A proposal, a check, and a chance for life

Today was the day it was finally happening and still I wasn’t ready for it. After months of searching, waiting, and hoping all the funds would come through, the day had finally arrived. Of course, I was trapped at the office with last minute requests from the senior vice president and forced to rush out the door. There was no reason for me to take the day off, but it was agonizing to understand the relevance of corporate immediacy when David was in the hospital. David didn’t need me there and the hospital wasn’t allowing visitors until he was moved into the ICU. But, still, I wanted to be able to devote every thought and ounce of positivity towards him as he braved the surgery we had been praying for this past year.

I finally hit send on my email to the executives, exhaled, and put on my white converse shoes. I had every intention of race walking and even running to the hospital. Moving quickly through the crowds on the busy Boston streets after work always gave me a thrill, and tonight I was beyond excited to see David on the other side of his surgery. David had also given me an important task that required my arrival moments before he would be wheeled into the ICU.

I arrived a little disheveled and sweaty, having dodged all the commuters on my way over to Mass General Hospital. I had explained to the nurse prior to the surgery that I needed to hand deliver an item that should be placed directly at David’s bedside before he arrived post surgery. Jenna was a saint and promised me without a doubt that she would make it happen. The hand off occurred seamlessly. Everyone at the hospital had been rooting for David, and Jenna was one of his biggest fans. She kindly let me wait in the room where he would arrive momentarily. All signs had pointed to a successful surgery, but until I saw him I wouldn’t know for sure.

The minutes seemed to drag on and as I waited for David, I stared intently at the beautiful black notebook I had Jenna place at his bedside. Each page of the notebook was dedicated to a friend, colleague or family member who had selflessly donated to David’s Go Fund Me page. We created the Go Fund Me page about a year ago when David got sick and it became clear he needed a kidney transplant. Underneath each name David had written the amount and date of the donation, the positive qualities he saw in each of his donors and a wish of what he wanted to do with them after he received the transplant.

Sarah Hanson, February 2018, $300

My dearest cousin and friend. Warm, thoughtful, activist at heart, and a black diamond skier.

We will crush the powder in Telluride!

Josh Knapp, March 2018, $150

Funny as hell. Will drive to Mexico and back to get you out of a jam!

Just a beer at Maddy’s. That’s all. I just want a beer with Josh at Maddy’s!

It wasn’t enough to reread the Go Fund Me page, David needed to keep the notebook by his side at all times. Plus, his phone had become a source of stress; calls back and forth with the hospital, false hopes about donations and social media apps reminding him of the world he was missing. The little black notebook was his comfort, his love, and his hope for the future. The pages weren’t stagnant. David would add to them after phone calls with his friends and family. He would write in the corners and doodle images that reminded him of those he held so dear: skis, beer, bikes, smiley faces, mountains, and music notes. The pages had become works of art and dedications to each and everyone who donated to his future life. I had a page in there too:

Serena Thompson, February 2018, $500

My silly wonderful independent friend. She can be such a ham, but God do I love her!

A dance party…Serena will bring the music! (**music notes**) (**lady dancing**)

David had shown me the notebook a couple of days prior. He was so proud of it and had asked me to keep it safe while he was in surgery. He specifically stated that he wanted the notebook at his bedside when he woke up. As he had flipped through the pages while showing it to me, he stopped on the last two which included a dedication to an anonymous donor:

Anonymous, March 2018, $20,000

My savior! A wonderful, kind, selfless human being… who I will always love even if I never find them, but I hope I do…

The last final payment I needed to begin a new life!

(***balloons, confetti**)

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It wasn’t how I imagined my life to be, but I know David didn’t imagine that this would be his life either. I was single in my lates 30s and desperately wondering if I would ever find a partner. I felt like a failed actor after years of auditions, with a few small parts here and there, but never actually finding my leading role. At this point, traditional was long gone. I wanted a partner, but I also wanted to retain me; the me I had worked so hard for years to develop.

One emotional day in March 2018, after slogging through a landslide of corporate fire drills, I arrived home exhausted and fell on the couch. As I started to turn on yet another Netflix series (likely, The Crown), I heard a ping on my phone. It was one of my dreaded exes, Tom. Tom and I had dated years ago. It had ended with him telling me that he didn’t know what he wanted and that I deserved to be with someone who did. Tom had an irresistible British accent, impeccable manners and piercing blue eyes.... all of which were beyond painful to say goodbye to when he broke up with me.

I read Tom’s texts, which came in 3 parts:

(1 of 3) Serena, I hope you are doing well. I’ve always thought of you fondly. I am reaching out because I’m in a bit of a difficult situation. My company is under severe duress and I am confident that I will lose my job in the next few months and with that, my work visa.

(2 of 3) I know this is a crazy proposition over text, but I’m going to go for it…. Would you consider marrying me??? We could discuss the terms, of course. And, I would compensate you with a payment of $20,000.

(3 of 3) I don’t expect you to actually have a relationship with me, if that is not what we (you) want. We can just take it day by day. I know this is a lot, but I’m desperate! Please give it some thought, xo Tom.

If I hadn’t already been laying on the couch, I would have flung myself on it in exasperation. The texts came as a piercing blow to an already fragile ego. Was this really how it was supposed to happen for me - a proposal tied to a Green Card and $20,000…...over text message no less??!

Tom was more than tolerable and he was gorgeous, but the idea of an empty proposal made my heart sink. A few tears had started streaming down my face as soon as I remembered that David was still in need of an additional $20,000 on his Go Fund Me page. Maybe this was my chance to help David, get married and perhaps find a new kind of happiness? It wasn’t the ideal combination, but after much consideration, a glass of wine and a long chat with my best friend, I decided to call Tom and set the wheels in motion. If Tom was anything, he was his own person. He would most certainly let 'me be me' in whatever relationship we would develop in our Green Card marriage. And, most importantly, I could help David with a new life.

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After what seemed like an hour, David was finally wheeled into the room. He tried a couple of times before he was able to hold his eyes open. His face was pale and marked by his thick dark eyebrows and patchy grey scruff. To me, he still looked perfect and dashing with his auburn hair askew and his brown eyes peeking through his tired eyelids.

He slowly rolled his head over to the left and caught a glimpse of the black notebook laying on his bedside table. I had adjusted Jenna’s work and tilted the notebook at an angle so the light from the window would illuminate it as the passport to his new life. I could see David starting to smile ever so slightly. He had made it to the other side. The surgery was a success. I smiled back at him and began to motion that we are going dancing as I channeled my best Saturday Night Fever moves.

I could tell that David wanted to hold the notebook, but didn’t have the energy to reach for it. I slowly disco-danced over to the bedside table with a big grin on my face and handed him the notebook. At that moment, I thought about telling David who had given him the last $20,000, but decided to hold back as I watched him open it. He immediately turned to the last two pages and I saw a tear roll down his face. The notebook had given him such comfort for the past year. I then realized that the anonymous donation would continue to give him comfort in his recovery and sustain him for the future. There was magic and hope in those mysterious two pages of David’s little black notebook.