An Open Letter to the Person who let me Make Questionable Fashion Choices (but really believed I could rock them)

To my best friend—

When prompted to consider the strongest woman that I knew, my mind flashed through the exuberant list of options. Do I write about an unknown, anonymous woman that is code for “all women”? Or do I write about the obvious— there is, of course, Michelle Obama, Greta Thunberg, Simone Biles… The number of women, whether anonymous or easily identified, who inspire me and continue to make an everlasting impression on the women of today, tomorrow, and yesterday is awestruckingly beautiful and diverse. However, when I considered what I would write in a letter to them, the words did not feel effortless. I found myself staring at the predictive text options, hoping I would find a word that fit well and completed my sentence in a way that was at least equally as inspiring as the women I wanted to write about. However, the truth is— nobody completes my sentences as well as you do. And in full transparency, rarely does anybody inspire me the way you do. You might not be Michelle Obama, but here’s a list of reasons why you are the most tenacious, wholeheartedly irresistible person I know.

1. You hold my hand (and my hair) when things are toughest.

In a particularly difficult, and awkward time in my life, that was filled with repugnantly deep side parts and those uncomfortable high-low skirts that we for whatever reason pretended were fashionable back in 2012, you were there. And honestly, I could thank you, commend you, and name you the Strongest Person Ever ™ just for dealing with the awful fashion choices we all made back in middle school, but for the purpose of this piece, I’ll get a little more sentimental than that. Amidst the embarrassing sneaker-wedges, braces, and the general uncomfortable aura of being a pre-teen, it’s easy to get lost in the awful parts of growing up. I imagine that without you, growing up would have been way worse and I would have picked worse colors for the elastic bands on my braces. But thanks to you, I never had to get bright-green bands stretched across my teeth and I also never had to press send on the “I like you” text that you drafted for the millions of crushes that I had. I also never had to face anything alone. Feeling alone as a child is terrifying, but inevitable. If I had been told that childhood would have felt so lonely and dark, I probably would have wanted to jump to being a 22 year old even faster than I had hoped for. As inevitable as loneliness in childhood is, it is never promised that your best friend will look at the treacherous waters in the pool of loneliness, and dive headfirst into them. For that— I believe that you are one of the bravest people I know. It’s a lot to open someone’s closet full of skeletons (and those aforementioned high-low skirts) and say “wanna match?” But you did it. You put on every pair of shoes that I had to offer and walked more than a mile in them. You ran the whole damn marathon. I could never thank you enough for holding my hand in the back of every uncomfortable car ride, squeezing it to reassure me that the end of all-things-awful would come soon, and that it wouldn’t always be this bad. Oh— and you’re also brave for holding my hair back when I threw up approximately 10lbs of cotton candy. I can’t name a lot of people who are strong enough to do that.

2. You are unapologetically, and authentically both you and me at the same time.

There were a lot of times in my life where being myself was hard. It was never hard with you. You were the one person that I felt like I could be myself around (sorry for the cliché). Whether that included better understanding my sexuality, or accidentally peeing in the hallway outside of my parents’ room at 2AM because they were asleep and we couldn’t stop ourselves from laughing so hard. In the harsh, blinding sunlight that was the reality of losing myself, and then finding her again, you were the one passing me the sunglasses. I can’t imagine dealing with me was ever easy (sorry), and I am eternally grateful that most days, you were able to be strong enough for the both of us, and to express it openly and with an ease I will always admire.

3. You love Harry Styles as much as me.

Unfortunately, I can’t let you have all of the credit for this one. Part of the credit goes to Harry Styles and his consistency to always be sexy.

4. You are sincere and kind to everyone.

I believe that almost everyone has compassion within them and I always hope that compassion and kindness will win over any hate and anger within people. I know this isn’t true. I know this isn’t true because like most people, I have let anger win over the compassion that I so commonly seek out. You don’t. When the world is cruel to you, you look back at it with a contagious smile, and offer it the seat beside you. That is a strength that I doubt even the Incredible Hulk has.

5. You love your family.

Let’s face it. Everybody knows that their family is crazy and messed up and has more problems than a 200 question math test. Most of the time, you hear about someone’s crazy step-mom or their cousin that’s been arrested 5 times in 7 different countries. Once in a while, you might hear about an aunt that had a baby and how it’s the sweetest thing in the world, but eventually, I guess the novelty wears off and people stop talking about how cute the baby is because they realize it cries and poops and it was only cute for like… one babysitting session. You, however, talk about your family with a light in your eyes that warms my heart and probably anybody else’s who is within a 100 mile radius of the conversation. Your light is that infectious and it never goes out. Hearing you talk about your love for your mom and your brother and the traditions that you’ve created and celebrate is an untouched haven that nobody will ever be able to replicate or take away from you. That is intoxicating and lovely and I love you for it.

6. You love the things I love.

Okay, yeah, I already mentioned Harry Styles. Harry Styles, however, is someone that I’m convinced is universally loved and obsessed over. When I say that you love the things I love, what I really mean is that you love the things that I love, even if they have absolutely no significance to you. You are the only person that I know who could sit and listen to me talk about a book until my mouth is sore and my tongue is bleeding, or sit through 200 hours of new Taylor Swift content. You are loyal to me and the things I love in a way that is unimaginable. I truly doubt there is a single person in the world who is capable of loving something they know nothing about more than you. Thank you for caring about my interests and thank you for not rolling your eyes when I insist you read Little Women even though you hate reading and truthfully, the book is kind of boring (especially because Timothée Chalamet isn’t actually in it).

7. You support me.

This one is no surprise, and honestly, anyone who has a best friend (hopefully) relates. However, I know that supporting me isn’t always easy. The actions that come with supporting me are ones that require stepping back, while also being completely committed and by my side through the entire thing. There is nobody who has mastered this quite like you have. I realize that receiving a text at midnight on a Thursday that says “come over and bake cookies with me,” may be deceiving— especially when I don’t actually want you to have any involvement in making the cookies, but rather, just sit there and watch me make the cookies. You have done this throughout our entire relationship, without a single complaint. This is because I am stubborn and a control-freak. Your easy-going attitude and perseverance when it comes to me is phenomenal and admirable. Your support goes further than moral-support in the kitchen when I’m struggling over 6 different sized pots, a mixer that is rattling around on the counter, and a microwave that has been beeping for 10 minutes and yet I completely refuse any help that you offer. Your unlimited support for me manifests in more ways than I can count— hyping up a dress I made, honoring my interests, and never (ever) doubting me or saying the word “can’t.”

Although this list may not be composed of nobel-prizes and ridiculously high-honor awards, it is composed with pieces of a person that I love unconditionally and inexpressibly. Within it, are pieces of my past, present, and future. Without you, my best friend, I would not be the person I am today. You have been a fundamental piece of my becoming, and nothing in the world could ever begin to honor or commend you for that. There are not enough roses and gold medals and beautiful literature that could ever come close to being half of what you deserve. So here’s to you, my best friend, who finishes my sentences better than any predictive text ever could.

(P.S. the meals you make me are better than any that you have ever been forced to watch me make).

(P.P.S. What are you doing tomorrow night?)