All My Exes Hate Me Part 2: The One That Shouldn't Have Gotten Away

What was your biggest takeaway from our time together?

Believe a girl when she says she doesn’t want a relationship.

He was perfect.

He was cute. He worked hard. He was very well endowed 😏

I was so selfish. I didn’t care that I knew he would do anything for me. I didn’t appreciate the love he had to give.

He saw me - the real me - and loved me anyway. And in true Gail fashion, I couldn’t accept it. So I did everything to push him away.

Reaching out to him was scary.

I was blocked. I had to go through WhatsApp to send my message. I was fully prepared to be cursed out.

He was so graceful.

“I know you probably hate me. But I have a really random question for you if you’re open to receiving it.”

“That’d be a long time to hold a grudge against someone.”

And so we went from there.

It was refreshing, it was fun. He made me laugh a lot. We planned to meet up and I couldn’t help but feel butterflies.

I got there first.

I ordered a glass of wine and brought out my laptop. I was so nervous that I started typing anything that came to my mind just so I could do something with my hands.

He walked up and it was like seeing a new person.

The boy I had left behind was now a man standing right in front of me. He had filled out, in such a good way. He approached with confidence and ease. We hugged.

As we sat and caught up, I couldn’t help but to think of the same question I’ve asked myself so many times - What the fuck is wrong with me?

The tension could be cut with a knife. If there was anything we never lacked, it was our desire for each other. And apparently, that never went away.

From the outside looking in - the way we were looking at each other - we might as well have just fucked right there on the table.

But instead, I told the truth. We confronted a lot of pain from both ends.

He told me about myself - I deserved it.

I had hurt him - he didn’t deserve it.

I could tell the love was still there. And I could tell how much he hated it. I hated it too.

Because he would never be able to do it again, as much as he wanted to. As much as I had changed, I would still be the person who he gave everything to, with nothing in return.

I always told him I didn’t want to be in a relationship. But my actions showed otherwise, and that’s where I am at fault.

Words matter. But actions do too. My biggest regret is holding his heart and not being careful with it.

He gave me the love I always needed, I just didn’t know it at the time.

I wish him nothing but the best. I wish I could have met him as the person I am now. I imagine what it would be like.

We would spend our days in bed. Laughing like we used to. We would make love and travel and have fun together. But I can’t live life on shoulda, coulda, woulda.

That’s the thing about unraveling your past and facing your chaos. Some mistakes you learn from. Others you learn to live with.

I can’t rewrite history. But I can tell the stories honestly.

And trust me, there’s still plenty of chaos to unpack.