An Open Letter: To Those Who Are (Often Insensitively) Triggered By Others Grief

To those who find themselves unsettled or uncomfortable when someone expresses grief:

I understand that witnessing pain—especially raw, vulnerable grief—

can stir difficult feelings inside.

Sometimes it’s confusion, anxiety, or even fear.

But please know this: grief is not meant to harm you or make you uncomfortable. It is a deeply human experience—a natural response to loss and love. It is messy, uncomfortable, destructive, but unavoidable if you have a heart, mind, and soul.

When someone shares their sorrow, they are not asking you to fix it or to judge it. They are simply asking for a space to be real, to be seen, and to be heard. They are not trying to upset or trigger anyone. It may be a circumstance they’ve never had to endure before and don’t know how to navigate. It can be truly terrifying. Some people are utterly helpless and alone on their path. They will often understand your pain as well and empathize—and most certainly, they would not wish you, nor even their worst enemy, to feel their pain. Particularly in losses such as the devastating and tragic loss of a child, in any circumstance.It cannot be put into words or truly understood—even if you walk in those shoes. That is a broken heart more than any other you can possibly imagine. I hope you never have to experience it.

Yet sadly, fate chooses how and when it will strike.

If grief triggers you, take a moment to ask why. Is it your own past wounds resurfacing? Or perhaps a discomfort with vulnerability or sadness? Whatever the cause, the solution isn’t to shut down or dismiss the grief of others.

I am so sorry for your experience, pain, trauma, and the cards that you may have been dealt. Pain is unpleasant, unpredictable, and unavoidable in this earthly life.

I send you thoughts of love and prayers. My own broken heart is already with you. 💕

Empathy does not mean you have to carry the pain for them—it means you acknowledge their pain without being judgmental. It means allowing yourself to be present, even when it’s uncomfortable—even from a distance.

It can be anything from a heart emoji or meme sent in a text, an offer to pick up some groceries, particularly if they have pets or children to care for. Be mindful. Someone who is grieving will still likely need—and would absolutely love and appreciate—any offer of support, even months later.

I myself can attest that it is a stifling struggle to take care of oneself for a very long time. To eat properly—or even remember to eat at all. To bathe, and so forth.

Grief is a lifelong process, and one needs support and someone to lean on for longer than just the first few weeks after a loss. That short window is usually when most people stop asking or saying the usual: “Call me anytime,” “Let’s get a coffee and chat,” or “Whatever you need, just ask.”

The reality is, most people never really mean it.

Sure, they will if you do ask them to pick something up or meet for coffee. But the truth is, someone in bereavement is quite unlikely to reach out.

You need to reach out to them. It would mean a lot. And remember—they respect your kindness, and your limitations.

Even if their grief is triggering to your own trauma, pain, or mental health, it’s okay to tell them, “I send you love and good vibes, but I need space for my own well-being.”

When you respond with indifference, sarcasm, or avoidance, the grieving feel more isolated and misunderstood. Your discomfort—when expressed insensitively—can deepen their hurt.

If you feel triggered by someone’s grief...

Take a moment to ask yourself .. why …

Grief—and all its effects of ugliness, repetition, discomfort—is not a threat, an annoyance, or an inconvenience.

It is a testament to love and loss.

Treat it with the respect it deserves.

Sadly, sooner or later, it could be you in that unwanted position—with a devastated and broken heart, facing a tragedy, a life turned upside down—left with no choice but to somehow learn to accept, navigate, and adapt to new paths you never thought would be part of your journey.

So, I pray you understand. And I pray that if you are faced with the unexpected pain of grief, that others will give you the consideration, kindness, compassion, space, strength, prayer, love, and even silence that you wish for.

These things are deeply necessary—and deserved.

I hope you may gain a little more insight and softness in the meantime to respect and honour the pain of others.

Sincerely,

Someone with a broken heart,

that wishes they didn’t have to carry it ,

but hopes for more compassion in this world. ♥️