A Crazy Idea

Addis was a man full of passion. Being full of passion leads to being full of emotion. Thus, we can say Addis is an emotional man. Incredibly emotional. Weather doesn’t seem to help the situation, especially when it starts to rain. And it’s dark out. And your girlfriend has left you.

Addis’ heart was struck with solitude. He had tricked himself into thinking that Amy was going to hold onto it with all the trust in the world. Poor Addis. Poor trust. It’s interesting what trust can do to a person, what it can take away. Addis would have a cigarette to clear his nerves, but he couldn’t taste the bold flavor anymore. He couldn’t seem to laugh at his favorite television shows. When trust left, it took joy along with it, leaving Addis with nothing but broken bottles and a broken heart.

Addis was known to be full of passion, emotion, and giddiness. But there’s one quirk to Addis that may be his defining characteristic; if you described this one personality trait, anyone would know you were talking about Addis, if you even knew him very little. Addis was known to have crazy ideas.

Now, these ideas range from small to large, the common denominator being that they are all extremely crazy. Sometimes, they went horribly wrong. Embarrassment would follow, along with resentment, or sometimes, a breakup and heartbreak.

On this rainy night, Addis was sprawled across the floor looking up at the ceiling, wondering where it all went wrong. He took another sip of Jameson, and a disappointing drop barely touched his tongue. He let out a long-needed sigh and stared at the ceiling for the third hour in a row. He was high on something not even he could remember, and he was too drunk to care. As he watched the raindrops fall across the windowsill, just like he always did when he was a kid, lightning struck outside. This sparked an idea in his head. Addis had just come up with his craziest idea yet. And it was pretty crazy.

Addis woke up in his bed, wondering how he got there. He sat up and looked around his studio, realizing he had blacked out for who knows how long. It was dirty, it was dark, it was lonely. Without Amy, there seemed to be no point in living. Grotesque, but true. Is this it? Loneliness, pain, and depression? He realized, finally, he just couldn’t do it anymore. It was time to go along with his craziest idea.

He got up, put the keys in his death machine, and drove off in the rain.

Addis drove to the bridge he had always gone to with Amy. It was her favorite spot. She must have had an array of different favorite spots, though, since she never seemed to come to her favorite spot anymore.

Addis stumbled out of the car, walked to the railing, and looked over. He looked over every conversation, over all the mistakes, over the laughs that seemed like they’d last forever. He looked over his life, and how he could possibly move forward without her.

He couldn’t.

Addis climbed the railing and stepped over. This was it. It was Amy, or it was nothing. Just as he was about to jump, he took a side glance at the little step he was standing on. It seemed like…a book. A little black book. “What the hell?” Addis thought. “Could this be a sign?” No. Addis didn’t want a sign. Addis wanted to jump. This was Amy’s favorite spot. What if she left it?

The question could not go unanswered.

As carefully as he could, Addis picked up the little black book and opened it. It was a check for 20,000 dollars. “Wow, who the hell left this?” He pondered. He flipped through the notebook and found a page that read:

"You needed this. You need this. You need this. It’s possible."

Addis was confused. It was true, Amy was his financial supplier, and he was broke. “Wait a minute…” Addis looked again at the check and saw that it was addressed to himself.

He rubbed his eyes and took a deep breath. He was intoxicated, higher than high, he must have been tripping. He looked once more at his name written in messy handwriting. Unequivocally, it was addressed to him.

He hopped over the railing and got back in the car. “How is this possible? Is this a dream?” He started to smile. The smile then turned into a subtle laugh, and the laugh turned into cackling with excitement. The sun hadn’t come out yet, but a peak of sunshine was finally able to leave his eyes. Addis had been poor for so long - he was 10,000 dollars in debt. Someone had come to rescue him. And he knew it was Amy.

His idea to jump off the bridge turned into happier ideas. He thought about all the things he could do with the money. He drove home, jumped into bed, and passed out.

The next day, the sunlight that was coming from his eyes now came in through the window. Addis stretched and looked outside to the bright sun without a cloud in the sky. For the first time in a while, he felt hopeful. He felt the sun on his skin, and he felt alive. He felt invited, and wanted. He took a deep breath, feeling grateful that the sun was out that day.

Addis took a long, hot shower. Instead of thinking about Amy, he thought about everything he could do with the rest of his money. His shoulders could finally relax as the weight of his debt was no longer hanging over him. This was the shortest shower he’d taken in weeks. He hopped out, ecstatic for the day.

