A Price to be Paid

As Kiera sat in the small corner cafe combing through the want ads, she could feel the panic rise in her chest. If she didn’t starve to death, the anxiety would likely kill her. That thought actually manifested a quiet, albeit physical, giggle. This made people look. Look at the strange girl, tears occasionally streaming down her face as she giggled. As if no one had ever seen someone fall apart before. She buried her head back into the paper. The words all became a blur as her thoughts rolled over the events of the recent past. It had all started when Sadie went missing. She had always been an indoor cat, never straying far from the window of their 16th story apartment building. That was over 2 months ago. She stills worries herself sick over what has happened to her closest and most loyal friend. Then a month ago, give or take, she was called into the office of Bill, her supervisor at Applestand Inc., where she worked in the accounting office. She was informed that her performance was no longer acceptable and they would be letting her go. She remembers standing there at a complete loss for words. Her supervisor sat there at his big supervisor desk, looking at her with about as much compassion as a hungry lion has for a gazelle. It was a crap job and she was always looking for a better opportunity, but she had always given this job her best. She wondered if it had anything to do with Larry and his unwanted advances on her. As she exited the office there stood Larry, smirking at her. This just drove that feeling home even more. All this she could bear, but when David, her fiancé of 2 years, just walked away last week, she crumbled.

So here she sat, desperately needing a job and not wanting one. Reading through the want ads without actually reading them. Stacks of resumes were on the table next to her laptop and, now cold, coffee. She realized she had been sitting there for some time when a voice spoke to her. It was a kind voice, soft yet masculine. Like a strong voice that had been tempered by tragedy, life and sorrow. She was in a haze, but that voice seemed to bring her back. She finally came to the surface long enough to make out what he was saying.

“Miss…miss…are you alright? You have been staring at that same page for an hour now.”

She looked up to see bright and vibrant blue eyes looking softly back at her. They were framed by a weathered face that felt warm and kind. He was a thin old man, probably in his 80s. The look of concern he had made her want to weep even more. Slowly he sat down next to her. She glanced around the small cafe. The few people who had remained were looking at her with odd glances as they left the establishment. Soon it was just her and the old man, who was still looking at her with such concern. He never touched her, or made any kind of inappropriate comment. He just looked at her. She closed her eyes for a moment, took a deep breath, and opened her eyes to him. He smiled and her spirits were somehow lifted.

“I am alright. It has just been a hard couple of months. Thank you for your concern, but you do not need to dote on me, I will get by.”

With those words, knowing them to be a lie, she burst into a fit of tears. She fell over onto this strangers’ shoulders and wept like she had never wept before. He just stroked her hair and told her it would be alright. That everything would be alright. Once she finally got herself back together, she sat up, wiped her tears away and looked down at her lap, feeling incredibly embarrassed by her action.

“Do not be embarrassed miss. Sometimes we just need another person to hear us. To touch us and remind us we are still among the living. There were times in my life when I wish I had those things. Simple things, like a shoulder to lean on. An ear to listen. Instead, all I had was this.”

He pulled from his coat an old tattered black leather-bound notebook tied shut with a single thong and a pencil tied to it. Something struck her about it. Something drew her eye to it; she could not break her gaze away. She could almost hear it speak. She finally broke away from it and turned her sight to his eyes. They were intensely looking at her. His smile, while still warm and inviting, was also sad.

“I would write things here in my days of solitude and despair. I believed that by simply writing them down, I could manifest them in my life.” His eyes grew suddenly distant and almost hollow. “And I did just that. I just never understood the price until it was too late.” He seemed to drift into a deep thought, but quickly came to. He turned back to her, and offered her the notebook. “I think maybe it is your time to have this.”

