A Carbon Copy Just Isn't Treasured as Much as the Original

The "Rocky V" Review

And you all thought that Hollywood was finished with "The Italian Stallion" after the first four movies. Well, you don't know those greedy pyschopaths as much as you thought you did. They're going to keep rolling out "Rocky" Movies even when Stallone's in an old nursery home.

Even when he's old & senile, they will still have him battling it out with "Winchester" Walter Norton over the last batch of tapioca pudding.

Trust me; I've seen the script. Nah! I'm only effing around.

On another note, this "Rocky" movie was ehhhh. Scratches head and tries to come up with the right words.

It wasn't bad but it could've been a better send-off if the other 14 Rocky-inspired films didn't succeed it.

Anyways, let me hook up my Pioneer LaserDisc player and get this review going.

And here we go. The lion from that Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer logo looks extra vicious. He looks like he hadn't eaten in 45 minutes. Somebody hook homie up with a T-bone steak pronto.

They're showing a recap of the Balboa/Drago fight. 

Adrian doesn't look to shook especially when she didn't believe he could win in the first place. It's like she saw the script for the movie in advance. 

Drago made Rocky his personal bitch in these highlights. 

In a real-life fight that match would've long been stopped.

Burgess Meredith is still in the credits even though his character transitioned on many moons ago. Meredith must've had one heck of an agent. Whats his number? #askingforafriend

One thing I didn't need to see was Rocky's bareass in the shower. 

You think the reason that you're sitting there shivering might be because you probably got pneumonia. Put on some clothes bro!

Tony (Apollo's and Rocky's trainer) is asked by Rocky to get Adrian. I thought his name was Duke in the other films. Maybe they changed the name on account of another character in this film referred to as "Duke."

Adrian walks in and is wearing the hell out that ensemble.

She sees Rocky shivering. 

I told the fool to put on some clothes.

Rocky tells Adrian that he wants to go home and mistakenly calls her Mick.

Rocky arrives home from the long plane trip and is greeted to a hero's welcome from all of his adoring fans but all he wants to see is his kid who's elated to see his parents just the same.

This might've been the last stage of his life when his kid was actually proud of him as a father.

He just looked at him with such a distain afterwards. 

Rocky's having some fun at the press conference when he's interrupted by a Don King rip-off by the name of George Washington Duke portrayed by veteran actor, Richard Gant, who plays his role exquisitely.

Adrian interrupts the festivities and lets the media know that her husband's now retired. 

That's a nice limo that Rocky and his family are riding in. Also, a nice mansion he's pulling up to. I don't know which I want more: the mansion or the limo. 

How about I just take them both!

Damn, Rock took a beating and whoever did the makeup was right on point. He looks like he was mauled by a grizzly. 

Rocko's admiring his son's art work especially the portrait he drew of his french teacher.

If that illustration's correct then this woman has a rack on her that would've made Jayne Mansfield turn her head. 

I'm only about 12 minutes into the film but Stallone's portrayal of a punch-drunken fighter is top-tier. 

Stallone's given grief on not being able to understand what the motherfucker's saying in some of his later films but that "dialect" is excellent here.

Now I know this fool didn't let Paulie be in charge of his money. 

I wouldn't allow that imbecile to be in charge of putting together a jigsaw puzzle, let alone my dough.

Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy. I guess Bernie Madoff wasn't available. 

Oh, Rocky finds out that all of his money has been swindled away by a shyster disguising himself as an accountant. SMH! Those mofos will get you every time if you let them. 

Paulie and Adrian are going at it over the misappropriation of funds.

Adrian should've been in charge of the money if anything. 

Maybe if she wasn't too busy hating on Rocky, she would've made sure that the dollars where were they were supposed to be.

SMDH! WOMEN!

Because of all the amounting debt, Rocky decides to fight again as Adrian advises against it.

They visit some doctors to see what's wrong with Rocky when they find out the bad news. 

Rocky has irreversible brain damage. 

Rocky's thinking that all he needs are a few fights. "Two easy ones" as he puts it but Adrian pleads with him not to go through with it. 

Adrian says that she loves Rocky with or without the money. 

Sure, she says that now Rock but how's she going to act when the rent's due though. Watch out for her my brother.

Adrian asks the doctors if this consultation will be kept in-house. The doctors ensure them that the conversation will be "strictly confidential." 