Addis scratched his tooth, disgusted by the plaque under his fingernail and his current lifestyle. “Well, that’s…embarrassing.” Motivated by shame, he brushed his teeth harder and longer than he ever had before, combed his hair, and got dressed. He hadn’t looked this good in a while, and it made him smile.

As he walked out of the bathroom, he looked around his studio with disappointment. “I can’t come home to this,” he thought. Addis got some trash bags and started to clean the travesty he called his home. He put on his favorite song and found himself dancing and feeling the music the way he used to. A song that seemed to have lost its meaning was speaking to him in an entirely new way. He noticed beautiful sounds and notes that he had never heard before.

By the time Addis finished cleaning, he was tired, but he still had too much energy not to go outside and enjoy the sunshine. This feeling felt foreign to Addis. It was really nice to welcome a feeling like that back.

Addis put on his jacket and left the house. He decided to take a walk, not because he was hung over and didn’t care, but because he wanted to celebrate. He wanted to walk and take everything in.

He smelled the fresh crisp air and the flowers that lined the pathway. He could hear birds singing and a couple’s conversation as they walked by:

“...And then I told him, ‘listen man, I didn’t touch the goddamn honey...”

Addis laughed to himself, imagining every possible context that could’ve led up to that statement. He put his hands in his pockets and started skipping down the sidewalk.

“I JUST GOT 20,000 DOLLARS!!!!!” The scream left him in sudden disbelief and shock. He just couldn’t hold it in. There was life to be lived, and he was going to live it! He started to run toward the bank.

He arrived with the best energy he had ever felt. The best part was that he knew it was Amy who had given him the money. He didn’t need to call or contact her. It meant that she still cared. They were over, but she still cared. And that was enough.

He waited in the long line, which didn’t bother him. He noticed a couple looking into each other’s eyes and felt the magnetic energy between them from across the room. They were so locked into love that he couldn’t help but to feel love himself. Without a single thought of his past relationship, he simply smiled and felt happy for them.

It was finally time for Addis to ring up his check. “Hi there, how are you today?” He asked in the most sincere way he’s ever asked the obligatory question.

“I’m great today, thank you.” The teller replies. “What can I help you with?” “Well,” Addis said, confidently happy, “I’m here to cash this check that’s going to change my life.”

“That’s fantastic sir. Let me see please.” Addis hadn’t looked at the check since last night. He pulled the little black book out of his pocket and handed the teller the check. This was the moment. Why did he have a weird feeling in his stomach all of a sudden?

The teller looked at the check questionably. “Um,” the teller said, with energy you never want to feel from a teller, “what’s your name, sir?”

“Addis Consin. Is there a problem?” The teller seemed very confused. “Sir, just to make sure I’m correct, are you depositing 20,000 from another account?” There was a brief silence that was filled with utter confusion from both parties. “I’m…sorry?”

“Sir, this check is directed to yourself.”

Addis was frozen.

“Let me see that.” Addis grabbed the check and looked much more closely. It was true. Addis had written the check. “Um…I…I’ll just, I’m gonna…”

Addis speed-walked out of the bank, gasping for air as his breath started to escape him. He looked back at the quote in the little black book.

"You needed this. You need this. You need this. It’s possible."

He then flipped to the very last page. Indeed, there was another passage he had missed.

“I told you so.”

That’s when it all hit Addis. He remembered.

He was going to write a check to himself. A random number, nothing too extremely crazy, say, 20,000 dollars. He went through his drawers and found his old checkbook and a little black book he had bought a long time ago to keep track of his money, both of which were collecting dust. He wrote a 20,000 dollar check and taped it to the book. He thought to himself, “I need this,” and started writing on a random page. He could see his whole idea play out.

He was going to drive to the bridge, leave the notebook, come back, and forget the whole situation. It seemed unrealistic, but Addis could convince himself of almost anything. He had a plan – he was going to make himself forget about Amy.

Addis thought, “God…this has to work. It will work.” He then flipped to the last page and wrote, "I told you so".

Now that Addis had remembered everything, he sat down on the sidewalk. He had tricked himself with a blank check, worth nothing except for the realization that he could be free. Because, he realized, Amy had given him nothing. Amy was still gone.

Amy was gone, but he managed to brush his teeth and take a shower. Amy was gone, but he could still feel the sun and hear the music. He was able to laugh, go outside, and be happy. There was life before Amy, and there is life after Amy.

After a few more moments, he laughed to himself. Wow. He was right. He needed this.

Addis was known for his bizarre plans. Sometimes they worked, sometimes they didn’t. But this time, it paid off. After all this time, he now believed he could live on. All it took was a crazy idea.