Authentically Me

A few days ago, I submitted an entry for the real authentic self-challenge. Still waiting for approval, I realized although a nice story, I wasn’t portraying myself as authentically as I could. You see… I hide.

I’ve done this my entire life. Why? Because I’m afraid of being ridiculed for who I am and what I believe in. Recently I read Courtney Capone’s entry. She used the word unfiltered and it just about knocked me off my feet. Unfiltered. I’m not unfiltered. I’m about as stopped up as they come.

In my latest story, By The Light of the Moon, I mention seeing glimpses of my authentic self. I believe she rests hidden away from the outside world while waiting for me to rediscover her again.

From an authentic point of view, I’m a major introvert. I love nothing better than spending time alone. I detest cruelty to humans and animals. I feel a deep sadness when I think of how we, as human beings, have hurt each other throughout history.

I enjoy being around people. My job is all about people but after a while, I feel overwhelmed. This is when I need downtime to recuperate my energy. Some people might think this is rude but I know when I’m overwhelmed. If I rest, I’m ready to keep going and get things done.

My love of fairy tales, magic, and folklore began at an early age. Although I'm an American my Scots/Irish heritage has played a big role in my life. The Outlander series sends chills through my body not because Jamie Fraser is gorgeous, never mind that, but when I see the Scottish countryside, their clothes, their way of life (without the violence) I’m glued to the television. My authentic self must be very old or I was born in the wrong century. By the way, my grandmother was a Fraser, just saying….

Castles, swords, beautiful Friesian horses, and knights in shining armor are a deep part of me. Maybe I’m nuts or a raging romantic but something stirs within me from a faraway place when I think of these things. It’s almost like a magnetic force that draws me to Great Britain and Ireland. Again, I can’t explain it but that’s the way I am. Maybe I’m hoping a dashing knight will swoop in and save me from something I dread.

I’m reading a very old book, its pages yellow with age. The story of King Arthur and his Knights, written by Howard Pyle. There is a passage in the book that goes like this, written by Pyle himself:

“I believe King Arthur was the most honorable, gentle knight who ever lived in all the world. And those few fellows of the Round table-taking him as their looking glass of chivalry-made altogether, such a company of noble knights that it is hardly to be supposed that their like will ever be seen again in this world.”

His words tugged at my heart and I started to cry. Are the ways of chivalry truly over?

My authentic self believes in life on other planets. How can we be the only living being in the Universe? I’m fascinated with the mysticism of ancient civilizations. I believe there is more to what we see on our television screens or what we gather as Truth from googling the internet. There is a world not many of us know anything about except by hearsay. Is there a higher power? If there’s darkness, there must be light. I’ve had a glimpse of this world invisible to our own but I dare say more. Halloween has passed us by.

This is me. Caroline. My authentic self and I reunite once in a while when I’m not hiding from the world or my family. I wanted to clarify this for you. I do hope you read the other story, it’s a good one.

I doubt I’ll win the challenge but this piece is definitely a part of my healing. Vocal is also part of it. I’m sincerely grateful to all of you. Vocal not only saved my life but it opened my eyes so I could embrace my purpose and continue to do what I truly love.