Oh puuuuh-lease. That's only until that fake Don King-looking mofo throws a bag of money at them. You ain't fooling anybody docs. You all didn't get those brand-new Mercedes Benz's because of your practices. 

Rocky and Adrian decide to have an estate sale to knock down some of that debt.

Rocky finds his old threads including his old hat. He even heads down to one of his old hangouts as he finds out that the people are talking about how he blew all of his money.

He even sees Micks' old gym and I can hear Mick right now saying this to Rock,

"You bum! How could you blow through all that money like that! Didn't I teach you better then that?! Now go out and catch this chicken."

I totally forgot about Meredith having a cameo in this movie. I used think that was just a hologram of him but that was actually him.

The whole scene was powerful though. Beautifully done by Meredith.

Balboa's estate is now back in Philly as the family returns home to some groovy music playing in the background. 

I like how they combined the 1960's inspired doo-wop with 1990's hip hop. I usually don't like the mixture but they did a good job right here. 

Even though it sucks being back in Philly, they do arrive to another hero's welcome.

On the bright side, the city of Philly looks a whole helluva lot better in 1990 then it did in 79'. It was a complete dump back then and now…..It's much less of a dump? Scratches head. (Shrugs)

Adrian receives a call from George Duke. I must say that he is one persistent fella.

Rocky and Paulie are escorting his son to his new school. Along the way, the two adults "school" him on the possible parasites that reside in the neighborhood.

They arrive at the school which looks more like a penitentiary then a school facility.

That should tell you all of what you need to know right there. 

Now, I'm not sure if Rock helped or made matters worse since he embarrassed his son in front of his fellow convicts. Oops, I mean comrades.

As Rocky and Paulie are walking back home, they have a few interesting encounters.

One is a young & upcoming prospect by the name of Tommy Gunn played by real-life boxer, the late Tommy Morrison who offers to pay Rocky to train him.

The other fella they encounter on their travel home is the aforementioned George Duke.

Duke, along with one of his righthand men, are trying to get Rocky back into the fight business so that he can experience more excruciating pain as they cheat him out of all of his money. 

It looks as though Duke's pep talk is working until Adrian comes in for the save.

She has resumed working at the pet shop across the street. 

Tell Butkus I said, "ruff ruff" if he's still on this plane with us. 

Rocky doesn't take too kindly to Adrian's refusal to Duke's offer even though it was with his best interest in mind. 

Also, Duke and co. aren't too happy about being turned down and search for an angle to get Rocky back into the ring.

The current heavyweight champion tells them that he's better then Balboa ever was. Duke and co. put their "boy" back in his place. 

I use the term "boy" because they basically tell him that they own him and that they tell him who to fight and when to fight so yeah, he's their "boy."

Meanwhile, Rocky's kid is getting pulvarized into oblivion over a coat.

Is this Rocky V or an episode of "Oz?"

Rocky's working as a trainer at Mick's gym when he's visited by Tommy Gunn.

He wants to show Rocky what he has so Rocky puts him in a sparring session that Tommy treats like a heavyweight title fight.

Rocky knows the young fighter has potential but senses that he could be somewhat of a hothead. 

Tommy asks Rocky to manage him. 

Rocky says that he "doesn't no nothing about being a manager" and declines his offer. Rocky doesn't know a lot of things like what the terms "urban blight" and "cojones" mean. 

Also, he "don't no nothing" about basic English vernacular by those double negatives from what I gather from that sentence above.

Kid Rocky's feeling down in the dumps after his encounter with two local street thugs at Shawshank Redemption Jr. High. 

The girl, who was in on the distraction, feels badly about what happened and tries to make amends with Kid Rocky. 

Apparently, she's not the brightest Philips light bulb around because she asks him if he's cold.

Woman, it's freezing out there and you're hanging around with the nitwits that stole his leather jacket so the answer is yes. 

SMH. No wonder you're in the 7th grade for the 2nd time around. 

Oh, Kid Rocky's name is Robert. At least that's what the girl called him but when I looked on imdb.com, they had him listed as Rocky Jr.

I think Kid Rocky fits him better though. 

What do you all think?

The girl isn't too bad. Despite her poor attempts at basic English vernacular, she did compliment Kid Rocky on his posterior. 

Rocky's out for a walk with Paulie where Tommy's seen just standing there. This mofo seems like a stalker to me. That was a major red flag there.

