A Hero or a Menace?

Dear Joyce and Eva,

You sly foxes. You sneaky, devious women. You duplicitous tricksters. When I came to Lifted Strong, the organisation you founded to help women with HIV in your hometown, I was looking for a good time. I was looking for an interesting experience, an enjoyable trip, a way to do something useful and perhaps claim back a little bit of my soul that was slowly being sucked out by the corporate world.

I liked that I didn’t have to start until 11 AM. I was happy that I could finish just after lunch and have most of the afternoon free. I was keen on the idea that it was a place for women to hang out with and help other women. Girls just wanna have fun, after all. Little did I know what you would do to me.

I worked harder than I’ve ever worked in my life. I worked morning, afternoon, and night. And worse, I wanted to do it! Even worse than that, I cared about it so deeply! My whole life I have actively and explicitly aimed to leave work at the door and to have as little emotional investment as possible. But you made me care!

I used every skill I possessed and developed the ones that I didn’t. I became a leader, an organiser, a mentor to new arrivals, a mother figure to the volunteer house. I even went on social media for a few weeks. I did not sign up for that!

When I met you both, I was 28. I believed myself to be a strong, confident woman. I thought I knew who I was. I had finished growing and changing. I was already the person I was meant to be, and the person I was going to be for the rest of my life. I was old now and set in my ways. I was at the peak of my evolution. You took those beliefs and you crushed them.

From the minute I stepped through the door at Lifted Strong, I felt your presence and power. I felt enthused, encouraged, stirred. The atmosphere was infectious and inescapable – a place of hope and joy and love that reached into your heart, grabbed hold, and didn’t let go. You trapped me with your love and your support, so welcoming and encouraging from the beginning. You inspired me and helped me to do things I never thought I could do. Who gave you the right to change me?

As a young child I was timid and quiet and afraid to speak. I never talked in class, and was even embarrassed to speak in front of a group of friends or on holidays when extended family came to visit. At Lifted Strong, I stood in front of a room of women and taught English! In a monthly meeting for local volunteers, I stood up and made a presentation! Money was up for grabs and I made a bid for the money to be used in your Mama Kuku programme. And I won! Other volunteers even came to me afterwards and offered money they had raised separately. Did I consent to conquering my ultimate fear of public speaking?

Surprisingly, my connection with you and the Lifted Strong Mamas made me the sort of mother of the volunteer house. I welcomed new arrivals, I showed them around town, I helped them use the daladala, I organised and took them to beading workshops or cooking classes given by the Mamas, I answered their questions, I coordinated the clothes they wanted hand-made by the Mamas, I escorted them to the markets to buy fabric. I was always shy and introverted, never one to take the lead, yet here I was front and centre and steering the way. Did I give you permission to overcome my lifelong aversion to leadership?

By the time I left Lifted Strong, you had well and truly sunk your claws into me. I saw the passion you had for helping others, your aim to improve your community and the lives of those less fortunate, the time and effort you dedicated to your mission. I saw it all and absorbed your inspiration and your enthusiasm. You and the Mamas instilled in me the insidious idea that it is never too late to learn and to change.

And 18 months later, just look at what you’ve made me become. I’ve retrained as an English language teacher to South Korean students and am volunteering to tutor North Korean defectors on the side. Eva. Joyce. Exactly when did I say you could turn my life upside down?!

I’m writing this open letter to warn others of people like you two: caring, generous, compassionate women who will kill you with kindness and encourage you to do things you never thought you could do. They will welcome you in with smiles and support, pretending that they are just there to provide love and hugs.

But secretly, craftily, in their own clandestine way, they will be changing you into a better person. They will be helping you reach goals you never even considered before. They will be inspiring you to change and grow. And they will be improving their communities along the way.

Your shocked and confused mentee,

Jenifer

For more information on Lifted Strong and these two wonderful ladies, visit: https://www.liftedstrong.org/