Are you good at chatting?

When others praised myself for "talking", I should be more or less excited about it, and I am often the one who is praised.

But as I get older, the more things I have seen and encountered, the more I doubt it and raise a big question mark.

Good chat?

I have met someone who thinks he is "good at chatting", but he just likes to talk about his own affairs and is indifferent to other people's words. This is not a chat, but a speech. You just want others to listen to you!

With this kind of "chat", you will find that the more you chat, the less friends you have. Your friend is impatient to talk to you and can only respond:

"You can talk very much!"

This is definitely a perfunctory word to end the conversation, the body and eyes have slowly moved away.

Multiplayer occasions

If the chat in a multi-person gathering can be cut in at the right time to bring about interesting interactions, but not to grab the limelight, only to answer the conversation at the right time, so that other people can also play, the scene will not be cold when you are there, such a person is in The group will be the most popular.

If a colleague praises you for being able to "chat" at this time, it is definitely a compliment.

Two person occasion

When two people are chatting, you try to cut into different topics often, enough to give your friends a lot of space to speak, listen and respond attentively, and bring a little humor, so that you can cover everything.

But if you can't help it, your topic just won't attract his interest. Although the whole scene has been taken care of, it's mentally different. "You can really talk"! I gave this sentence a compliment, but it was a touch of melancholy. The actual meaning was "You can talk very well, but why do you think it's boring to talk to you!"

Kind words

The polite words in the other party's various psychological states:

The following kind words are used in places with higher literacy levels. On the contrary, in the land of grassy rivers and lakes, such false words rarely happen. If you don't like it, you don't like it, and kind words don't often appear.

"You can really talk!"

In my heart: "But I really don't want to consume you now, I can't finish my work!"

"You can really talk!"

In my heart: "I'm in a bad mood, I'm really too lazy to talk to you!"

"You can really talk!"

In my heart: "This topic is so boring to me!"

"You can really talk!"

In my heart: "I can't bear complaining or negative topics all the time!"

"You can really talk!"

In my heart: "I don't like you as a person, I feel boring what you say!"

"You can really talk!"

In my heart: "Can't you just be quiet? You have to talk all the time!"

At this time, your antenna tentacles should perform more functions. Usually when the other party does not want to talk, there will be some clues (the other party's limbs, eyes, movements, etc.). At this time, you are still holding someone to chat with you, and you are waiting to be disliked Bar!

In this way, how do I know if the other party likes to chat with me? Do you really praise me for talking? Still sarcastic my kind words?

My experience is to "observe for a long time," and I cannot judge from one sentence.

Whether a friend or colleague can be judged from it? It lies in the friendship with him, that is, the exchange of spiritual value.

for example:

"Do you think this bento is delicious?"

"It's not tasty, I hate having three-color beans!"

"You don't like to eat three-color beans!"

"Yeah! It's so annoying, I won't order this lunch next time..."

The above is just an ordinary conversation, there is no heart-to-heart communication and interaction.

"Do you think this lunch is delicious?"

"It's not tasty, I hate having three-color beans!"

"You don't like to eat three-color beans!"

"Yeah! I told you that once I went to Grandma's house and was beaten by my dad for not eating three-colored beans! Do you like it?"

"I just don't hate it. I can't say I love it. By the way, I know there is a super delicious fast food. How about going after get off work?"

The above is an example of the "most basic" spiritual communication, because there are motivations and experiences that express the inner desire to connect with you. If you have a conversation with each other, you will understand each other better. Such a chat is meaningful.

If such a friend praises you for chatting, of course you can know if he is sincere.

Cruel workplace

Why do workplace scholars say "Workplace is not a place to make friends!"

Because the workplace is a place where there is a mixture of interests, you will be very constrained to do things if the other party knows the details in order to make friends, and you will not be able to maintain a safe distance, which greatly affects your work efficiency.

But we can't go against our own personality, and if we have any regrets in the future because we reveal our nature, we can't blame others. Of course, it is also possible to make friends for a lifetime in the workplace, but it depends on your values.

Concluding remarks

Back to the beginning:

"My colleague, I praised me for being able to "talk awkwardly" ~ I wonder if it is a compliment or a derogation? "

Personally, if I encounter such a situation, I should:

Reflect on the relationship between the friend who said this sentence and me, and judge whether he has other meanings.

Think about my awkward chatting on occasions where he praised him, and whether there is anything worth reviewing.

During the review process, I am too overwhelmed and amended, if my words may hurt people, I will apologize, if I am too self-explanatory, I will reflect on myself, or if I don’t understand enough, I will think about the next improvement, and if the knowledge topic is not deep enough, I will strengthen reading and absorption, etc. Wait.

One day you will have no doubt that "I" can talk awkwardly, and it is definitely the compliment of the other party!