Being the ‘Good Girl’ Failed Me — Here’s Why”

As I blew out my 25th birthday candles, I realized something — my wish was lost in a sea of empty promises. I played by the rules all my life, striving to be the perfect daughter, the perfect student, the “good girl.” But what did it get me? A world of unmet expectations. I was so focused on doing everything right, but I never stopped to ask myself: was it enough to just be “good”? Turns out, it wasn’t.

In this post, I’ll share my journey and how I learned the hard way that following the rules isn’t always the answer.

Childhood: The Perfect Daughter Syndrome

In a conservative household, following the rules was the ultimate virtue. As a timid, introverted young girl, I mirrored my mother’s every word and action, considering them sacred and binding. I strived for the highest marks, not to outdo others but to ensure I was never compared to my cousins or classmates. I even skipped school trips and excursions, afraid my absence might worry her.

I spent my childhood alone in my room, playing with dolls. Everything I did was to earn my parents’ love and approval.

But looking back, I realize I lost more than I gained. I became an anxious young woman without the carefree memories of a true childhood. My world was reduced to dolls and the constant refrain: “Am I good enough?”

The First Wake-Up Call: Medical School & Burnout

Medical school was my first real wake-up call — far from the safety of my childhood routines, I was suddenly thrust into a world that demanded my all. I threw myself into my studies like I always had, trying to make up for the lack of a “normal” life by being perfect in the one thing I could control: my academics.

But with each passing day, the weight of the textbooks, the pressure to excel, and the isolation started to crack me. I realized that the rules I’d followed all my life weren’t enough to protect me from burnout. I felt like a machine — studying, attending lectures, passing exams, but where was the life beyond it all? There was no time to breathe, no time to find myself.

Looking back, I see that I was repeating a pattern: the pressure to be perfect and the constant pursuit of approval — first from my family, then from professors, and eventually from myself. But somewhere along the way, I forgot to nurture the parts of me that made life worth living, the experiences and emotions outside of textbooks and exams.

It wasn’t until I started hitting walls — feeling emotionally drained and physically exhausted — that I realized something wasn’t right. It was the first time I acknowledged that following the rules and doing “everything right” wasn’t going to guarantee me happiness. The constant striving to meet expectations, while noble, left me with little space to explore my own identity.

The Quarter-Life Crisis: Watching Others Move Forward

Turning 25 felt like hitting a wall. Everyone around me seemed to have it all figured out. Friends were getting married, having babies, stepping into their careers — all things I was supposed to be doing too. But instead, I felt like I was stuck in limbo, still chasing approval from others, still holding onto that “good girl” mentality.

That night when I cried after hearing about my friend’s wedding, I realized something profound: I wasn’t crying because I wasn’t married, but because I felt invisible. Like I’d missed the mark. In my mind, I’d followed all the rules — excel in school, stay disciplined, be a good daughter. But where was my reward? Why was everyone else moving ahead while I was standing still?

I questioned everything — my life choices, my upbringing, my relationships. It felt like I had been running on someone else’s timeline, trying to meet expectations that were never really mine. And deep down, I realized I had neglected my own desires, my own journey. It’s hard to shake the feeling that I’ve missed out on things other people get so easily. But here’s the kicker: everyone’s timeline is different. What feels like a setback might actually be a stepping stone in disguise.

The Turtle: A Shift from Obedience to Action

For so long, I lived like a turtle, retreating into my shell at the slightest sign of discomfort, avoiding life’s challenges and hard choices. Whenever life presented something unfamiliar or overwhelming, I would pull back, finding comfort in the small, dark space I created for myself. I told myself it was to protect me — but in reality, the very walls that were meant to shield me from the world kept me from living fully. I was playing it safe, abiding by the boundaries set for me by society, my parents, and my own fears.

But here’s the bitter truth: being “good” wasn’t enough.

The turtle is often criticized for its shell, yet it’s praised for its resilience. That brings to mind the classic race between the turtle and the rabbit. Maybe I haven’t been sprinting like the rabbit, but the turtle’s slow, steady pace means I’m still in the race. At 25, I’m starting to realize: it’s not too late. If anything, this is my chance to start moving forward with purpose — to make the bold choices I was too scared to make before. My path might not have followed the traditional timeline, but that doesn’t mean it’s over. It’s just different.

Maybe, just maybe, the real race isn’t about speed — it’s about where we end up.

To all the late bloomers, those who’ve always felt like they’re running behind: Are you ready to step out of your shell?

Because sometimes, it’s the quiet ones who end up surprising everyone in the end.