Her gaze was once again attracted to the black notebook. She could feel the subtle leather under her fingertips so soft to the touch. She grazed its cover with her fingertips and felt it speak to her. She looked up to say thank you, but the old man was gone. She did not even feel him get up, not hear the door open. She looked back down at the book, then gathered her things and headed back to her apartment. Lying in bed, protected against the cold from her thick down feather comforter, she stroked the black book. Nestling in she decides to open it, excited to see the wisdom that sweet old man had passed down to her. See the reality he manifested and the mistakes he made. Carefully she untied the leather thong and opened it. She was confused, as she leafed through the pages, as there had to be a mistake. But no, there was no mistake, the notebook was completely devoid of a single word. She didn’t even see a pencil mark. How could something this old never have been used? She sunk into bed and just stared, disappointed, at the blank page. She took the pencil and mindlessly wrote, “Sadie, I wish you were here, I could use cuddles..”, then dropped the thong to keep her place and put the book on the nightstand. Without another thought, she fell into a deep sleep.

The next morning, she could feel the sun desperately trying to warm her through the bedroom window. She also felt that comforting feeling of being kneaded awake by Sadie. She was suddenly wide awake. She sat bolt upright, and there, in the middle of her bed, was Sadie looking up at her. She gripped her and held her tight with Sadie meowing constantly. After a few minutes of touching her to make sure she was real, she swung her legs over the side of the bed and was instantly drawn to the book. She picked it up and opened to the page she wrote on last night. Confusion set in again. The page was blank. She looked through the small book but found nothing. Maybe she had just dreamed it all. She dressed and started making her way to the cafe where she would continue job hunting with new fervor and a spring in her step. She orders a cup of coffee from a girl she did not recognize. She could hear the voices of the cafe owner speaking to someone in frantic tones.

“What happened?” She asked the girl at the counter.

“Their young son went missing last night.” Her eyes were very sad, and she kept glancing back to where the voices came from.

Kiera took her cup and made her way to the table where she once again set up her job hunting station. Without thinking she pulled out the black book and opened it to a random page. She took the pencil and started a list of things to do.

1. Make small fortune

2. Get David back

3. Exact revenge on Applestand for firing her

She smiled. It felt good just to write things down, to have goals. She laughed at herself and set to erase the words, but she didn’t get the chance. She watched as the words sunk into the page and vanished. She flipped the pages back and forth, but the words were gone. At that moment a young man in a very nice suit entered. He looked out of place in this bohemian cafe. He looked around as if looking for someone, he spotted her and approached.

“Kiera? Kiera Longstom?”

“Yes?”

“I have been looking for you. I have some papers for you to sign.” Confusion was obvious on her face, but he just smiled and pulled a stack of papers from his attaché case. In a whirlwind of words, he explained her windfall inheritance of twenty thousand dollars from an obscure uncle in Romania. Once the papers were signed, he quickly gathered his things and was gone. She sat dumbfounded at her change of luck. She quietly packed her things and walked in a haze to the apartment. She opened the door, but Sadie was not there to greet her. She started searching the house and found her sitting on David’s lap. Everything in her arms dropped. He stood but could not get a word out before her arms were wrapped around him. Over and over, he professed his sorrow for leaving. Later in bed, laying by a sleeping David with Sadie curled up at her stomach, she could not help to wonder what turned her luck so.

The next morning, she awoke to her phone going crazy. It appears that her old company was under investigation for fraud. The owner of the company however, a kindly older man she had only met once, was completely bankrupt and in destitute. In an interview on line, you could see the remorse on his face for allowing his company to fall into such irresponsible hands. One of the men involved she knew, and was good friends with his wife. She had called in tears that morning and told her how this incident put their marriage in ruins. Noon finally came around and the aftermath was still swirling all around her. She felt the weight of it all and wondered why all this had come to pass. She looked over and saw the book sitting on her table. A voice came to memory. The sad and small voice of an old man.

“I just never understood the price until it was too late.”

She quickly opened the book; it did not matter what page. She simply wrote the words.

“I give all I have to make things right.”

She watched as the letters slowly disappeared. She poured a cup of coffee and sat by the window, tears silently streaming, as she waited for what was to come.