Attachment

I stared off into the distance, watching the trees slightly sway back and forth from the gentle breeze that pushed its way passed through the hill side. My eyes seemed to dance back and forth, almost as if they were searching for answers. He watched me, studying my face trying to read the confused, yet heart ache expression that was written all over it. “You’re riddled with attachment, my dear.” He said quietly. I slightly turned to face him, our eyes interlocking. I could feel the tears begin to well up in my eyes as I said desperately, disappointed in myself “I am… but I don’t want to be.” I let a small sigh escape my lips as it was getting harder to hold back the tears. The concern washed over his face, the slight dismay in his voice while he questioned me “You’re in love, aren’t you?” I couldn’t look at him then, as a tear rolled down my cheek, I glanced toward my feet, gazing longingly at the ruffled surface of the earth. I didn’t even have to answer him, because he already knew. I could hear the sincerity in his voice as he spoke “Why do you continue to fight it?” I kept my gaze locked onto the ground as I said weakly “Because I’ve never felt this way before, but yet I know in my heart and mind that him and I are one in the same.” He never took his eyes off of me and I could hear the seriousness and danger in his voice “If he truly is anything like you… then you are doomed… but you already know that.” I felt my chin begin to tremble, his words cutting through my heart like a knife. The tears began to fall from my eyes, as I silently attempted to wipe them away as I brought myself to look at him once again. I could see he felt my pain, but he remained almost disconnected as I said “I know. But that is the risk that comes with this.” That’s when he looked away, glancing off into the distance as the sun was beginning to set. “It’s like I’ve always told you, this life just isn’t meant for you. But you will do what you feel is right” as he continued knowingly “so let us hope that this time I’m wrong.” I could feel the pain and anguish flood inside my chest, unable to hide it as I frantically wiped away the tears that were now streaming down my face. He looked back at me then, I could see the heart ache in his eyes, but that quickly changed as he calmly spoke “You know what needs to be done. Either you fully embrace it, allowing yourself to become weak in this infatuation, or you dis-concern yourself and walk away. The choice is yours.” He could see the desperation withered in my eyes as I cried out “But this is different, I just know it!” I gasped “I feel it!” Holding my hand up against my chest where my heart laid. He meekly smiled at me then, I could hear the insight and truth in his words “I know it is. Trust me. That is why I’m trying to save you from this chaos that you bring upon yourself. But only you can allow that to happen.” My eyes widened in disbelief, taken aback by the words that he had spoken. And at that very moment, I couldn’t contain the realization and anguish as I clenched my hands into fists I let out a heart felt scream as I fell onto my knees. Wrapping my arms around myself in order to comfort my own well being, I then fell over onto my side. He watched me sob, hearing the depth of my heart ache and suffering in my cries.”Let it consume you, my dear, embrace it, for that is the only way you will be able to move forward in this.” I could feel every single emotion that had been locked away wash over me, almost unbearable, I glanced up towards the now dimly lit sky, entranced, I could feel my body tremble as his words echoed in my ears. It seemed like the torment would never end, but just as it had started, I let every single sensation flood my mind, body and soul. I unclenched my fists, as I gasped for air, attempting to slow my breathing. I could feel my body begin to go weightless as the reality of the agony in my heart began to fade. The single last tear slowly trickled down my right cheek, and a sigh of relief escaped my lips all the while a smile slowly appeared on my face. I knew then what had to be done.