An existence that yearns to be named

I am heaven and I am haven, I am paradise and I am hell, I am beauty and I am the beast, I am all and yet I am none, I am human and yet I am no one.

Time is the best healer, it saves you and it savours you, it indulges you and yet it insinuates you into the person you are meant to become. It transforms you into the individual that your destiny has fated upon you, to fulfil the purpose you meant to be served. I wish we as humans could fathom our insignificance in the impermanence of time and yet hold on to the significance we behold as unique individuals, attempting to fathom our reality and forging our unique existential being as we stride on this gift called life. The journey we walk on, the truth be told whether we survive or thrive, have it in abundance or live in deficit, live it through with joy or wallow through it in our pity, it all lies in our hands. As haunting as the realization is, it is also incredibly freeing to know that all that we want we can have, only if we believe that we are worthy of it all. The desires we yearn for, the lifestyle we want to live, it all starts in our mind.

I understand why we as individuals falter to believe we are worthy or capable of everything we yearn for. For the abundance, for the life we want, it is because we are conditioned to play ourselves small, to shrink ourselves to be digestible, to be reckoned and predictable to the world around us, to conform to what society has laid for us and follow what is deemed out of us. It is uncomfortable and unacceptable for people to see the ones who grew up in the same environment and situations as they grow into the ones they want to be. Because when you work on your dreams and become the one you yearn for from the same dwelling and they don't, the only thing they can do is blame themselves. Rather than questioning the root of their sense of jealousy and insecurity, they project their hatred and unfulfillment on you. But you have to remember it is not on you, it is on them. Whenever they wish you hell or say something bad about you, I hope you don't engage with them and wish them healing

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Everything we want is on the other side of the things we are unable to let go of. The anger, the pain, the trauma, the outdated beliefs, the outgrown friends, the unaccepting family members, the limiting beliefs that we hold and the ways we sabotage ourselves. You have to lose the things you thought you needed but are no longer serving you to be in reality with the things, people and events that you are meant to have. The beauty of life believes to be in letting go of the illusion of control, the truth is we cannot control what we think we are in control of. It is the belief that we can be the controller of everything, and that is where our anxiety and overthinking stem from. There is power in believing that everything that is meant for you will reach you at its divine timing and nothing that is meant for you will ever be a part of your life no matter how much you try or worry about it incessantly. While it is important to take action, it is even more essential to let go of the desperation for it to happen.

The notion of what you want already wants you is as true as you make it to be. It is easy to blame your circumstances, other people, past trauma and your miseries to be the reason for your blasphemous stance of being but it is displeasing to recognise that the only person responsible for your unhappiness is you. I know it stings to have a bad childhood or to be through something that was not your fault in the first place, the pain that was inflicted on you was not your fault but healing your scars is your responsibility. As long as you choose to see your life through the adversities and the bitterness it holds, the abundance you so eagerly crave will never place its footsteps in your life. I hope you chose to heal, I hope you chose to see yourself through the person you are and not the one you were conditioned to be.

I hope you choose to live and in all of this, I hope you choose you!