becomes foolish. With the confidence of knowing, apply honestly to yourself in every aspect that you can criticize. Realize that you only become worse outside when you were worse inside. Whats inside shows through the more you grow and self accept. Its ok to isolate and take time to redetermine your surroundings and happiness. Self isolation can be the best thing for you. No one else is needed in this process. Healing from betrayal takes times. It can be easy but we have to focus on what it is we prefer. To run away, or fight. The scariest battle to face is the demons within ourselves.