He pleads with Rocky to manage him again which Balboa's reluctant to accept at first but eventually gives in. 

Tommy Morrison did his thing in the ring but he had some acting chops on him as well. He had me convinced.

Rocky invites him to have dinner with his family.

Rocky sees the shiner his kid was given at the hands of a prison….oops schoolyard bully.

Kid Rocky (Robert) wants to fight the bully but Adrian advises against it.

So you want to see your son continually get his ass handed to him on a daily basis; Some mother you are. 

Tommy lets them know about his battles with his father who used to rag down on him and his mother. Tommy says that the first person he ever wanted to fight was his father.

Yo Rock?! I think that might be another one of those red flags, bruh. 

Tommy pretty much brought down the morale of the table even though it wasn't that great to begin with. 

However, Paulie did supply the table with some good jokes. I just wished someone would supply the man with a brush. I bet the man hasn't washed his hair since he was working for Gazzo.

Rocky gives Tommy Kid Rocky's old room in the basement to stay in, much to Kid Rocky's chagrin.

They head downstairs to check out the young prospect's abode as they see that the place has been decorated with all of Rocky's memorabilia courtesy of his son.

Robert tries to make some conversation with his father until Tommy butts in.

Now Kid Rocky's hatred for his father all makes sense now. 

I could elaborate more on it but I'm going to save you all a ton of time and simplify the issue; Rocky loved boxing more then he loved his son.

Speaking of his son, he gets his clocked cleaned again by those same filthy rascals from earlier.

I think these guys might be more vicious then those cats from the HBO series, Oz.

Rocky seeks out Father Carmine and asks for a prayer for his protégé, Tommy Gunn.

Tommy has his first fight and is getting his ass handed to him at the beginning.

The guy didn't have to stare Tommy down like that. You're already kicking his ass; You don't have to be extra with it. 

I'm going to tell you like Jason Terry told Dwyane Wade during the 2011 NBA Finals, 

"No one likes a show-off."

I think Tommy's just nervous and has a case of the bubble guts. Just let one rip and you should be fine afterward.

Tommy comes back and wins the fight with a knockout.

You think it was Rocky's pep talk that he gave him or that 1990's "Snap! I Got the Power" hip hop inspired beat that did the trick.

GO FOR IT!

Even Paulie notices Rocky's neglect of Kid Rocky. You know it's a problem if he's noticing it because he doesn't notice shit most of the time. 

"I dont sweat you, tough guy."

Kid Rocky has hands his damn self. I think ole' Rocko should've been managing him instead. He'll probably leave just like Tommy Gunn's going to do but at least he would be kin. 

Kid Rocky drops the bully as his fellow crony cowers like a schoolboy beee yotchhhhh.

That's a real-life scenario right there when it comes to some bullies.

They're all tough when they're surrounded by company but when they're by themselves, they ain't shit. 

Wait a minute. The kid runs home and tells his father that he got his jacket back by whipping up on some young thug and all Rock says is "go and tell your mother and that she likes things like that?"

This is Adrian that we're talking about here not Ronda Rousey.

Homie must be punch-drunk for real. 

Tommy's running through the competition and the whole world's on notice including George Duke who unleashes his plan on getting the young fool suckered into his camp.

He even introduces a femme fatale as his bait to lure him in with. I don't know which one's going to hit you harder Tommy Boy: the heavyweight or Lady Pussililah.

Adrian's not impressed but when is she ever. Her intuition is spot-on though because she knows this whole Gunn/Balboa team is going to end badly for Rocko. 

She uses a newspaper clipping of the two as a bird dookie sheet. 

Tommy's getting tired of being Rocky's boy and wants out from underneath the legend's shadow. 

We all know what's coming next. He's getting ready to cut Rocky out of the deal. 

Well, I hope you enjoyed the ride while it lasted Rocky because the parade is getting ready to pass you on by. While you're eating philly cheesesteaks, Tommy Boy's going to be having filet mignon with Lady Pussililah.

It's Christmas time in the Balboa household and they have one of my all-time favorite Christmas movies on the boob tube; National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. 

I love that movie. More on that at a later date. 

Tommy Boy's given a check for 20 big ones so he's not only smitten with a certain "kitten" but also by those Benjamins, baby.

But Tommy, here's some food for thought.

