9 Things I Wish I Knew Before Getting Into a Serious Relationship

Alright, let's just dive right in — relationships are wild. Not always in the roses-and-candles way, either. More like a rollercoaster you thought was just a cute teacup ride, and suddenly you’re upside down screaming with one shoe missing.

I got into my first serious relationship thinking I was ready. I was so not. I thought love was just about finding someone who liked the same TV shows and didn’t chew with their mouth open. Spoiler: it’s way more layered than that.

1. Love doesn’t fix your crap

I used to think, "If I just find the right person, I’ll finally feel whole." Cue rom-com music. Nope. Turns out, if you're carrying baggage, it doesn’t magically disappear just because someone’s holding your hand.

Do your inner work. Seriously. Therapy, journaling, messy crying on your bathroom floor — whatever helps. No one’s coming to rescue you from yourself.

2. You won’t always like the person you love

Hot take? Maybe. But listen — love and like are not always on speaking terms. There were days I loved my partner to death and also wanted to chuck a pillow at their face for how they slurped soup.

You can deeply love someone and also be wildly irritated by their existence. That’s normal. But if the dislike outweighs the love more often than not… well. You might need to have a talk. Or ten.

3. Your identity shouldn’t vanish

Here’s the thing. I lost myself a bit in my last relationship. I stopped seeing friends as much. I dropped hobbies. I even stopped wearing certain outfits because “he didn’t like them.”

Ugh. I hate admitting that. But it happens. You slowly start melting into “we” instead of “me.” And honestly, that’s terrifying. A relationship should add to your life — not swallow it whole like a rom-com monster.

Hold onto your weirdness. Your people. Your dreams. You’re allowed to be your own damn person.

4. It’s not 50/50 every day, and that’s okay

People love saying “relationships are 50/50” like it’s this perfect little math problem. LOL. Some days it's 80/20. Sometimes it's 10/90 and you’re the 10 and you're just trying not to lose your damn mind.

The balance should shift over time. As long as it eventually evens out, and both people are showing up? That’s what matters. But yeah — you might have to pick up some slack sometimes. And someday, they’ll do the same for you.

Hopefully.

5. Sometimes love isn't enough

Ugh, this one. I fought this truth so hard. I stayed in a relationship for way too long because, well… I loved them. And they loved me. So shouldn’t that be enough?

Turns out, no. Love isn’t a magic wand that fixes bad timing, emotional unavailability, or fundamental incompatibility. You can love someone with your entire soul and still know it’s not right.

It’s a heartbreaking lesson. But also kind of liberating. Because once you realize that, you stop clinging to love as the only measure of whether to stay. You start asking, “Is this healthy? Is this sustainable? Am I still me in this?”

And that? That’s the real test.

6. Alone time is not a betrayal

I used to feel guilty wanting a night to myself. Like, if I wanted to read in silence or binge a terrible Netflix show alone, I was somehow rejecting them. Nah. Being in a relationship shouldn’t mean you’re glued together like two weird barnacles.

Wanting space is healthy. In fact, couples who respect each other’s need for solitude tend to last longer. Science says so. Or maybe it was just a random tweet I saw at 2am. Either way — it checks out.

7. Jealousy happens, but it’s not romantic

Oh man. The jealousy myth. That whole “If they’re jealous, it means they really care” nonsense. I believed that. Thought it was cute. But honestly? Jealousy is exhausting.

A little envy is human. But constant suspicion, passive-aggressive jabs, or controlling behavior? That’s not passion. That’s insecurity wearing a trench coat. And trust should not have to be earned every day like a paycheck.

8. Fights are fine. How you fight matters more

Let’s be real — you will fight. If you don’t, someone’s lying or repressing or secretly chewing the inside of their mouth until it bleeds. What I didn’t know is that it’s not about avoiding arguments — it’s about fighting fair.

No low blows. No silent treatment. No dragging up crap from six months ago just to “win.” If it feels like a competition, you’ve already lost. The goal should always be understanding, not domination.

God, I wish someone told me that sooner.

9. Shared values > shared interests

Look, I love meeting someone who’s also into obscure 90s cartoons and Korean fried chicken. It’s fun! But shared hobbies don’t mean squat if your values clash.

Do you both want kids? How do you handle money? If you’re not aligned on the big stuff, no amount of mutual playlists or matching sneakers will save you.

It’s not sexy, but those conversations matter. Have them early. Before you're knee-deep in moving boxes and accidentally raising a dog together.

Conclusion

So yeah. That’s my list. But if even one person reads this and feels a little more prepared, a little less alone, then cool — that’s a win.

Also, relationships can be amazing. When they’re healthy, when they’re real, when you can laugh until you snort and cry without shame — that’s magic. But no one tells you how much work it takes to get there. How many awkward convos. How many late-night overthinks and stubborn silences.