A Stroll In The Park Caused Me To Find My Happy Place

It all started on a lazy Sunday afternoon. I had just finished teaching a Zoom class to a bunch of teenagers. I decided to go for a walk to reflect on the discussion that ensued in the conversation.

The weather was perfect, the sun was out, the sky was the perfect shade of blue, and I knew I’d have time to think. And a time to get my 10,000 steps per day to win the weekly Fitbit challenge amongst my friend group.

I looked up at the sky and saw a beautiful sunset. It was perfect. I could see the whole horizon, and I heard the wind gently rustling the leaves as I walked through my local park. I felt peace fall upon me. I thought of how different my life would be if I’d grown up in a place where everything was green and beautiful. Lush and simply postcard-perfect. What if, when I was a child, I was able to feel safe, free to explore my community, and loved as I now do.

I felt sad for a little while.

Sad because I began to reminisce about when I was not free to be myself and express who I was the same way as the teenagers from my Zoom discussion. A time when I hid my true self because I thought I was not good enough. I thought I was not beautiful. I thought I was not strong. I thought I was not worthy. I preferred to be seen and not heard. And, I had no voice.

My eyes fell on the horizon. It was now a glowing sunset. The sky and the world were perfect. I felt the peace descend upon me. In my head, I wondered what I’d be doing right now if my family was different, if I had grown up in another place if I could have what I have now.

I remembered what had happened to me when I was a child. The time when I was not truly free to enjoy my life. I felt trapped. I felt ugly. I felt alone. Longing to feel loved and driven to the point of shyness and insecurities.

Though traumatic as my parents' absence from my life at five years old had been, it was not the worst thing that ever happened. Still, the feelings of abandonment have far too long fueled my insecurities. Insecurities that plagued me as a child still lingers in the recesses of my mind. It has left an indelible mark on my life.

But now, it was time to let it go. To move on.

I began to cry. I cried for a long time. I cried for my childhood. I wept for my family; my mother, my father, my sister and my brother. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over my insecurities. I think it’s one of those things that’s easier said than done, but I know that I’m definitely on the right path.

The path of living a life of freedom and not having to hide who I am. A point of healing and of being able to voice my opinion without feeling guilty for it. Or that I am breaking the rules, and with hard work, I am confident I will overcome.

I feel liberated, as though I am seeing the world for the first time. It’s incredible how a stroll down a path of self-discovery and discovering your true self can change your life. It’s a freeing experience. It’s like a new beginning.

And, all of a sudden, I found my happy place.

My happy place is where I feel most contented, comfortable, and fulfilled. To be able to live a life free of restraints, to be able to stand up for what I believe in, to be able to speak my mind. To be honest and live a life free of fear and uncertainty.

It’s amazing what a little bit of courage can do!