All I Am

Every day, when you get home from work, you want to be greeted with open arms and a smile.

But how can I do that for you, if I’m busy wrapping my arms around myself in agony? How could I bare to risk unraveling the only things holding me together to make sure your pieces are tightly bound?

I simply cannot. For if I remove my arms from around my abdomen, I fear my own soul will crumble from within me and come pouring onto the cold, tile floor beneath us. You’ll have to do it for me this time. While I waste away in the corner of the darkened room, you’ll have to scoop me into your arms and hold me until my own pieces realign. I cannot rearrange them for you this time. I cannot let go of myself to keep you whole anymore.

The moldable clay within me has deteriorated and is now a watery slime. I can no longer patch the cracks within you, for the parts of me would simply ooze from your wounds now. They would not keep you together anymore than they keep me now. All of me is spilling to my feet and creating a trail following me everywhere I go. It is up to you to mop it up and plug up the cracks within me with your own pieces this time.

On this one occasion, I need your arms around me, darling. I need you to save my mind... to cradle me until I feel okay again. The walls are closing in on me and my world is hurling boulders, while you're away. Just be near me for awhile, so that I can go back to healing you. I know your pieces buckle often, but just this once I need you to help me. Just this once I need to be remade again.

I wish I could promise this would be the first and last time, but I don't think anyone is that strong. I fear I will eventually break down again and become a burden to you for awhile... I cannot keep it from happening altogether, but I will prolong it until the weight crushes my very bones. I could never weigh on you for too long. Just say the word and I will restrict my needs to tend to yours.

Dearest, I fear you don't love me as you once did... maybe that is why this is happening... I can't help but notice your lack of love tormenting every thought I have. From the moment I rise from my slumber to the moment I return to it, I think of you. I pray I am mistaken. I hope you do hold me as close to your heart as you always have and that these thoughts of mine are nothing but silly insecurities.

All I need is for you to lift my broken body and hold me close to yours. Maybe we can heal each other at the same time and be whole together. Maybe... but for now I just need you for a moment. I just need a fraction of what I've given to you... just a morsel, I promise. That is all I need to get by. I need you here with me. I need you to hold me like you used to hold me all those years ago.

Mend my soul, my love. Mend it as well and as often as I have mended yours. Keep me going, as I have to you. You are all I have, but this time I must ask you to be all I am.