A Special Evening with a Glass of Wine, the Pope, and Blue Cheese Olives.

A Special Evening with Glass of Wine, the Pope,

and

Blue Cheese Olives.

I’ve never been one to believe in blind dates, and yet I put myself out there at a speed dating event. What is speed dating you may ask. It’s where two rows of people face each other, and you literally interview one person and then the next. To say that it’s weird would be putting it mildly, especially when you know right off the back, that there is no match, as in, “How soon will these three minutes pass?” After chatting with ten people, I finally met someone who I found interesting and even cute. We seemed to connect, had a lot in common and at the end of the dating event, we stepped outside of the rules, which were to let the facilitator set up match responses, and exchanged phone numbers directly with each other.

A week later, I was running around the apartment preparing for our first date. We had spoken everyday over the phone and the connection seemed strong enough. If there were any red flags, I chose to ignore them because let’s face it, I had been single long enough and hadn’t dated in half a year.

I had found the perfect ensemble to wear when his first call came. “I’m sorry but I’m running a bit behind, could we make it for 8:30?” “No problem,” I responded, lying through my teeth. I hadn’t eaten since noon and I was starving, but he seemed worth the wait. I decided to pour myself a glass of Merlot, and nibble on some blue cheese stuffed olives and watch the funeral of Pope John Paul II on television.

The mystery date’s second call came at around 8:30. “I’m so sorry, I’m still at the office. I can be there by 9:00, if you still want to go out.” “Oh sure, I’m fine with that, I’ll just call and change our reservations, again.” This time I think he sensed my borderline annoyance with the second delay in our dating debut, because he began to apologize profusely. “I’m so sorry, this isn’t like me. I’m a bit of workaholic and when I start a project, my OCD kicks in and I must finish it, I just must. Oh boy, now you think I ‘m weird, don’t you” I promise I’ll be there by 9:00. Are you sure you’re not upset?” “I’m not upset, but if you want to reschedule, I’m okay with that as well.” “No, no,” he said, I really want to see you. I think we might have something special going on here. See you in half an hour.”

I poured myself another glass of wine and ate a few more of those tasty olives. One hour later, the final call came. “You’re not going to believe this, but I still haven’t left the office.” “Well, I don’t know what to say.” By that time, I didn’t have to say anything, three glasses of wine were ready to speak for me.” “If you don’t want to go out with me, all you have to do is say so. This is now beyond ridiculous and if this is the way our relationship is going to start, maybe we need to cut our losses right here.” There was silence. “Our relationship? We don’t have a relationship; we’re just going out to test the waters. I hope you aren’t this needy in relationships?” “Are you serious?” I asked. “This is the third or fourth time you’ve called this evening to tell me that you’re running late. I’m obviously not a priority at this point, so let’s just forget this and pretend we never even met.” “No, no,” he responded, “I’m leaving right now, walking out the door. I promise.”

There’s only one problem. It’ll take me an hour to get there.” “An hour,” I screamed, “Are you kidding me?” At that very moment, my stomach began to feel a bit queasy, and my forehead began to sweat like I was in a sauna from hell. “Are you still there?” he asked. “Yeah, I’m here. I’m just feeling a little…”

Two hours later, I woke up on the floor, my head laying in a pool of vomit. I realized when I came to, that I had blacked out. In the middle of the disgusting liquid surrounding my head, I observed undigested olives, stuffed with blue cheese. I realized at that point that I had suffered from food poisoning. I managed to drag myself off the floor and onto the couch, where I sat dazed for almost an hour. I had come close to death for sure. I couldn’t even remember when I passed out. I got up went into the kitchen and looked at the jar of olives sitting on the counter. I looked closer and it said, “refrigerate after opening.” Well, I had opened the jar when I first got it, one week prior and set it back on the counter so that botulism could prepare itself to wreak havoc on my body, and hand me one of the worst nights of my life. It never occurred to me that blue cheese at room temperature, could go bad.

The night from hell began with a glass of Merlot, a toast to the Pope, a date that never showed, and an example of what can happen when you don’t read the fine print.