An Abundance of Bunnies

I wiped the sweat off my forehead for the eight time in a minute. I wondered if anyone noticed how uncomfortable I was. I shifted in my seat.

“When the chatter of the mind comes to play,” he paused. “And it will… observe the thoughts as if they were clouds in the sky.”

Dammit, he knows I’m not focused. Oh God, he’s looking at me.

I closed my eyes tightly. Another sweat droplet made its way ever-so-slowly down my forehead. The silent tickling was unbearable. I moved quickly and wiped it away, still keeping my eyes exaggeratedly shut. We had been sitting in a circle for over an hour. The sun was high in the sky. The trees were colossal, stretching far off into the sky’s distance, some even reaching no end. They spread in a majestic pattern around the forest. Today’s ‘mindful intention meditation’ was taking place in the center of the forest. We were awoken at sunrise, like we had been every morning, and instructed to pack a ‘goodie bag’ with water, fruits and nuts, first aid materials, a warm jumper for the evening and a personal item of our choice. We were all feeling good upon awakening, no doubt as a result of the success from yesterday’s mindful intention meditation near the waterfalls. Each one of us within the group had a turn to relay a personal trauma where the rest of us sat silently, holding space for the person to express, release and heal. After all nine of us had spoken, guided by the wisdom and compassion of our mentor (or Shaman in more accurate terms), Hugo, we did the ‘Heart Hug’ exercise where we hugged each other for however long felt comfortable, sending unconditional love, forgiveness and support to the other person, while simultaneously practicing the art of receiving the same energy. We all felt revitalized and after the meditation, we splashed in the water from the utopian waterfalls that surrounded us, playing, laughing and forming bonds that would echo throughout eternity. We woke up feeling refreshed and ready for the day, unaware of the mountains we were destined to climb, metaphorically and literally. The people I had called my friends yesterday were the very same people that were beginning to push my buttons and I was aware of all of it. Hugo explained calmly that as of that moment and until sunset there was to be no talking. No sounds, gesturing or miming. Our only form of communication was feeling. We had been passively aggressively arguing from the moment we left the retreat house until now, sitting in a circle, under the blazing sun, practicing something Hugo calls Silent Reminiscence where we simply sit and be in silence. My backside was starting to feel numb after sitting for so long on the grassy ground. I shifted again, careful not to conjure any attention. I opened one of my eyes. Hugo, barefoot, in navy blue shorts sat in the middle of the circle. He breathed in deeply.

“In your mind’s eye, visualize an open meadow.” His voice was soothing in contrast to the thoughts in my mind only I could hear. Immediately I saw it. The meadow. The lime green grass spread across the horizon in my imagination. Orange, purple and yellow flowers began popping up one at a time, one more beautiful than the other.

“There’s a door. Can you see it?”

Well, that’s rhetorical considering we are not allowed to answer, I thought.

No. Focus. Meadow. Door.

The meadow came back, more vivid than before. There the door stood. In the middle of the grass. It was dark wood and actually quite old-looking.

“Notice how the door makes you feel.” This time his voice joined my imagination. The door made me feel… nostalgic.

“Notice how far the door is away from you.”

It was maybe a few meters away.

It sounded like Hugo’s voice was no longer coming from the center of the circle but from inside my mind. My body was completely relaxed, my breathing was rhythmic and the chirping birds in the forest we sat in were the same chirping birds in the meadow in my mind.

“Walk toward the door. One, step, at, a, time. Behind this door someone will be waiting for you. A being. An animal.”

Animal? No. Focus.

I walked toward the door. It got larger every step I took.

“Place your hand on the door knob.”

I did.

“Feel the being behind the door. Feel its energy. A being in the Animal Kingdom is waiting for you on the other side of that door. A bird, a fish, an insect… All species are present, and yet one is waiting for you. It’s calling you to open the door for them. They are ready to see you. Just as ready as you are. They have been waiting for this as much as you have.”

My hand began shaking, even in my imagination.

“Now open the door.”