Since when do folks give out 20 thousand dollars for an advance and you don't ask what the rest of the money's looking like?

If they're willing to give you 20k then you might be worth 2 mil.

At least, if you're going to sell your soul, get your market value, genius.

Rocky's getting ready to get dumped by Tommy but he might've gotten his walking papers from Kid Rocky just now.

Kid Rocky brought over his new girl, the bully and his flunkie who he has now befriended.

He also has a new attitude and a new vernacular. 

He ditches Rocko and his bootleg Christmas party. 

Paulie was dressed up as Santa and was funny as hell. Leave out some rum proof cookies and a bottle of J & B for ole' Santa Clausetti.

Rocky goes and talks with his son who's in the basement with his comrades.

Nothing gets sorted out because Kid Rocky's still at odds with his papa.

As they're leaving, George Duke and his crew, including Tommy, arrive to the scene to spread some Christmas spirit.

Rocky and Tommy talk and Tommy lets Rock down easy but he pretty much tells him that he's moving on. 

Rock tries to go after him but he's not going to chase down that fast ass car when he couldn't catch that lazy ass chicken in "Rocky II."

Adrian arrives to console Rocky and to talk some sense into the former champ.

They share a hug after a very powerful scene between the two.

Thank Goodness! Adrian finally got her teeth cleaned. Maybe that's what Rock's last piece of change went towards; Some much-needed dental care for his lady.

Rocky goes and makes amends with his son. 

Tommy Gunn finally lands his title fight against Union Kane. That's an interesting name by the way.

An interesting contrast here as Rocky's rooting for Gunn while Paulie's rooting for Kane.

I guess all the rooting that Rocky did for him during the fight in his basement did the trick because Tommy Boy is the new champ.

During the interview, Tommy thanked the man that made all of this happen; George Duke.

Ouch Rocko! I bet that hit you harder then Drago ever did. 

Tommy's not very welcomed at the press conference where he's bombarded with a series of criticisms from the press which was quite entertaining.

If only the press were as analytical in real life as they were in this scene, this world would be a much better place.

Duke's no help either as he throws his former champ and the current champ underneath a pair of Greyhound buses.

It's all about control and mass manipulation with a greater scheme in mind.

Tommy's tricked into going to a random bar to challenge Rocky.

Now, I have a question. 

How the hell did he know that Rocky was at a bar? I know Adrian didn't tell him so how did he know.

Maybe that woman next to him is named Clair; Clair Voyance.

Rocky refuses to fight him until Tommy attacks Paulie when he's schooling Tommy to the truth about who got him to the top.

That's when Rocky's demeanor changes and he tilts his head. It's on now!

We don't need Michael Buffer to know that it's time to get it on. (Pause)

Rocky lays some wood to him and takes down the younger fighter and lets him know how disappointed he was with Tommy.

He thinks it's all over but Rocko look out!

Tommy's on the attack and no one's safe; Not even the patrons of the bar.

One thing about this fight sequence is that it kind of looks like a made-for-TV movie. A Lifetime made-for-TV movie at that.

The quality's lacking here a tad bit.

Rocky's somehow able to get back up by the power of the Hollywood industry of course. Anybody else would be deceased and would've needed a priest.

Hey, that rhymes! And speaking of dope rhymes, here comes the "Go for It" song.

You know Tommy Boy's fucked now. 

One more round!

Rocky's able to lay out Tommy again but Rocky celebrates too soon and is ambushed from behind by the punk champion.

Rocky finally puts down Tommy for good. Now you can celebrate which he does by knocking out George Duke.

Congrats Rock! You won the fight and you're also going to be the recipient of a big ass lawsuit but hey! The song said go for it and you did.

Aww shit! I thought that was it but apparently not. 

He's seen running the famous steps in Philly with his son.

I guess they were given an extra 14 minutes and wanted to make the best of it. 

Okay, now that's it as they roll the cheesy 80's music even though were in the 1990's. 

I think this sequel was meant to be the final one by all of the music and the footage they show of Rocky throughtout the years. A montage of sorts you can say.

I have no clue on why another "Rocky" was done. Maybe Stallone had to because after all, he doesn't own the rights; Someone else does. At the end, I guess you can say that he was someone's "boy" as well. 

Well folks, that is all. Stay free and always remember to,

GO FOR IT!