A note to self

More of a leap off of my previous written piece from my experience in university, it was that moment of crossroads where my life has rapidly changed from a scheduled school life to an unregulated university life.

It was the key turnaway in recent years is the new term/s known as the 'pandemic blip' or the 'pandemic skip'. Being part of the cohort of being in the beginning of my early 20s to now experiencing my mid-20s. This is a shared experienced no matter your age, everyone missed out on what could've been the most explosive years of your life.

I'm not alone in my lack of achievements and life experiences. Watching and reading people's experiences makes you feel less isolated. It doesn't help that I'm self-aware of my flaws and the way I interact in the world. Seeking therapy is an expensive option when I barely make enough and don't have the time to even research what's out there.

2022 was that turning point where I came out fresh from 2 years of not living life to suddenly visiting my motherland to starting a full-time job. It's scary to think about the world in its current state when the previous year was filled with small achievements I have reached.

Trip to the motherland

I learned more about myself and my family's history going back to my parent's home country as an adult. The trip back to Vietnam gave me so much time to bond with my family as it was such a rare occasion to spend some time together. We slept in the same room for a portion of the trip and relied on each other a lot more than in Australia.

Seeing the place where they grew up with my own eyes will be unforgettable. Hearing stories of growing up post-war Vietnam and their life, it's hard to visualise it. The history and the memories engraved throughout the trip reminiscing their life and reconnecting with family after not coming back in 20 years. There are cultural differences in lifestyle, comparing a more rural village life to a busy suburban life.

A common question asked was 'Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?' You're more likely to be married and with children by your early 20's in Vietnam. I couldn't imagine having a child in my current circumstances and I happen to be at the age my mum gave birth to me. Times are different these days but I still feel like a child stuck in an adult body...

Following my trip back to the motherland, I ended up dying my hair. My relationship with my hair has always been a safety thing. Being Asian, I will always look younger with my age. My natural hair colour will always play a role in that. I like the way I looked but dyed hair turns you into a different person. Coloured hair adds more 'maturity' to the way I look because being asked if I'm in high school gets a slight bit annoying when I'm trying to prove myself to the world.

You become a different person with coloured hair. It's a physical transformation that allows you to experiment and change up your look. You learn what goes with your new colour and end up wearing either black or white clothes.

The 9-5 grind

I feel scammed in life...It is a learning curve, the transition from doing 0 work to a full-time position is a rough patch. The job search was the hardest before landing my job. There are no entry-level jobs anymore... You need experience to gain experience and guess what you need to have started internships within your second to last year or final year of studies.

Anyway, it was the toughest transition that I have experienced. You realise you have no time to do anything and leave things to backlog until it overflows. Has it led to multiple breakdowns, it sure has especially with the lack of movement involved in an office environment.

It also doesn't help that my job has led me to loathe my creative hobbies. The woes of being a social media girly and not having the time or joy to do my content. I appreciate my time on my own, listening to music and reading a book during my commute.

Having to carefully plan my life and depend on a calendar has been a constant. Scheduling as an adult is an effort. I understand the saying that if you meet someone at least once a year then you're good friends. Everyone has different work schedules and commitments. You struggle to find time because one person has their weeks booked out or someone is out of the country. It makes our meetings more meaningful to catch up on our mundane lives and milestones that have been achieved since we last met.

Living life

You need to experience life to a degree to find your likes and dislikes. From small and drastic life changes, you're meant to go through ups and downs. Was I made to go through these trials and tribulations? I don't know but it has allowed me to reflect on my life.

I have dreams that I want to achieve and things I want to do within the coming year.