I pulled the door open. It opened with ease. Out hopped a brown and white rabbit. It was petite but powerful and it hopped right through the door passed me. I looked back at the door. Another bunny jumped out. And another. Tens of bunnies were hopping out of the door, one cuter and wiser than the other. Black, white and brown rabbits hopping along one another, filling the meadow around me. I felt serene and excited. I wanted to hug them and hold them but they moved with absolute purpose.

“Friends, meet your Spirit Animal”.

***

The second last day of our retreat proved to be the most magical. It was exactly one week after our Spirit Animal Meditation and the nine of us, and Hugo, were feeling detoxed, healthy, fulfilled and on purpose. Today was a ‘free day’ as Hugo would say. We were encouraged to tour the town as we saw fit and meet back at the retreat house by sunset where we gathered for our evening intentions. We engaged in a full and nutritional breakfast out in the retreat house garden along with strawberries and other scrumptious fruits, pancakes and honey, orange juice and fresh coffee and sweet treats for the cherry on top. Ricky and I had connected from day one. He was about 7 years younger than me and I saw him like the younger cousins I had. We found the same things funny and sealed our friendship when we teamed up together for the day we kayaked along the Cañete River. He was a young boy with wild dreams, too progressive for his time.

“I saw an ice cream parlor when we first arrived when I went into town to buy supplies. It was somewhere around… here.” He pointed to a spot on the town map we got given in the morning.

“Wanna go for a walk and grab some ice cream?”

“Sure!”

We walked for forty-five minutes chatting about the sun and the last 13 days. We laughed and greeted smiling locals as they passed by.

“Hey, I never asked you,” Ricky said, “What was your spirit animal?”

“Oh,” I felt slightly foolish. I don’t think I did it correctly.”

He laughed. “What? You can’t not do it correctly. What animal came to you?”

“Well,” I hesitated. “A bunny. Well, bunnies. Many rabbits just jumped right out of the door. They filled up the meadow. They formed a circle around me and one bunny hopped right up to me. It was white and brown. It looked at me, like it wanted to say something. It looked down and in front of it was a small rock. It put its little pink nose to it. I picked it up and engraved in the center was an image of a gold leaf.”

Ricky was silent.

“You see?” I asked hopefully. “I did it wrong…”

“Wow girl! You did so not do it wrong. That’s incredible. Powerful animal with a powerful medicine.”

I looked at him with gratitude.

“Yeah, I see it now.” He smiled and squeezed my cheek. You’re a cutie!”

“What was yours?” I asked intrigued.

“A dragonfly.”

A dragonfly?

“That’s amazing!" I said. "So, did, like, lots of little dragonflies fly out at the same time?”

“Well, actually, not quite.” He responded. “I tried to head to the door like Hugo suggested but I couldn’t walk. I just couldn’t get there. Now I know it’s my imagination but something was holding me in place. I looked down and some vine was tied around my ankles.”

We stopped walking, standing near a bench on the sidewalk. I folded my arms.

“And? Where was the door?”

“That’s just the thing. The door was tiny. Just big enough for a four-year-old. It was silver and looked metal and cold. And then I felt something behind me. I turned around and hovering in the air was a giant, prism-colored dragonfly. But I wasn’t scared, considering. In fact, I felt like I knew him. It felt like he was saying something. He didn’t speak but he told me I already knew how to get out of the vine dilemma. His wings were gigantic and breath-takingly beautiful but my feet felt trapped and it made me nervous. I started kicking and fighting and the dragonfly started to disappear. The more I kicked, the more holographic he became. Just before he had disappeared completely, I stopped. All of a sudden, I remembered that haste makes waste. I closed my eyes and, in my stillness, the vines began releasing their grip. When I opened my eyes again, the dragonfly was fully formed flying in front of me once again and the vines at my feet had disappeared.”

“Oh my star! Ricky that’s amazing. What a cool way to figure out it was in you all long.” I nudged his elbow with mine and winked.

