Behind the Smiles: How to Identify and Deal with Two-Faced People

Ever felt like someone in your life is all smiles to your face but different behind your back? They seem very nice, helpful and supportive up until that very moment when they reveal themselves in gossip, betrayal, or other manipulative tactics.

Unfortunately, I’ve gotten burned like this too many times, and even worse, when I chose to be vulnerable with people I actually trusted, thinking I could safely share my thoughts and emotions.

Well, never again! Having been in this situation so many times, I have learned to spot some of the traits of these forked tongue people, because trust me, they are often good at hiding their true intentions.

So let’s dive into how you can spot these individuals and manage them effectively.

Identifying Two-Faced People.

Inconsistent Behavior.

Look for change and pay attention to their communication. Does this person’s behavior towards you vary depending on whom they’re with? Is he super-friendly with you but cold and dismissive when you’re not around? Look for those confusing signals.

Lack of Accountability.

Shifting blame. Two-faced people are notoriously bad at owning up to their own mistakes. They might make excuses, blame others for their errors, or lie to cover up their wrongdoings in the hope of getting away with it.

Gossiping and Spreading Rumors.

Ganging up on someone behind their back to ruin them for petty reasons is their favorite activity. So notice if they often talk negatively about others when they are not around or try to spark some fire between friends with provocative comments.

If you spot these traits, chances are, they might be doing the same about you behind your back.

Dealing with Two-Faced People.

Now that you’ve found someone who’s been two-faced, what do you do? Dealing with such individuals can be tricky, but with the right approach, you can protect yourself and maintain your peace of mind. So here’s how to handle these situations effectively:

Stay Calm and Collected.

First of all, don’t fly off the handle. It’s easy to feel upset or angry when you find a person has been lying to you, but reacting immediately can often exacerbate the situation.

Hit the pause button: take a deep breath and take some time. If you react out of emotion and lashed out on them, they will pull the victim card and you will be left as a bad guy.

So let yourself cool down for a few minutes so that you can think your response through calmly. Be in control of yourself before you speak.

Communicate Directly.

When you’re ready, talk to the person in a calm manner. Share what you’ve seen and how it impacted you using ‘I’ statements. Avoid making accusations, substituting ‘You’ for ‘I’.

For instance, ‘I’m hurt when I hear that you’ve been talking about me behind my back’ is more constructive than ‘You always talk about me behind my back.

Clearly communicate what behaviors you find unacceptable and establish boundaries. For example, you might say, “I need honesty in our interactions, and I won’t tolerate gossip.”

Setting these boundaries helps protect you from future instances of manipulative behavior and lets the person know that their actions have consequences.

Limit Your Interactions.

If the person continues this toxic behavior after you already have a talk, it may be wise to distance yourself from them, especially if you feel your mental space become compromised.

However, it’s quite possible that you won’t be able to completely shut down all communication with that person, especially if that someone who you work with.

So if you need to keep some kind of relationship with this person — limit sharing personal information. Keep it at the level where you are comfortable with the person, and nothing more. Minimize the talk and conversation about important aspects of your life.

Document Incidents.

This could sound a little bit weird, but if it’s having a significant impact on your work or your life in general, document it. What was said; what was done? When did they say it or do it? It might be all you’ve got if you have to take it any higher; perhaps to the HR department or higher authorities.

If you document, aim for a neutral stance: keep your facts straight, without adding emotional commentary. Then if you need to go public, you’ll have a calm, formal record that recounts the sequence of events cleanly and factually.

Avoid Retaliation.

It’s easy to be tempted to try to fight fire with fire when you realize you’re dealing with a manipulative person. But walking down this dark path will bring you down to their level. You will force them to escalate things further and eventually you will end up losing because this is their game.

So stay honest, respectful, and consistent. That way you establish how you want to be treated and encourage that kind of treatment for others.

Protect Your Peace.

It’s not going to be easy and it takes time to deal with these individuals. But it’s essential for your peace of mind and well-being. You deserve to be surrounded by genuine and trustworthy people. So trust yourself and prioritize your emotional health!

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This article originally posted here.