9 Signs That There Are Problems in Your Relationship That You Should Not Ignore

Relationship expert John Gottman says he can predict whether or not a relationship will last through the presence or absence of key behaviors. He calls these behaviors the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse." These are criticism, contempt, defensive attitude, and blocking.

Criticism is different from complaining about your partner, it is more of an accusatory behavior. Suppose you are upset with your spouse because he left the window open in the rain and the curtains got wet. Instead of addressing the issue properly, you point to your partner's shortcomings with the words "You always…" or "You never…."

Contempt is disrespectful behavior, manifested by gestures or words that become abusive. You attack your partner at every opportunity, sabotaging his self-esteem by listing his flaws. This is not just a game of power and manipulation. It's about how little you respect a person you have to love and care about.

A defensive attitude is based on denial of responsibility, permanent excuses for your behavior, words, or actions. Of course, if there is contempt and criticism in the relationship, then the defensive attitude seems a logical reaction.

Relationship blocking means the end of dialogue and communication. This refusal to get involved emotionally can provoke violent reactions from your partner.

In every relationship, there is a turning point, which in most cases can only be seen in retrospect. However, if you identify problems promptly, you can take the right position promptly.

What are the warning signs that the relationship is having problems:

1. You and/or your partner avoid being alone. You make sure that you are never in a position to have a private conversation, you check your phone when it is talking, you change your schedule so that you stay together less time.

2. Your partner's actions irritate you. It starts to irritate you the most insignificant things: "You had to do the shopping, I did them last time", "Why didn't you refuel the car, why do I have to do this?". Then your partner's daily habits start to irritate you. At that moment, your relationship takes a negative turn.

3. Stop talking about important things. A woman, who had been married to her husband for a decade, realized that their relationship was no longer working when she learned that he had told her that he had applied for a job in another city, but not her. It is important for your partner to feel free to discuss important topics with you.

4. You or your partner have changed. It is difficult for you to talk openly about your feelings. Because of this, you often communicate your unhappiness nonverbally through behavior. You express yourself indifferently, preoccupied with other things and distant.

5. The partner does not show any intention to change. You need to talk openly to your partner. You need to know if he is willing to work on the relationship or not. Does he want to continue, or leave? To act, things must be clear.

6. You can't identify any positive influence you have on each other. For example, neither of you has adopted the interests of the other and you have not learned each other's skills.

7. You can identify negative ways in which you have influenced each other, particularly unhealthy habits whether it is food, smoking, drinking, or laziness.

8. He doesn't make you feel good about the way you look. It always highlights your flaws.

9. You don't feel secure in your relationship. Either you have broken up many times, or you have been very close to separation repeatedly.