7 Tricks Narcissists Use to Control You… But You Think It’s Love

You ever feel like something’s wrong in your relationship, but you can’t explain it? Like, he says all the right things calls you beautiful, texts you every morning, tells you how lucky he is but something still feels off? You get anxious around him. You second-guess yourself. You apologize just to avoid a fight. But then he says, “I’m like this because I love you.” So you believe it. You convince yourself this is what love feels like. But what if it’s not? What if it’s control dressed up as love?

It always starts like a movie. He’s charming, sweet, obsessed with you in a way no one else ever was. He listens, compliments you, says you’re not like other girls. You fall for it. Who wouldn’t? But then something changes. Slowly. You stop texting your friends as much. You cancel plans because he’s upset. You stop wearing certain things because he “jokes” about them. You question your worth. Your voice. Your memories. And every time you notice it, he pulls you back in with sweetness. “I’m just scared of…

You think it’s love, but you feel trapped. You feel small. You feel scared to speak your mind. That’s not love. Real love doesn’t make you anxious or guilty. Real love isn’t power games or silence treatments. Narcissists don’t love you for who you are they love having control over you. But it’s so twisted, you don’t see it until you’re deep in it. So today, we’re exposing it. Seven tricks narcissists use to control you but you think it’s love. Let’s start with two of the most confusing ones first.

PART 2

If they say they love you but you feel worse every week, it’s not love it’s manipulation. Let’s break down two tricks they use to control you without ever saying the word control.

Love bombing is the start of everything. At first, he makes you feel like the only girl in the world. Constant texts, late-night calls, sudden “I love you’s.” It moves fast. Too fast. You think it’s real but he’s rushing because he wants you hooked before you see the red flags. Then it changes. The sweet messages stop. The attention fades. You wonder what happened. You blame yourself. You chase that early version of him, the one who made you feel special. But that version was bait. It was never real.

Guilt shifting is next. You go out with friends he acts cold. You take too long to reply—he accuses you of not caring. He never yells, but he pouts. Goes silent. Makes you feel like you messed up. He wants you to think your happiness hurts him. So you stop doing the things that make you happy. That’s how he wins. But real love lets you breathe. Real love celebrates your life not punishes you for living it. Ask yourself: are you shrinking just to make him feel better? Because if you are, that’s not love.

PART 3

If you feel like you’re always the one saying sorry, but nothing ever changes maybe the problem isn’t you. Let’s talk about two more tricks that keep you stuck without even realizing it.

Isolation is one of the most dangerous. But it doesn’t start with, “Don’t see your friends.” It starts with little comments. “Your best friend doesn’t like me.” “Your family’s always in our business.” “Why hang out with them when you have me?” Slowly, you stop replying to texts. You cancel plans. You pull away. Until one day, it’s just him. And that’s how he wants it. The less support you have, the more control he gets. But real love wants you connected. Not cut off. Your people matter. Keep them close.

Gaslighting is when he makes you question your reality. You remember something he said, but he says, “You’re crazy.” You tell him how you feel, and he says, “That’s not what happened.” You start to believe him. You stop trusting yourself. That’s the goal to make you doubt your own thoughts so you rely on him to define truth. But here’s the truth: if you feel confused all the time, it’s not your fault. Keep track of things. Write it down. Talk to someone outside the relationship. You’re not losing it. You’re being twisted.

PART 4

Control doesn’t always come from yelling or threats. Sometimes, it sounds like concern. Or even love. But if it leaves you feeling smaller, it’s not love it’s just control in disguise. Let’s talk about two more ways narcissists keep power over you while pretending to care.

Breaking your confidence is one of their favorite tools. He doesn’t say, “You’re ugly.” He says, “Are you sure that outfit’s flattering?” He doesn’t say, “You’re dumb.” He says, “You always overthink things.” Little comments, said with a smile or a laugh, start to feel normal. You stop trusting your ideas. You second-guess everything. You start to feel lucky just to be with him like no one else would put up with you. But he’s the one creating those doubts in the first place. He wants you to forget how powerful you are. Because when your confidence dies, he gets control. But love shouldn’t tear you down. It should remind you how amazing you already are.

Fake apologies are the glue that holds all this mess together. You finally speak up, and he says, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Or “I guess I’m just the worst boyfriend ever.” It sounds like an apology, but it’s not. It’s a trap. You end up comforting him. You feel guilty for being upset. And nothing changes. That’s the point. The fake apology resets the cycle. He does just enough to keep you hanging on. But actions are louder than “sorry.” If he says the right things but keeps doing the same damage, that’s not love. That’s emotional control, masked as growth.

PART 5

The final trick is the one that keeps so many people stuck. Because once they’ve broken down your trust, your confidence, and your circle they hit you with fear. Not screaming fear. Quiet fear. The kind that whispers, “No one will love you like I do.”

Fear disguised as love is the most dangerous trap of all. He says things like, “Good luck finding someone else who’d put up with you.” Or “If you leave, don’t expect me to come back.” Or even worse he says nothing. Just looks at you in that way that makes you feel like you’ll be nothing without him. And you believe it. Because you’ve been made to believe your worth depends on keeping him happy. That without him, you’ll fall apart. That this is as good as it gets. But that’s the biggest lie.

You are not hard to love. You are not broken. You’re just being told that over and over until you believe it. But love isn’t supposed to hurt like this. It’s not supposed to make you feel afraid to speak, to grow, or to leave. If you relate to even one of these tricks, just know you’re not crazy, and you’re not alone. You’re in something twisted that calls itself love, but love doesn’t demand your silence. It doesn’t erase who you are. It helps you become more of yourself, not less.

And the second you see the pattern is the second you start breaking it. Slowly. Quietly. In your own way. You’re not stuck forever. You’re waking up.