6 Steps to Manage Your Anger

How are you doing today? I mean, really…. How are you doing?

I got really angry last week with a colleague who offended me about my work. I rarely get angry, but her insulting words just made me see red. I had to leave the teacher’s lounge and try to walk it off before the end of recess.

In this article, I explore the topic of managing anger in trauma survivors who are living with Complex PTSD.

People choose to turn away from trauma, and ignore the truth because there is so much of it. The news cycle is constantly spitting out story after story of our world full of pain and suffering.

For trauma survivors, looking away is not possible because it’s a part of us.

Anger is impossible to ignore.

During my healing journey, I have learned that no feeling is wrong. Feelings just are but it’s how we react to those feelings that proves what kind of person you are.

Dealing with and healing from Complex PTSD is just that, it is a complex state of living. Trauma changes the very essence of who we are and how we handle situations. Healing from trauma is like living with grief.

There are five stages of grief during a healing process.

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

Source: Kübler-Ross grief cycle model from article: The Five Stages of Grief: https://www.psycom.net/stages-of-grief

All of these stages are vital in recovering from grief. Notice how anger is the second on the list. Trauma survivors are familiar with all of them, most take part in our everyday lives.

We experience the grief components of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance over and over. Sometimes they happen all at the same time when we are triggered. Trauma survivors feel things more intensely because we have already suffered too much for one lifetime.

Anger

Anger is a feeling like all others. It is an intense emotion where the adrenal glands in our bodies release stress hormones called adrenaline and cortisol. We feel flooded with an intense surge of energy as our brain reacts by sending blood away from our core into our muscles so that we are prepared for a physical reaction. Our blood pressure increases with our heart rate at the same time as a rise in temperature, and we might sweat, but our mind is focused and sharp.

Anger is a normal part of the grief process, and I recognize that it has a big part in the healing from trauma. Feeling angry is natural. You may often feel “on edge” and “irritated” by people around you who simply don’t get you.

You have a right to feel angry, but it is how you channel that anger that is vital to your healing journey.

I know as much as anyone else that when we are emotional in any way, we aren’t always perceptive to others around us. We make mistakes, and we apologize or regret our actions afterwards. We often turn to the people who we love the most and take out our anger in explosive rages. We know it isn’t right, but we still do it because they are the closest to us.

What do you do when you feel angry? Where do you go? Who do you turn to? Is there an outlet where you can channel that anger into?

It is natural to feel angry and for those strong emotions to come to the surface and be dealt with. It is vital to voice that anger, but, at the same time, it is not healthy to be angry all the time. There has to be a balance in our healing. All feelings are important in our healing journeys, and anger is one of them.

If you are feeling angry every day, your body will be having a chronic surge of stress hormones, which opens up the body to negative biological side effects like:

Headaches

Abdominal pain

Insomnia

Depression

High blood pressure

Increased anxiety

Skin problems

These symptoms are the result of your body being in a heightened state of stress. Too much adrenaline and cortisol are not good for us. A lot of survivors with Complex PTSD have one or several of these symptoms. If you are feeling out of control emotionally, you need to try to recognize this feeling and incorporate some strategies to help your body get back in control.

Here are some coping strategies that I do when I am feeling angry:

1. Go for a walk and move away from the situation or people that made you feel angry.

2. Take notice of your breathing and try to calm your breath to a regular rhythm. If your heart rate is raised, you are not calm! Focus your eyes on a point in the distance and stare at it. Take in the details. What do you see?

3. Recognize the emotion for what it is. “I’m feeling angry because…” is a great way to start. Let the emotion wash over you like a waterfall.

4. Once you know why you are angry, come up with a solution for how you can move on from it.

5. Do something physical — like go for a hike, a run, or a do another sport to get rid of the stress hormones in your body — and calm down from the exertion of feeling angry.

6. Talk to a friend or someone you trust about how you feel. It is healthy to turn to others in times of stress, and just being listened to and supported can help so much more than words.

When I am really angry, like I was last week, I need physical activity to calm my senses. It is the only thing that helps me because, without it, I will just stay angry for longer. That anger will start to consume me, which is when I start making decisions that are not right for me or those around me. Sport helps me to feel alive when my heart is beating loudly in my chest. It helps me to experience calmness as the adrenaline of the exertion leaves my body.

Another alternative for me is music, as I play several instruments. I immerse myself in the rhythms and nuances of the vibrations and let the music flow deeply through me. Feeling alive and in the moment are the things that get me through my anger.

A Final Note

Close your eyes for a moment and think about your feelings right now. How are you feeling today? Notice your heart beat and your breathing. What is your body telling you? If the answer is angry, think about what you can do to feel better. Where can you go to channel that anger?

Do you have a place where you can literally “let it rip”? Do you have such a place?

Think of activities you can do when you are angry or any other emotions you might have. It is always good to have a back up for a rainy day of emotions. It is, after all, thanks to those emotions that we are who we are.

Don’t let anyone tell you that you are less. We are all important, and our reactions to events are personal. You do matter and healing is hard. It takes time. Allow those feelings out and recognize them for what they are. Give them a channel to come out and get rid of that negativity.

You will feel so much better after you have allowed yourself to experience anger.

My name is Lizzy. I’m a trauma survivor, a wife, a mom, a teacher, and an author.

If you like reading my posts, then please follow me.

For more about me: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

Support your fellow writer:

https://ko-fi.com/elizabe69245484

Here are a few links to my top articles:

How To Explain Complex PTSD To Loved Ones

https://medium.com/illumination/how-to-explain-complex-ptsd-to-loved-ones-769f81d437ab

A Search for Identity

https://medium.com/beyond-lines/a-search-for-identity-893df7c970c2

Dealing With Flashbacks

https://medium.com/illumination/dealing-with-flashbacks-1b8c0d94c19d

The Knock on the Door that Changed My World

https://medium.com/illumination/the-knock-on-the-door-that-changed-my-world-ff126c8c07cf