Becoming Strong

Strength: “The ability to create the outcome you desire and overcome internal and external forces that would prevent you from achieving that outcome”

Strength, whether it be physical, mental or emotional, is acquired through a universal human ability: adaption.

Put it simply, the formula for becoming stronger is straightforward:

1. Confront your weakness

2. Continue to do so until you adapt.

Physical Strength

I am not a fitness expert, but one thing I’ve learned about the body is the process called “homeostasis.”

Homeostasis is essentially this: our bodies adapt to whatever we put them through and will exert the minimum amount of energy necessary to execute the tasks we give it. We lift weights to tear down the muscle. Our bodies respond by growing that muscle back stronger in order to withstand the demands we place on it. If you do a lot of cardio, your heart rate drops as your body adapts, because your heart will only beat as often as is necessary to sustain you.

The key to this is that many people stop exerting themselves towards strength because the initial phase is painful. It is only painful until you adapt, then it becomes easier. It is not hard forever.

Mental Strength

I like to use homeostasis as a thought experiment for understanding and optimizing myself in all areas.

Neuroscience has shown that our brains work similarly to our bodies. Our synapses fire along the same lines. They follow the path of least resistance.

Imagine your brain as if you were looking down on a forest from above and envision well-worn paths through the woods. Whatever path your thoughts typically take will create synaptic “trails” in your brain.

If you want to become mentally stronger, the only way is to do the hard work of blazing a new “trail” of thoughts and create new paths in your mind. Again, this is temporary work. Once the new paths are created, once you have adapted, they will become the new normal. Your brain will reach homeostasis and follow these new paths without conscious effort.

Emotional Strength

If you are out of shape, ignoring it and hoping it will go away is obviously not going to change anything.

If you are mentally weak, allowing your mind to follow the same patterns is also not going to change anything,

Why do we treat emotions differently? Ignoring them and hoping they will work themselves out is nonsensical. It doesn’t work with our bodies. It doesn’t work with our minds. It doesn’t work with our emotions.

The only way to develop emotional strength is the same way you develop physical strength. Work it out, deal with it. Sit in the pain and let it hurt. It won’t hurt forever. It will only hurt until you have dealt with it.

Resilient Strength

People who are not strong (yet) typically use the same reasoning. They avoid hard things; the very things that would make them stronger. They do so out of fear. Fear of looking foolish, fear of making mistakes, fear of getting hurt.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but we all get wounded. We also all heal. That’s what scars are. You can either sit and do nothing to avoid getting wounded or you can trust the fact that you can heal and bear your scars proudly.

We all get knocked down. The only way to become resilient is to stand back up and keep going. Put one foot in front of the other, make progress each day and keep getting back up until you’ve adapted to whatever was knocking you down.

Never Compare Strength

There is a fine line between being inspired by others and discouraged by others. No matter where you are in life, there will always be someone who can lift mote, who has more money, who is better looking. There is no end to comparisons. We are all running the same race, however:

- We didn’t all start in the same place

- We didn’t all start at the same time

- Some of us run faster than others

Your race is yours alone. Accept where you are, accept your circumstances, accept your ability and start running the race as best as you can. That’s all anyone can do.

Humility amplifies strength

Despite our cultural preconceptions, there is no shame in asking for help. That is your pride lying to you. We all like to pretend we are "self-made”, but that’s exactly what it is - pretending. Anyone who has been successful has had people help them along the way.

If you want to become physically strong, hire a trainer.

If you want to become mentally strong, join a men’s or women’s group. Bring people into your life you can share your goals, give your perspective, hold yourself accountable and celebrate your successes.

If you want to become emotionally strong and have issues you need to deal with talk to a therapist, a coach, or a specialist.

Above all, just take action. If you don’t know where you start, ask. There are no bonus points in life for doing things alone. The goal is all that matters.

Strength Takes Ownership

Without a doubt, many people were dealt a bad hand; maybe you grew up in a broken home, in poverty. Maybe you were abandoned, bullied, abused by a parent, partner or even left behind by society. None of those are your fault.

While I have compassion for that, that doesn’t change this stark reality: this is your life. The only one you are going to get. You get to make of it whatever you want.

Allowing those real circumstances to dictate your life is no different than allowing someone to jump in and drive your brain around the rest of your life.

Becoming strong starts with realizing and accepting that it happened. There is nothing you can do about it other than to heal from it and move on. Anything else is allowing those things to further sabotage your life.

The best revenge is a life well-lived.