A Forward Trajectory

Life is strange, they say.

Then again, maybe it isn't so much that it is strange but rather that life just keeps moving, and that forces us to feel as if we are merely a spectator within it. That things happen TO us, and we have no control or say in how it plays out.

The last couple of years have brought so many changes. Some were forced upon me, and others were conscious choices I made. As a recovering people pleaser and a slowly unmasking neuro-divergent, this has, at times, been rather uncomfortable. Sometimes, however, we have to sit within that discomfort for a while. In that discomfort, we begin to see the beauty and the peace which lies within the painful changes.

Not everything in our lives is within our control. I've had points in my life, as many of us do, where I've had to come to accept that I can't control everything. We don't always choose the cards we hold, but we can choose how we play them. Sometimes, that is the only thing we can control. Our reaction to the circumstances.

We learn, often the hard way, that everyone is not for us. Friends we thought would always be in our lives walk out. Sometimes it is quietly, and other times it's nuclear fallout. We can be left wondering where we went wrong, struggling to make sense of it, and resort to begging the other person for closure. This last year, I learned that I don't always need the closure I think I do.

Patterns repeat themselves, when we refuse to acknowledge our own role and take responsibility. If people continually treat you a certain way, or situations play out in a particular manner, seemingly on repeat throughout your life, it is very likely that YOU have something to do with that. I learned to step back, this year, and evaluate my own part I play in these patterns. Most often, the people pleaser and masking side of me is to blame. Taking that step back also allowed me to recognize that I needed to be better at setting boundaries in the treatment which I accept from others.

2023 and 2024 have been the years of rediscovering myself and putting my own goals, dreams, needs, and feelings at the forefront of my choices. I've learned to be nicer to myself. It's been a hard journey, learning that my needs are valid and that they matter, just as much as everyone else's. I don't need to put mine aside to appease others, make them comfortable, or ensure that they are happy. I've been doing it at my own expense. I have learned to speak up for myself, even if it upsets others.

This year, my circle got smaller. I allowed others to show me where I stand within their lives, and instead of trying to prove to them that I deserved better, I accepted the position they assigned me. No hate. No anger. No ill will. Just holding those closer who also hold me close.

2024 was a big year. Not just in the hard lessons learned.

A snippet of a dream I had ran away with my imagination when I jotted it down, as I often do. Many story ideas start this way for me, and I had told my best friend about it while on one of our long-haul road trips to see another friend. It was her encouragement which had me thinking that maybe this idea would blossom into a full-length novel. Indeed, it did! January 2nd of 2024, I started writing and by early August, the first draft was completed. Here we are, the final day of 2024, and my novel has been through 2 rounds of BETA readers and I'm completing my third round of edits. Soon, my little contemporary romance novel will be on submission to literary agents, hopefully in the beginning of 2025.

As I find myself looking back on 2024 and the big changes this year has brought, I truly feel at peace with what 2025 may hold for me.

Time, and life, barrel on whether we are ready for it or not.

That forward trajectory will happen, regardless of what we choose to do with the cards that fall on our paths.

In 2025, I'm continuing to choose peace, joy, love, and an unapologetic drive to achieve my own goals.