“Yeah it was super cool. But you see? You didn’t do anything wrong. We all had our very unique-to-ourselves experience. That’s how it goes. No two experiences are the same. You know, I heard that Kacey saw a leopard printed duck and Justin swears a panda head on a horse’s body was waiting for him behind the door but he was too scared to open it.”

We laughed innocently together and started walking toward the ice-cream shop again.

“I see. But I mean, honestly, I love these retreats and I love travelling and meeting all these incredible people,” I poked his shoulder, “… but spirit animals? I don’t know. Apart of me still thinks it’s just my imagination you know.”

Ricky frowned but said nothing.

After another few minutes, he pointed east and said, “Wayward young princess! For today we feast on the cream of the ice in… that direction.”

I laughed and then something caught my eye. To my left, amongst the hustle and bustle of the town center, on the corner of the peculiar road we were on, stood a Thrift Store. But this was not just any Thrift Store. The sign said “Chelsea’s Charity Store”. But the name did not stop me in my tracks. It was the store logo that consumed all of my attention. It was a gold leaf. Exactly like the one in my meditation visualization.

“Uh, Ricky…”

He stood next to me.

“Follow the Universe’s signs and enter this almost-spooky, filled-with-forgotten-antiques, maybe-we-get-a-bargain thrift store and have the ice cream later?” He asked with a hint of humor.

I didn’t respond and walked straight inside. It was a dainty little store that had a sign that said, “You break it, you buy it.” I moved around the aisles in awe. Every little item was magical. There were glass tea sets and old post cards, troll dolls, yoyos and Gameboys. Pick-up-sticks, grandfather clocks, cuckoo clocks and broken clocks. Old figurines, porcelain dolls and Shakespearean books. I roamed the aisles, creating wonderful stories for each item. I looked up from the Archie Comic book title I was reading and in the corner of the aisle near the end of the store stood a young boy. He had his hand out and it looked as if he were holding something tiny in his palm. I squinted to see the object but couldn’t quite make it out. He looked up straight at me. I was taken aback by the determination in his eyes. He looked certain. He smiled. I smiled back and was about to turn away when he began walking toward me. He was no older than seven. His eyes became bluer the closer he got. His hair was dusty brown and his tanned skin made him seem wise beyond his years. He held out his palm toward me. In his hand was a tiny figure of a brown and white rabbit. It was the smallest artefact I had ever seen. Even in his palm, a child’s palm, the bunny looked minute. With his other hand, he grabbed my right hand and slowly undid my fingers until my hand was also open, palm face up. He then picked up the rabbit with his two tiny fingers and placed the figurine onto my palm. With both his hands, he closed my hand gently and said, “For you.” He smiled again and walked passed me, down the aisle and disappeared into or out of the store. I stood flabbergasted. I opened my palm to investigate this outrageous gift. Indeed, a small rabbit ornament sat in my hand. It was no bigger than a 10p coin, and in fact, could fit on one quite snuggly. I walked to the till. A young lady with a kind smile awaited me.

“How much is this?” I asked politely.

She squinted to look at the fairy-sized rabbit that sat in my palm. She was quiet for a moment and then said, “10 Sol."

I picked out my purse from my shoulder-handbag and gave her the money. She smiled and thanked me for coming in. I thanked her, for having me. I walked out to see Ricky sitting on the pavement licking a large bubblegum ice-cream. In his other hand was a bright pink strawberry ice-cream with red sauce dripping on the sides. I sat down next to him.

“Hey you! I lost you inside there and knew you following a hunch so I decided to take a walk and bring the ice-creams to us.” He said between licks.

“Ah! You are, quite literally, the best!” I side hugged him and took my ice-cream from him. The burst of strawberry flavor that exploded in my mouth reminded me that I enjoy jumping on jumping castles and that one is ever too old to jump on a jumping castle.

“So? Find anything fantastic?”

I looked down at my closed hand. I opened it slowly. Ricky looked too.

“Oh well isn’t that the most adorable thing I have ever seen!” He said sweetly.

“Ricky,” I said slowly, “I think I believe in Spirit Animals.”