A bid of confidence

"The biggest opportunity in your life to befriend one of your TV idols and you ruined it!"

What ate away at me most wasn’t just a missed opportunity. It was the fact that I was scared, nervous, intimidated, star-struck. I never knew myself to be star-struck before. I met Lou Ferrigno the previous year at Comic-Con and everything went fine. This was different though. This was the first time encountering an artists that I held in such high regard.

The admiration was earned honestly. Truth be told, I was obsessed with the Sopranos but even more with Michael Imperioli's character Chris. I literally had just binge-watched all 8 seasons prior to this encounter which I considered a beautiful coincidence.

Everything his character Chris did, were things I could only imagine myself doing. Getting revenge on his enemies; Moving up the ranks in the family business of an organized crime syndicate; Participating in multiple orgies on an almost weekly basis. His character's reality was my biggest fantasy and I just watched myself let it all slip through my hands.

I was embarrassed to tell anyone what happened, but I did so in the hopes I could laugh it off and forget about it. After some discussion I learned that a lot of people had seen him in that particular Detroit suburb and some even spoke to him cohesively. They said he was in town shooting a Dick Wolf TV show titled "Detroit 187". A spin-off of a "Law and Order" or "Chicago PD" which are shows I absolutely treasured.

That encounter and my reaction continued to bother me for some time and I always had an urge to do something about it, I knew I had to address my social defaults and insecurities. After some contemplation I took a “if you can’t beat em, join em” approach and moved from my home base in Wisconsin to Chicago to pursue the performing arts.

I hit the ground running, training and working on the craft, taking classes in improv and pursuing stand-up comedy eventually earning my way to becoming a paid performer.

I did it, I was a paid professional and my confidence was boosted. I was a new person and ready to call all performers my peers thanks to the motivation from that interaction with Mr. Michael Imperioli.

The following summer, I learned Michael, whom I convinced myself I was now I on a first name basis with, was in Chicago for a Q&A and book signing for his new book.

Immediately, I knew this was the moment where it would all pay off and that my redemption was upon me. I bought a ticket and prepared myself to face my destiny.

The Q&A was being held in an upstairs meeting room at a downtown Catholic church. I went to the Q&A but asked no questions because I knew my time to shine would be during the face to face portion at the actual book signing. Once the book signing started, I stood in line along with other attendees, waiting on the delivery of his book from the bookstore across the street to use for signature.

As the line got shorter and shorter the books were still pending. Suddenly we got word that the books were sold out.

The timing was less than impeccable. I was up next in line with nothing for Michael to sign. I looked around for anything to serve as a proxy and luckily noticed a small wooden table in the corner of the room with one remaining small black book next to a sign that said, 'Prayer Journals'.

Another sign that this redemption was meant to be.

I sat the black book down and made a no-look request by saying, “Could you sign this?” He said, “Of course”

It was perfect. Everything was going according to plan. As he was signing, I decided to forge ahead with my plan to recall our first encounter by saying, “You know, I actually met you, back in 2010 in Royal Oak, MI”

He finished signing, looked up, smiled and said excitedly, “Royal Oak, MI! Well wow! Did you live there?”

He slid the book back.

With a half a smile, I grabbed the book, looked at him and said, “No, but I know you did” and with a mountain of awkwardness and absurdity on my back walked away.

With that unnecessary over-confidence, I had just recreated the level of awkwardness we had during our first encounter, but I was too proud to recognize it.

Afterwards, I was eager to show off what had just happened and brag a little. I logged into Facebook and started posting about my redemption story including photos of Michael's signature on my black book.

With all the excitement happening, I didn't realize until the next day a missed comment that would completely alter my financial picture, in the comment section from my Facebook friend, Frankie Calabrese, also a fan of Michael Imperioli. His comment read, "that signed black book would make a killing on Micheal's Ebay Fanclub" .

"Oh, cool", was my initial thought, followed by, "But fuck off".

Why would I sell what I convinced myself I earned on a journey of overcoming personal hurdles and obstacles like fear and insecurity, self-loathing? I didn't come this far to sell all that away for a few bucks!

But, would it be just a few bucks? Would it be more? How much is a killing? was Michael's signature worth mounting debt and interest? It was worth checking out right? How does Ebay even work? Do I pay for shipping? These were fair questions that I had to ask myself and they were suddenly urgent too. I didn't have a lot of wiggle room with my current situation and it became harder to ignore with the mounting pressure I was under.

It was non-stop too. Whether by email, regular mail or by cellphone, Uncle Sam was on my ass. This new travel gig that allowed me to meet my idol was both a gift and a curse. I was finally in a fortunate situation to make legit money but had avoided filing my taxes for 6 years while I scraped by.

Now I was faced with the reality of having to get square with the government.

"FUCK!" is what I said under my breath as I googled Michael's Ebay fanclub on my browser. I didn't want to do this but couldn't help noticing his velour track suit worn in multiple episodes went for $90,000

Why the fuck not? Destiny manifested as 'Don't Stop Believing' played on at the restaurant as I put the book up for bidding.

I started the bidding at $5K, within two hours I was up to $12K. "For a signed book?" I thought to myself as watch the bidding war ensue.

$15K, then $15.5K then $17K then...nothing. I was in too deep to settle for that and owe the IRS $3K.

It was closing time at the restaurant so I had to go. I walked home. Forced the key into the door in a hurry and unlocked it. "What was that bidding at?" I kept thinking. I hurried to the couch, reconnected to the internet and checked the bidding. In the bottom right corner of my PC I saw a flashing light then a "PING"

An email from [email protected] about my debt arrived in my inbox. It read, "This debt has been outstanding for 29 days. If not paid with a timestamp of 11:59 AM EST of the 30th day, this debt will be reported to all 3 credit bureaus along with an increased interest rate and debt amount."

"Thanks Obama" is all I could muster.

Exhausted by it all, I passed out.

At 11:24 pm I woke up to take a piss and check my Michael Imperioli's black book status.

A message from @bigpussy305 read, "I'll Venmo you $19K to stop the bidding right now."

"Do I take the offer or use the next 25 minutes to continue bidding?" I asked myself.

COMPUTER DIES