A Life Reimagined

As a child, I am driving along with my family on our way to a vacation destination I didn’t know. I had never been here before . . . I was so sure of that. Five brothers and sisters all chatting, fighting or playing car games when suddenly, the road narrows and there is water on both sides of the street. I have been here before. Maybe not during this lifetime, but the familiar feeling of this place lets me know I have indeed been here before. Like visiting a long forgotten place or a memory from another lifetime.

We all pile out of the station wagon when we reach the hotel, but my mind is still on that piece of road several miles back. It was a lonely stretch of road, not often busy, but well-traveled. Green grass that ran from the clear blue water right up to the road. A vague memory of heavy rain when the road would flood and the water would run right up to the tires of the car. And I wish I could remember where and when I knew this from.

Now I glance up at the hotel, an old stone building with ivy growing all over the front of it, blocking several windows, hanging gracefully down toward the street. And again, I have been here before. We enter the door and I know to turn right, away from the dark hall on the left. I don’t like that hall, but can’t remember why. It just brings a feeling of dread. Maybe only a childhood fear of the dark but knowing if I walked down that hall, I would be lost.

The same happens again during a conversation with a teacher, years later, when I realize I have had this conversation before. I don’t know where it will end but I remember hearing these words at a different time. Different people talking to me but the same conversation, nonetheless. Perhaps ending with a different outcome.

Meeting new people who don’t feel like new people. I have met them before, they were friends before or relatives of my distant past. Why are they so familiar? I feel as if I could carry on a lengthy conversation about nothing because I know these people. My emotions run high as my heart beats out of control, trying again to determine if they are part of a previous life or just a time reimagined?

Looking into the eyes of a beloved pet and seeing something else looking back. Is it another pet that has gone before or a loved one returned in a different form? Are those my relatives eyes looking back at me or my imagination running wild looking deep into the black eyes of my favorite dog?

Have I lived this life before and am now reliving it, able to make different choices, determine a different ending or is this only a vivid imagination? How many times will I encounter these feelings of déjà vu before I can determine whether I am reliving something or I had a past life that has intersected this one?