Are you sure?

Our friendship has been a roller coaster for sure. He’s probably one of the most likable guys I know, unless you know him. With that it’s a continuous conversation piece always ending in the same way... “he great and so much fun, but... It’s at that point you realize that is the exact same thing everyone that knows him says. You can never seem to just put your finger on it, but you know it’s there. Somethings off, somehow, but what exactly is it.

I’ve been riding with the radio blasting, singing as loud as I can, he has all my favorites, like my own personal playlist on his phone. He knows it, cause he turns it on when he picks me up. Everyday. It’s definitely the most committed-noncommitted relationship I’ve never been in. Sounds crazy I know, but reality always is, right? We are just getting over a situation that stopped all communication between us for a little over a month. Yet I can’t help but wonder, if he meant all the things he said the last time we spoke. They were such angry, hurtful words, deep cutting. I actually cried. Why would my best friend say such a paragraph of words that make me question the last year of our friendship. So I’m gonna play along and see if he is a friend or just an opportunity seeking individual. I hope I don’t regret it, my gut says, girl why are you entertaining this...

During the next few weeks, he is my only friend again. Daily checking on me. Going out of his way to help me while my car is being worked on. I can’t believe we ever argued like we did. I love him and I don’t care who likes it or don’t. Then it happens... exactly what I hoped wouldn’t. So we enjoy going gambling together, well at the same time. There’s no judgement and it’s our thing I guess. Now usually I would have a couple hundred dollars to go on but not this time, I’m convinced if I am meant to win I will and if a single Bill doesn’t get me there then to bad, I’m done. So I ask for the keys to wait in the car so I’m not a bother to him. Not a big deal, a couple hours later he comes out and gets in, first words are you didn’t go through anything or take anything did you? Instantly offended I say, “wow bet you wouldn’t ask so-n-so that” and to my surprise he says “well I’ve known her for x-number of years.” Like dude get me home now. I seriously have to be in the car for 2 hrs with you now. WTH would make him say some craziness like that to me... when he knows I’ve never and wouldn’t, that’s an open invitation to hurting my own feelings and not to mention, we are not and have not been a couple ever. I was so shocked and so upset, heart-hurt again by him. Why would he say that to me and why would he be around me if this is his thought process when I am around? I don’t understand and I hope I never do. Once again we are not talking and this time I don’t care to ever. So my question is this... why would someone who thinks, obviously so little of me, for reasons I really can’t pinpoint, continue to again and again pop back into my life and want to be friends? If you don’t really believe I’m friend worthy, what are you hoping to achieve by continuing to be my “friend”? Why would you be around someone that you have no trust in? When did this type of friendship become acceptable? Well, it’s not acceptable to me. I’m not going to accept low-key in my face insults for no justifiable reason. No one should.

So I said all that to say this, when you are trying to figure out someone else’s mindset to try and justify why they treat you a certain way... run away from them. It’s not your job to lower your standard of acceptance and be mentally torn over a person that has no respect for you. Plain and simple, they’re treating you this way because that’s how they see you, talk about you to others and it’s the type of friend they are probably being to you. Period