5 Tips for Sobriety After 9 Years in Recovery

On January 9th, 2022 I will be celebrating nine years in recovery. I will always be an addict. In the addiction community, one of the first things we learn is that we are never fully recovered. I could go out tomorrow and fall into a bender. I sure hope I don’t but the possibilities are endless when you have an addictive personality.

I have learned some things along the road here. Some lessons came easy and some had to be pounded into my brain a few times. My goal with this is to show you that addicts-recovering or not-are humans and deserve kindness and support as well as share what I have learned over the years.

1. Celebrate every Anniversary

I didn’t gain my sobriety in the halls of Narcotics or Alcoholics Anonymous (NA/AA). I tried and failed many times to succeed in those rooms for various reasons. There is one aspect to it that I love: the celebration of all the sobriety milestones. You get colorful chips when you have been clean for 30 days, 60 days, 90 days, etc. This is a tradition I instilled in my own journey with sobriety.

Some years were fancier than others. Some years were just myself or my partner at the time recognizing the accomplishment with a nice meal or a thoughtful gift. No matter what you do to celebrate. CELEBRATE. Make that day you turned your life around as special as it is. When you hit three months, six months, a year, five years, ten years and so on. Do not let this day go by without acknowledging it somehow as a special day.

Why?

Because the moment your sobriety becomes just another thing you do it no longer seems as important to stick to. It becomes mundane and no longer holds the heavy title of, “day that changed your life.”

2. Relapsing is not inevitable but it is common and okay

I took a shot at sobriety six times before it stuck. I went a year clean one time and three years clean the next. I have been in rehab three separate times and I have tried cold turkey and tapering off. I had to fully hit rock bottom before I decided enough was enough.

That fall from proverbial grace can be a rough one. You may even wonder why trying again is worth it if you keep failing.

Try.

Keep trying.

Remember that in all this you are human and we make mistakes. Remember that addiction is a mental illness and not just a bad choice you made. Remember that addiction is genetic and you may have been plagued right out the gate with battling this disease. Also, remember to be kind and gentle with yourself; you are no less a human being on drugs.

Failure only happens when you give up the hope of trying to find sobriety, not when falling off the wagon. Take responsibility for your choices and actions, meet yourself with kindness and try again. Your life literally depends upon it.

3. Some people will only ever see you as an addict.

Society is riddled with misinformation about drug addicts and addiction in general. Many individuals believe that addiction is all about bad choices and bad behavior. They believe that you are the only one to blame for your addictions.

They are wrong of course, and we know as educated adults that addiction is rooted in genetics and environmental stressors as much as it is rooted in bad choices and/or behavior. Do not waste your time trying to convince someone of your worth if they only ever view you as an addict. Those people are sorely mistaken and you will waste so much energy fighting that fight.

I have been sober for almost nine years now and still find people giving me the cold shoulder once they find out I'm an addict in recovery. Hell, I bet after publishing this article I will receive backlash and judgment from those who didn’t know I used to be an active addict.

Do those stares and judgments sting a bit? Hell yeah they do. I do not have a remedy for that as I feel the sting too all these years later. You never want to have to defend your past choices to anyone, and you should not have to.

You know who you are. You know the path and battles you have experienced to gain sobriety. They may never know, especially those who haven’t struggled with addiction. But you do, I do, and those like us do. Find comfort and home spaces in these people.

4. Addicts should help other addicts, not forget where they came from

When I was in the throws of my addiction I remember feeling very alone. Most of us hit our rock bottom in various ways and we do it by ourselves. I tried attending things like NA and various group therapies. I just remember these spaces feeling like the places I was judged most. This seemed bizarre to me as I was in rooms filled with others who had been where I was.

Do not forget where you came from no matter how long you have been sober. I was a very draining drug addict. How many of us were? I made up tall tales when I needed money. I stole and robbed people I loved. I was unable to show up emotionally or physically for the people that needed me.

I hoped that sobriety would lead me to the arms of others who had been through these circumstances. That these individuals would be there to support and guide me along the way. I didn’t find that in the NA rooms but I did find amazing friends who helped me gain my life back.

Once you are in recovery, or if you have already reached sobriety, do not forget where you started. When you looked around and see someone struggling with addiction do not shy away from the chaos.

Embrace these individuals and let them know they are not alone. Helping others in need gives you purpose and meaning, helping you retain your own sobriety. Plus, a bit of human decency might be all someone needs to make that leap into recovery.

5. NA and AA are not the ONLY way to sobriety, stop shoving people in there

When I started trying to get sober I wasn’t ready. I hadn’t hit the bottom I needed to hit and I had no idea where to go for real support. Naturally, I was led into the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous, NA. I have never had a problem with alcohol so it seemed that NA was the group for me.

I will preface my next few statements by saying I believe these programs do work for some. The structure and sense of community really does lead many people to their sobriety. I am not one of those people.

NA focuses on a strict set of principles and guided steps you must follow in order to truly work the program. What if someone can’t follow these steps as they are listed? What if someone doesn’t believe in a higher power, or God because that’s what everyone always referred to even while stating that your higher power could be whatever you want. What if someone doesn’t want to talk about their transgressions every day or week and share with a group of total strangers?

I just could never get on board with the way NA operated. I found sobriety following a different path and haven’t set foot in one of those rooms in over nine years. Stop telling addicts new in their sobriety that NA/AA is the only way. This just instills more shame and guilt when these programs do not work. Let individuals choose their path to sobriety, even if it looks a bit different than the norm.

Support them along the way and offer them options but do not shame them when this doesn’t work for them. And for the love of all that is holy STOP FORCING people into these rooms. An addict will only stop using when they are ready, no amount of force can change that. It sure didn’t for me.

Happy Birthday to Me-Nine Years of Sobriety

I hope some of these thoughts can assure you that addiction is hard but sobriety is possible. Go easy with yourself. You didn’t become an addict overnight. Therefore, sobriety will not come easy in the beginning.

You deserve to live life full and happy though. Reach out for support if you need it. Reach out for support when you think you don’t need it. Support others as you gain some time in sobriety. Judge no one and shame no one. Addiction can be all-consuming. But hey if I can do it, why the hell can’t you?

I am not telling you it will be easy. I am telling you it will be worth it.