Barbara-not-Barbara, my concussive hero

Barbara is her not-real name, but my freshly damaged brain imprinted my guardian angel as Barbara. I entered my local library three days after a work related car accident resulted in a severe concussion and whiplash.

For those who don't know, as I only had a faint idea, concussions involve more than a few days of headaches and fatigue, but we'll get to that in a different read. I entered the library with my view of the world askew at an almost 45 degree angle, monster headache with tinnitus that heightened every other sound. Then there were the tears. I couldn't stop crying. Or form a complete sentence without speaking complete gibberish, which falls under the aphasia category. But the crying was out of control.

Immediately I explained my situation as I needed help with the fax machine. I couldn't remember how to use the copier or fax, which at my local library is a service I have used several times, however, just couldn't recall. Which brought another deluge of tears. Barbara brought me aside and shared her story of a car accident where she sustained a serious concussion and had symptoms exactly like mine.

I cried. I wasn't having a psychotic break. My brain really was injured. These things were real, crappy, awful things to deal with for an undetermined amount of time. But they were real. She talked to me the entire time she took care of my paper work, even made me tea while she helped me write in what needed to be done.

When I walked into the library that day the only thing I could think of was how NOT ME I was and I couldn't take it anymore. And the pain-the pain was horrible. I was thinking about ending it. I didn't want to live like that. Stuttering, confused, in pain, dizzy, so much more. Barbara told me all about her struggles which were the same as mine and only three days in. I knew I had a way to go. Talking to another person who was still healing four years later but holding a part time job gave me hope.

Barbara could have just helped me to the fax machine maybe done the dialing for me but she took time out of her day to bond with me. She shared her personal experience with a traumatic brain injury with another patient and gave them the precious gifts of compassion and hope. Barbara-not-Barbara saw a real need for genuine compassion and kindness and acted on it. I know other staff members there would not have gone to the lengths that this angel did. She was on that Monday morning for a reason, to talk me down and through a black fog so dense it was eating me whole.

The moral here is, help others. Share your stories with people. Billions of humans on this rock, you never know who you can reach simply by being kind, and talking about your experiences. I sincerely hope that Barbara-not-Barbara remembers me. I always make it a point to look for her when I go to the library, but its hard to ask around for a woman who's name you made up! Sometimes she's there and we talk, but she has not returned since the library reopened after Covid. She has no clue what she did for me that day, but I will be eternally grateful that she did.