Excerpts From My Journal

My husband and I recently had the opportunity of speaking to a group of young adults about marriage. At some point during the forum, someone asked a question about love languages.

Although I had some awareness of the topic, I had never deep-dived into it, explored it or focused on my own.

As they explained its meaning, for the first time, without a complete understanding of the subject, I verbalized what matters to me the most in my relationship(s)-marital, family, friends, and acquaintances.

Deciding intentionally to love and discover me every day made me acutely aware and attentive to daily triggers. It forces me to pay attention to social cues, which causes me to tap into my thoughts while listening intently to others. It also causes me to have a heightened consciousness for my journey of intentional self-love and self-care.

As I participated in the discussion, I was in my thoughts. I understood at that moment the value I placed on others for spending time with me and why it matters to me — with the TV off, knife and fork down, and all chores and tasks on pause — it makes me feel exceptional and loved, and I am appreciative for it.

Interruptions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be exceedingly hurtful.

Whether it is spending uninterrupted time talking with someone else, going for a walk in the park, having breakfast on a Saturday morning at the quaintest café, or doing other activities together intensifies my connection.

My primary love language is quality time.

I spent the next couple of days exploring my thoughts, trying my best to understand when quality time became so important.

My journey of loving and discovering myself every day takes me back into the recesses of my memory, to a place-in-time that led me to value the little things, to appreciate other people’s time and to revel in quality time.

The journey of personal love and discovery sometimes takes me back to a moment, to my childhood.

At six weeks old, I had symptoms of runny nose, fever, high pitched cough, vomiting, and was subsequently diagnosed with Whooping Cough (Pertussis).

According to Mayo Clinic, whooping cough is a highly contagious respiratory tract infection that primarily affects infants. Though deaths are rare, they commonly occur in infants.

I honor the doctor and nurses at the hospital that spent countless quality time tending to me. Specialists who treated me like their own child and went above and beyond the call of duty. Men and women who nurtured me to life.

I put myself in my parent’s shoes, and I imagine it was extremely difficult for them. To see IV tubes strung from my head, hands, and feet and multiple pieces of equipment to assist with my breathing.

Whenever I speak with my mom about it, she chokes up and can not express her feelings. At that time, she had one other sick minor child at home and was juggling between work, hospital, and home. She remains grateful that she worked at the hospital to visit with me during her breaks.

I spent roughly two years in hospital, fighting for my life.

A love letter to my younger self would read:

Dear baby Janice,

Go through this fight of your life at this tender age because this will be the last time you will ever spend in the hospital for a critical illness until you are much older, if at all.

You will chuckle because you will immediately put your hands into your pockets whenever you go back into a hospital room. Nor will you sit for fear of getting too comfortable — a refusal to sit because you decided never again to return for any length to the hospital for any critical illness.

Yes, the hospital chaplain gives you last rites, but you will pull through. This prayer will sustain you: because it is the prayer of faith meant to save the sick, and you will get better.

God knows the plans He has for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Life is meaningful because of hope. You will have insecurities about the scars; use them as a daily reminder that where there is life, there is hope.

You are an overcomer and will survive this battle. As the saying goes, what does not kill you, makes you stronger, and one day your body will undoubtedly be healthier and stronger despite the infection and trauma.

The time away from mom and dad fosters your ability to value your alone time. That alone time is a lesson on resilience. To serve as a reminder that your human spirit can recover from setbacks, adapt well to change and adversities quickly.

While you may not understand all the trauma your body is going through right now or even if it will have lasting effects, know it is necessary to keep you alive. Alive to become a Pastor’s wife and mother of two young adults.

Alive to explore many countries including France, Italy, Austria, Netherlands, Switzerland, Monaco, England, Belgium, Germany, Liechtenstein, Egypt, United States of America, Canada, Aruba, Guyana, Bahamas, Dominican Republic, and Curacao.

These formative years will evoke in your subconscious a desire to spend quality time with people that matters the most to you.

Whether you feel equipped mentally, emotionally, or physically, walk by faith and not by sight. The battle is not for the swift, not the strong; it is for those who endure to the end.

You will have an unimaginable appreciation for life itself and will love spending quality time with your loved ones.

The older you get, the more the thirst for life will grow within you. It is the thirst for which you will be intentionally and eternally grateful.

Thank you for enduring; your endurance taught me what it truly means to be a fighter.

I love you.

You older-self

Janice

I have little memory of the ordeal; I can not help but wonder if there is a correlation between being in the hospital during my formative years and my primary love language (quality time).

Regardless, I am forever grateful for life itself.

Many may not understand the depth of reaching people using the language that best meets their needs. Still, I now know that it is essential for human connection and relationship in which a person, thing, or idea is linked or associated with something else.

On my journey of loving and discovering myself, I found that I am a miracle.

Cheers to the next stop on this journey!