7 Mistakes I Had to Make to Grow

You ever look back and think, “Wow… I really thought I had it all figured out”? Yeah. Same here.

Truth is, I’ve made a mess of things more times than I care to admit. And while I wouldn’t wish some of those lows on anyone, I also wouldn’t trade them — because every single one taught me something I couldn’t have learned any other way. Pain was the teacher. Growth was the homework.

This isn’t some glossy, Pinterest-style “I learned to love myself” post. This is real. This is messy. And maybe… maybe it’ll hit you right where you need it.

Here are 7 mistakes I had to make to grow — even if it hurt like hell.

1. Believing I Had to Have It All Together

For way too long, I wore this invisible mask — pretending to be strong, put-together, always fine. I thought if I admitted I was struggling, I’d look weak. That people would see through me.

What actually happened? I burned out. I shut people out. I isolated myself trying to be a “high-functioning mess.”

You don’t need to have it all together. Nobody does. Sometimes the strongest thing you can say is, “I need help.” I wish I’d known that sooner.

2. Chasing Validation Instead of Meaning

Likes. Compliments. Approval from people who barely knew me. God, I was hungry for it. I shaped myself into what I thought others wanted — smarter, cooler, quieter, louder. Whatever fit the moment.

But here’s the kicker: no matter how much praise I got, it never filled me. Because I wasn’t living for me.

It’s wild how you can spend years building a life that looks good from the outside and still feel hollow inside. I had to stop asking, “Will they like this?” and start asking, “Does this feel right to me?”

3. Avoiding Pain Instead of Facing It

I used to run. Not literally (I hate jogging), but emotionally. Anytime something hard came up — heartbreak, grief, shame — I distracted myself. Work. Noise. Social media. Anything but actually feeling it.

But pain doesn’t disappear when you ignore it. It just festers. Quietly. In the background. Until one day it punches you in the gut when you least expect it.

Eventually, I learned to sit with it. Let it wash over me. Not to wallow, but to process. Healing isn’t clean. It’s uncomfortable and slow. But pretending you’re fine when you’re not? That’s exhausting.

4. Overcommitting to Please Everyone

I was the “yes” person. Can you help with this? Yes. Want to hang out? Yes. Last-minute favor? Sure. I was stretched so thin, I started to forget what I wanted.

Why did I do it? Honestly… I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. I thought being liked meant being available. That saying “no” would make me selfish or rude.

Spoiler: it doesn’t. Boundaries aren’t barriers — they’re bridges to healthier relationships. Saying no to others sometimes means saying yes to yourself. I learned that the hard way.

5. Thinking Growth Was Always Upward

This one hit me like a brick: growth isn’t always about “leveling up.” It’s not some constant upward spiral where everything gets better in a neat little line.

Sometimes growth means standing still. Sometimes it’s breaking down. Sometimes it’s relearning things you thought you had mastered.

I had a season where everything felt backwards. I was more anxious, more confused, more… lost. But now I see it wasn’t regression. It was refinement. Like a forest fire clearing space for new growth. Ugly but necessary.

6. Letting Fear Drive My Decisions

Fear has a quiet voice. It whispers things like, “Don’t risk it. Don’t speak up. Don’t dream too big.” And for a long time, I listened.

I stayed in relationships that weren’t right. Took jobs that felt safe but soul-sucking. I told myself I was being “realistic.” But deep down, I was just scared — of failing, of looking dumb, of being seen.

Here’s what I now believe: fear’s job is to protect you. But if it’s running the show, you’ll live a smaller life than you’re capable of. You don’t have to be fearless. Just brave enough to keep going anyway.

7. Waiting for “Perfect” Before Starting

Ugh. This one still sneaks up on me. I used to think I had to be perfectly ready before I launched anything — a project, a conversation, a new chapter.

I’d say things like, “I’ll start when I have more time… when I feel more confident… when it makes more sense.”

You know what that really means? You’ll never start.

At some point, I realized perfection is a lie. It’s just procrastination in a nicer outfit. Most of the best things in my life happened when I said, “Screw it, I’m doing it messy.” Progress over polish. Action over anxiety.

Final Thoughts

I didn’t write this for sympathy or applause. I wrote this because maybe you’ve made some of these mistakes too. Maybe you’re knee-deep in one right now. And maybe you need to hear this: you’re not broken. You’re becoming.

Every misstep, every cringey moment, every time I thought “Well, I’ve officially ruined everything” — it all added up. Slowly. Quietly. Into someone I can finally look at in the mirror and say, “Hey… you’re getting there.”

So if you feel lost, stuck, behind — you’re not. You’re learning. You’re living. Keep going.

Growth isn’t pretty. But it’s worth it.

And maybe, just maybe, the mistakes you’re making now? They’ll be the reason someone else doesn’t feel alone later.

Thanks for reading. Be gentle with yourself. You’re doing better than you think.